I've been with this man for 4yrs we have know children togeather but he has 2. I love him very much . The argueing has gotten worse n his drug habit has also gotten worse n I feel that thats the problem we fight mostly about money. He can't save anything n if he does it's for weed his problem is that he thinks that I should hold him down everytime he gets broke n needs extra that I'm going to help but I've stopped do in that and now our arguing has went really down hill he says hes going to get help but I dont really see it happening. He has been there for me when I'm sick and with other issues but I just want him to be more responsible but I'm not his mama and I not about to raise know grown a.. man Im really in a corner about this I haven't put him out cause I do still care n love him & he's does help with rent n bills. I'm disabled & I would love to go back to work but that also has'nt been easy what to do I really don't know?
Thanks for all the advice some of it I do understand but Like I stated at first his problem can be fixed so he decided to go for rehab on monday I know how long he has to stay but I'll just keep pray n that he stays n do whats right to better himself. I will not give up on him cause I know that hes a good person he came into our relationship know in I had kidney failure n Diabetes he was there before my surgery n he was there after when others thought he might leave he is my best friend an I've been through alot with my health so we all say bad things sometimeswhen were upset with a person so we sometimes vent out. In the end advice can b good but if you only know a piece of my life then dont b so quick to tell a person to leave there mate cause you might not of had my issue but u might be have n something
Really? You fight mostly about money? It's not the drugs? It's not that he keeps asking you for money for drugs? If you stay w/ him, please don't make any children w/ him.
OMG - aren't you the one trying to get pregnant?? Please do not do that with this person.
Everyone is telling you to leave him but you need to do more than just that - you need to give yourself the gift of working with a pastor or better yet a professional psychologist to help you uncover why you've been with someone like this for 4 years and why on earth you would want to bring an innocent child into this situation. It just doesn't make sense on any level that you would even be considering doing that.
Please find the help you need.
L., It sounds like you really need to make some tough decisions. You recently posted that you're trying to get pregnant. Really?!?! With this guy?!?!
You also recently advised another woman that if she wasn't happy in her relationship, she should get out. I think you have your answer. And really, time's a-wasting. If you want to start a family, the best thing for you to do at this point is drop this loser and find the right man.
I have a friend who just got out of a seven year relationship that sounds a lot like yours. It took him threatening her kids, and her kids telling her that they were afraid to go home, to finally make her leave. She wishes she would have cut her losses -- the money drain, the emotional turnmoil, etc. -- years ago.
Maybe you can cut your losses now, and not waste another three years. If you want to start a family, all the more reason to get out -- do you want someone who's going to blow diaper money on weed? Thank him for being there for you when you needed it, but don't let him guilt you into staying. You were sick -- that's not a choice. He chooses to use drugs, chooses not to try to quit.
I'm so sorry, and I know that's not what you want to hear. But you can't make people change, and you deserve better. So you have a choice now, too, even though it probably doesn't feel like it. Good luck.
Sorry to say this sister but he is using you whether you can admit it to yourself or not- I can say that because I have been there is same situtation, however I was not disabled and I had a child with him. He needs help and you are not in the position to help him. If you really love him let him go, If he becomes clean and comes back then you will know it was ment to be- Here is an old saying that helped me through my hard time: If you love something see it free. If it comes back it was ment for you- if it does not , it was not ment to be. Best wishes to you. Oh I survived my situtation and so will you. Time to move on.
He has a problem and by staying with him and helping him out, you are only enabling him. Your choice to stay with him is contributing to the problem. If you are not married to him and don't have any children together, I see no reason to stay. If you have kids of your own, they don't need to be exposed to that. Start seeing this as a choice you are making every day - to stay with him or not stay with him, to give him money or not give him money. He may not be willing to take responsibility for himself but you can take responsibility for the choices you are making. Just because you love him is not good enough. Whatever you do, don't be trying to have any kids with this guy.
If you're not sure what to do then now is not the time to be trying to have a baby with him. If he's involved with drugs he's not really someone to have around children anyway. If you're disabled do you have some sort of caseworker, counselor, doctor that could help to find the support you need to be able to get into some kind of work, living situation,...? You may qualify for grants or scholarships or financial aid at a community college. Some churches help people get on their feet. By enabling him I'm afraid you will only disable yourself more.
Love does not hurt. Love does not take advantage. Listen to his actions and not his words. He is using you just as he is using drugs. Weed is drugs, alcohol is drugs, prescriptions are drugs, street drugs are drugs. His drugs keep talking to you and you are enabling him to keep using because you bail him out. You deserve to be treated with respect and care at all times. Sounds like a loser to me.
This is not a relationship either one of you should be in. He is taking advantage of you because you are unfortunately an easy target. When someone has a drug problem, they will do ANYTHING to get what they want (money, drugs, sex, etc). Many individuals are in situations like yours therefore most towns have resources available to help you get out of your situation. They can help you find a job, go back to school, help you deal with this situation. No matter what he says, he doesn't love you. He loves how he has control over you. Get help, get out. No matter how hard it is, it is for the best. Like others have said, churches (even if you don't belong to one) and numerous other organization can help you without costing you anything. Good luck.
