4Yr Old and a 5Yr Old..

My daughter use to come to my bed at night to and I would walk her back to her bed and tuck her in. About after a week or two she stopped coming to me because she relized I would just take her back to her bed.

yes they are small only once but a 4 yr old and a 5yr old do take up a LOT of space. and you do have to remember it is your husbands bed too. My little brother slept with my mom till he was 8 yrs old ,at 4 and 5 they should be in their bed all night. make a reward chart say if you stay in bed all night then you can get a sticker on your chart and at the end of the week a treat for staying in bed like a milkshake or movie with just mom. They maybe little only once but while your are sleeping and they are sleeping you arent really missing anything. And when my husband is gone I sleep with a body pillow
HTH

M.,
I personally don;t think there is anything wrong with it...I tell you wil be surprised to know that most moms in situations like yours with the husband away from home at those hours how many monms let the kids sleep with them...I am one of those mom...we have three kids and three bedrooms..the youngest two are 3 17months....my husband works in a different city from where we live and when he isnt home they sleep with me..actually their room is my office so they sleep with me sometimes in my bed, but I have two beds in my room..one for us and one for them.....I agree they are only little once and you have to enjyoy them...They will grow up and soon before you know it they won't want to sleep with you, when they get that age...but right now enjoy them...Men only see black and whiet,,, they dont see the grey in between so talking to your husband and \expecting him to understand..nope it won;t happen....

I know my children are only little once, and I can understand your thought on that, but one thing I do know is that by the end of the day I need my space, husband there or not. I want my children in their own bed. I love tucking them in. I feel that when my children are awake I give them as much quality time as I can by reading to them watching childrens shows with them, just doing anything that by the end of the night I can say I feel I spent lots of good time with them and had lots of fun with them. I agree trying a reward chart... I know a lot of parents would disagree with my wanting my children in their own beds, but I can't help it. At the end of the day I love my space. BUT, if you talk with your husband and ask him why he is so adverse to them sleeping in the same bed, you can come to an agreement. Let us know what happens. Good luck! Ellen from Chattanooga, mom to Rebekah 1 and Nathan 5. Wife to Matthew 5 years.

I think it's sweet that your boys keep you company while your husband works all night. I personally don't see a problem with it as long as it is working for you. My question is this...is your husband this controlling in other areas in your life? My first marraige was to a total control freak who verbally and emotionally abused me. That sounds like something he would have said. Maybe I'm way off but it just set off my radar. If you need to talk about it feel free to message me.
-K.

M., I know how your husband feels. I was the one working nights when my husband started having our then 1 year old sleeping with him: it hasn't stopped after 5 years almost. I feel like my husband just completely rooted me out of our bedroom. For the last three years, I have been working a normal shift, but as I type this, my son and my husband are both sleeping in my bed. Truth is, I am insanely jealous. I lay down with him at first and get up in the night and sleep on the couch. I have tried to get him to sleep in his own bed, but I don't know how to make that happen..

I'm just in the same boat with you.

Our boys slept with us when they were young. SInce they are all far apart in age it was only one child at a time. This was utnil they were about 3 or so. Our current baby is getting a different arangement where I sleep with him in the nursery part of the night and come back to our bed in our room when I can. You could try laying down with them in their bed-letting them sleep together in their room-or in one of their rooms. Your hubby is probably dead tired by the time he gets home from work and getting in bed with three people can make it hard to get to sleep. I like coosleeping-but it is hard with my husband and kids all in the same bed. I wuold really take some time trying to find a compromise because getting good sleep is important for all of you. Many of my friends who have had late shift husbands have done the same thing-kids are so snuggly and they do grow up fast-so I do understand-good luck :)

Wow...I just noticed that this posting is almost 2 years old, but I would like to answer it anyway. And I pray this is a blessing to M. and any other readers.

I don't blame you for wanting to be close to your boys. That is very important and will yield some healthy men as they mature. But you need to find some other ways to bond with them before bedtime and in the morning. At night, you could give them warm baths and massage them with some good-smelling lavendar essential oil before they put their pajamas on. That will not only help all 3 of you with the much needed bonding time, but it will make them sleepy, too.

Also, I can see your desire to please your husband, despite your inner conflict. And I commend you for "trying". But, from what you've explained, your own heart is not fully in making that bed-sharing change. They can all "smell it" on you, and it is a root to the conflict in your household.

When I find myself in similar situations, I take it to the Lord in prayer. I don't know if you believe in that or not. When I take the time to pray, God usually ends up showing me what my part in the problem is and helps me to get my own heart right.

Also, it sounds like your husband is leaving it all on you to talk to the boys. However, as the head of your household, he needs to talk to the boys and explain his point of view and let them know his expectations. That is his job to communicate with them, and he shouldn't put that off on you.

I pray that the Lord will help you and your husband stand together on one accord and present a united front to the boys. I also pray that He'll give you ideas on other ways to bond with your boys so that you all will no longer feel the need for sharing your bed.

God bless.

I am new to the group, but this post caught my eye. I believe that if you talk to the boys and maybe make special nights for the to stay with you, then they may understand and it may make staying with you more exciting. Maybe you could call it your sleep over night, do a little movie and popcorn when the dad is not there, or maybe you could even have him joinin the fun by making a big pallet in the floor and you all sleeping there. You are right they are only little for a short time, so you do need to have special little times that they will remember their whole lives.

Hum, they are only small once but even though you did eventually grow out of it, some kids don't and your husband may be afraid that this is going to happen. My nephew tried to sleep with his grandparents until he was 15. I believed then that he was way too old to be sleeping with his grandparents. If there is difficulty in getting them to sleep in their own beds try and figure out why. Most kids do this because they are having nightmares or 'seeing' monsters. Either way you should talk to them and find out why they won't sleep in their own beds.
I used to let my son sleep with me until I figured out that he was dependent on me to get to sleep and would not sleep on his own, it was difficult breaking him of this habit.

My 7 yr old also slept with me for the first 5 yrs of her life as my husband worked nights. It was hard to transition her to her own bed once he got a day shift, and even now, she still sometimes comes and gets into bed with us. We started out by putting a crib mattress on the floor beside our bed, and letting her sleep there. She even then, still crawled up into our bed. After a few months, we started laying her down in her room and rewarded her if she atleast fell asleep in there. Eventually, she slept all thru the night in her own bed. It's been about 4 months now, and she hasnt' came to our room to sleep, although she asks every night! I too, love my kids sleeping with me, it gives me peace of mind to know they are safe instead of on the other side of the house and I not know for sure.

However, on the other hand. They are little for only a short period of time. And I have on more than one occasion told my husband to suck it up and look at how close they are to us and when they get into their teens, we'll only wish they wanted to sleep in our bed and be all snuggly.