My daughter has started waking at 2:30 - 3:30 am saying she is done sleeping and wants to get up. Or she wants us to sleep in her bed. She does not want to be alone. She has slept in her own room since she was an infant. This has not been an issue. 2 changes that happened recently, I got a part time job while she is in preschool and relatives just left after a 10 day stay in the house. I talked to her teachers to see if there is anything going on at school and they say no. She is a momma's girl and has always clung to me, but never during sleep time.
My partner and I cant take it. My daughter just cries and screams until we give in (which we did the first night after 2 hours and not the second). We have tried to teach her how to read a clock she knows she cant come out of her room until she sees the 6. I would settle for a 5:) We have taken away priveleges.
I need advice and maybe someone to say this is a phase and it will pass. I just needed to vent and get some validation that we havent created a monster.
My daughter is 2.5 and did this shortly before her 2nd birthday.It only last about 2-3 weeks if I remember right.We tried EVERYTHING we could think of such as taking privleges away but nothing worked so we were just forced to just wait it out.Thank goodness we worked swing/grave yard shifts so that we didn't have to be up early.
Hi D.!
My daughter tried to get me see her side for 5 years before I finally put a bunk bed above our bed for her. She sleeps like a log now. It's been two years and we are all consistently getting sleep. I am co-sleeping with our youngest who is 2.5 and we have gone through all those changes with the only sleepless nights being because of illness. We use the guest room for "adult" activities. My daughter is a highly sensitive soul. She needs the security of knowing I am right there. I wonder if yours might have some of the same issues?
Just love the monster and it will melt into your sweet little girl again. She's waking for a reason. We may not like it but as parent's that's kinda our role; to help our kids through the rough spots. Good luck, this too shall pass!
Everything is a phase when raising children, and everything passes eventually. The trick is to ease a problem behavior and not replace it with something even worse. It's hard to tell from the information you've given, D., but to me this sounds like insecurity, and could indeed have been precipitated by the events you mention, and possibly made worse by your daughter becoming overtired or overstimulated during the relatives' visit, or just during the day.
If this is complicated by some irritation in her body or surroundings (too cold or warm, stuffy nose, tummy problems) your 4-year-old could be too uncomfortable, emotionally and/or physically, to sleep. Reaction to foods or food additives have also been shown to be upsetting to children: common food colorings and preservatives have recently been proved to stimulate sensitive children.
It's understandable that you feel desperate, but it sounds like your daughter is, too. Please remember that she is only four, and doesn't have the experience or impulse control to know how to deal with her circumstances. She is expressing a need as clearly as she is able. Comforting a child in distress, even if this is needed over days or weeks, does not "create a monster." Taking away privileges or favored toys will not deal with anxiety, if that is the trouble, and could confuse her or make her feel even less secure.
At four, she might be able to talk to you about what's going on at night. I'd try this conversation during the day first, asking if she can remember what woke her (A dream? A full bladder? Some discomfort?). Without putting words in her mouth or judging/criticizing what she offers, ask her if she can tell you what she thinks about during the night. That could suggest a solution.
If you have fallen into a "convenient" routine during the day, maybe lots of television and not much healthy exercise, try working on that. She might need a new bedtime routine, maybe starting earlier in the evening to help her unwind and feel loved and cozy. Stories or songs about bedtime and happy families/kids might help. She absolutely needs and depends on your care and cuddles, and probably will until her teens.
I'd like to observe that one comment you made raised a possible flag for me: "My partner and I can't take it." Please disregard if this doesn't apply, but did your partner come into your life after your child? If he/she is running any sort of competition with your daughter, for your time, attention, delight, or care, your daughter is getting old enough to become uncomfortably aware of this. Such a competition might exist in reality or only in your child's mind, but at any level, it needs to be addressed if it is there. Your child desperately needs to be your highest priority until she learns to be more independent. If you suspect that might possibly apply, please find ways to let her know you are her mommy first. Ignore this, and you are looking for years of trouble.
This is normal for this age, D.. She's not "done" sleeping at 2:30, but this is the natural time of the night when she wakes. Her imagination may be causing her to have fears and she needs to feel safe. I would not punish her or make her stay there if she is that upset. Obviously something serious is going on in her 4-year-old mind, even if it seems irrational to you. One of the worst things we can do as parents is to become inflexible. Being flexible doesn't mean giving in to their every whim, but you have to weigh each issue carefully and look beyond the behavior to see if there is an emotional need that needs to be met in order to solve the behavior issue--which is what you are probably dealing with here. I can confirm this is a phase and it will pass if you handle it compassionately. However, there may be damage done to your relationship with your daughter if you treat this situation as a purely behavioral issue and take a heavy-handed approach. What we have done with our older preschoolers is expect that they will have some nighttime fears and keep an open-door policy in our bedroom so that they know they can come see us if they wake. If fears are severe enough, we let them hop in bed with us. If I can tell they're not super upset, I set up a little bed on the floor next to our bed and have them lay there. We don't make a habit of getting up, turning on lights, eating snacks, or watching TV unless they are so upset that we need a serous distraction. We have found that by not resisting them too much or being negative, they usually settle easily and they do eventually outgrow these phases. If you let her sleep in your room for a while, I would just make sure you talk to her before bedtime and let her know that you are fine with it as long as she lays down and goes back to sleep when she comes to your room and that nighttime isn't playtime. I'm certain that after a while, she'll sleep through the night in her own bed again. Some parents have found that having a sticker chart by their bed for every night that they stay in bed all night has been effective incentive for the kids. We have also given rewards in the morning when they sleep all night in their own beds, but these sorts of incentives aren't usually enough to convince a child who is highly sensitive or one who is going through a phase with nightmares/night terrors.
All the best to you and your little one,
J.
P.S. One more thing I remembered is that sometimes if kids are up for too long in the night they have a harder time going back to sleep because hunger sets in. In that case, we do give our kids a snack to help them get back to sleep.
Kids go thru phases, like adults do. Maybe she's had a nightmare, maybe someone related a story about a sick parent, there's a variety of reasons. Snuggle her up when you come at night. For some reason her insecurities are high right now. Being a momma's girl is not a bad thing. To keep the boundaries of your room, go to her room and snuggle her back to sleep, ask what happened to wake her up, listen. But comfort her. There are worse things than having to spend time with your daughter. You made the decision to share your time, your day with another human being, a very dependent one, when you decided to have a child. They are not convienent at times, they can be challenging, there are days when you don't have enough hours in the day to catch your breath, but the beauty of that day is that something happened to take your breath away. Give her the security that she needs, you're laying the foundation of trust and dependability for her. If she's in trouble, hurting or sad, she knows you'll be there for her. That's a good thing. And she'll learn to do the same, she'll be an empathetic, compassionate, dependable child, young woman and adult.
This is a phase and it will pass :)
If you think she's old enough to understand the concept, you may want to tell her that her body needs a lot of sleep to grow big and strong, and if she's not going to sleep at night, then she's going to have to take more naps during