I had my 1st child 11 months ago and suffered a 4th degree tear. The nurses told me I was probably tearing when I complained about the "tearing" sensation, but the doctor still won't come in to the delivery room to see me. There was no episitomy done or any vacums used. I didn't see the doc until my daughter was almost born. Weeks before she was born I had an ultrasound and was told that she was going to be big. She ended but 8lbs 3oz which is not huge but bigger then what the dictirs were thinking she would be. I asked if she was going to be bigger would we do a c-section & I was told she wasn't going to be that big. Also while the doctor stitched the repair I could feel everything. He couldn't even give my something to numb the area for the repair. I now I have to have surgery to fix the "broken down repair". I am have a lot of problems on both sides of the "wall". How long does it take to not be angry anymore about suffering this tear? I feel like the doctor on call did a horrible job and just didn't care and now I have to deal with his bad day.
Hi, S.:
I can sympathize with you. An injustice has been done to you and those who are empowered to do something are unaware of the damage they have done.
I would write a letter to the doctor who did the repair and say what you have written here. He needs to be held accountable for his actions.
Good luck. D.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sorry for your pain. It sounds like your Dr. was insensitive.
My son was bigger than your child, born at home with no episiotomy, but I only had a 1st degree tear. I only mention that to say that an 8.25 lb baby is not cause for a c-section. I've had one of those and the cut is much bigger and, for me, harder to heal from. I couldn't walk around the block for a whole year and 7 years later I still have pain from the incision.
A tear like that is difficult to heal from. I wish you all the best.
I do not have an answer for you, but I can commensurate. I had a 4th degree tear and an internal hole that was made mistakenly when the doctor decided to snip. She sewed me up, undid it, and sewed me again after the delivery. I, too, need to have a "fix it" surgery but have been avoiding even returning to move forward with the matter due to the "trauma" of it all. I just hold on to the fact that I have a beautiful healthy baby, and I wouldn't trade that for the world. All kinds of things can happen during labor, and even the best doctor may not be able to prevent some of it I suppose. That being said, I do think I will be much more selective when considering the doctor I want to deliver my baby should I become pregnant again.
I had a 4th degree tear w/my second. She was 9 pounds 5 ounces and almost three weeks early. I've since gone on to have two more kids. One was 7 lbs 13 1/2 ozs, 12 days early and my last one was 9 lbs 10 ozs, 6 days early. I was induced w/the last two because of the tear w/#2. They also monitored me with regular ultrasounds to check the size of the babies after #2.
I will say that my OB did a wonderful job fixing the tear. She did cut me, too and I felt nothing during the stitching. I had a little problem with bowel control a few weeks after the tear, but everything is completely fine now. W/the last two pregnancies I had a superficial tear that required no stitches w/#3 and with the last one I had a 2nd degree tear.
It really sucks that the doctor messed up so badly. You are the one who's suffering because of his screw up. :-( I will add, my sister had horrible tearing with her first kid and her doctor didn't do a good job fixing it. She has problems to this day with bowel control. She's opted to live with it because they told her if they tried to "fix" it, it may work or she may lose the control she does have.
I'm not trying to scare you, but make sure you have a doctor you trust do the repair work.
I guess I don't really have any advice. Just know that you CAN have successful vaginal births after having a 4th degree tear.
Good luck. I hope your surgery takes care of what the dr should have done in the first place.
I dont know that i can be any help because i didnt experience anything like that with my three kids. I am mostly responding because everyone that has so far has had a bad experience and i just wanted you to know that that is not how it always goes. I am sorry you had an idiot for a doctor, its a horrible thing for someone to ruin what should be a wonderful experience. i don't know how long the anger will last...for your sake i hope not long. You could lodge a complant about that doctor so that at least its on fill should this be a pattern he has. There is no reason you shouldnt have been given more pain meds that truely sucks...for lack of a better word...I hope you come through this and are able to find some peace about it. Things could have been a lot worse! I am in no way trying to minimize what you went through but like the other mother said you have what i am sure is a beautiful healthy child. try to focus on that part and allow yourself to start to heal. Good luck with the surgery I am sorry i could not offer any more comfort.
I understand why you'd still be angry. Sounds to me like the nurses and or the doctor did not take adquate care of you. I suggest that you get a copy of your medical records from the delivery and consult an attorney who specializes in malpractice to see if this would qualify.
I'm assuming that you've already talked with the doctor and stated your concerns as you have here and did not get satisfaction by understanding why what happened, happened. If not, that is where to start.
You will stop being angry when you have your questions answered and decide to work on not being angry. We are in control of our emotions. Often our emotions are telling us that we have more work to do either in getting more information or in letting go.
well, my doctor did everything right and I still had 3rd degree tearing (my daughter was 9 lbs 4 oz). I also had to have surgery a year later to correct the problem, and eventually my doctor prescribed a testosterone cream that I rubbed on my thighs every day. It seems silly, but it worked. Your doctor totally sucked, mine gave me more epidural and lidocane when it hurt to be stitched up. I wish I could say something to help you be less angry, but all I can say is it gets easier when it doesnt hurt anymore and it doesnt help to dwell on the anger. Good luck with your surgery, hon.
a VERY long time. The delivery with my daughter went similar except put in massive blood loss with it. My daughter is now 8 1/2 yrs old. I am still angry.
Mine was incompetent.
My second child was born via c-section , he got stuck was even bigger than my first and the healing process was MUCH faster.
S.,
I am so sorry to hear that your transition to motherhood was such a negative experience. I would be extremely upset too.
It is exceedingly rare for a mother to get a 4th degree tear w/o an episiotomy, but if you are not properly coached & supported through the pushing phase, it can (obviously) happen. I assume that you were in a lying down position instead of squatting?
I can also tell you that had you had a c/section, your recovery time would've been just as long or longer & that the chances of having subsequent problems (both short-term AND long-term) would be significantly greater.
Has anyone suggested the use of a progestin cream at all?--That can help w/ vaginal pain sometimes. I got a 2nd degree tear w/ my first & I know the kind of pain that you're talking about. It took a while for mine to go away, but eventually it did.
When you're recovering from your surgery, I would suggest using a couple of things to facilitate healing. 1) Arnical Montana, which you can get at any health food store in a little pellet form. You simply put a few of them under your tongue several times a day. If you want a stronger, more potent dose, you'd need to see a Naturopath for a prescription. 2) Herbal Sitz Bath from www.EverythingBirth.com is amazing!!!!! I got some for my sons homebirth & even though I tore again (again a 2nd degree), my recovery time was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much less painful & prolonged! I didn't use it as a sitz bath as often as I should've, but I did put it in my peri bottle & WOW what a difference!!!
Again, I'm so very sorry for all of the trauma that you've had to deal with. Sadly, this is how births with OBs often go.--They spend NO time with their patients. They only come in for "the catch" & the nurses are too under-staffed & have too many protocols working against them to be of as much help as they could be.
In the future, if you'd like some additional support & information, www.facebook.com/EmpoweredBirthPA has some fantastic resources!
Hang in there!
That sucks. No two ways around it. I'm sorry that happened to you. I think women feel even more vulnerable when something bad like this happens around birth because it is such a vulnerable time. The thing to focus on now is that you are going to get fixed and your baby is ok. I think writing the doctor/hospital a letter and simply telling them how you feel about the situation might be therapeutic. Maybe you'll save someone else from a situation like this-- at the very least, you'll get it off your chest. If you really are having a hard time moving on (and I wouldn't blame you if you are), it might be worth speaking to a a counselor, maybe even a trauma specialist. At the end of the day, this isn't keeping anyone but you up at night, so you need to find a way to move past it. If you need professional help to do that (and obviously you do for the physical aspects), don't be afraid to get it. I always say that giving birth is one day of your life... don't let it rent space in your head for the rest of them.
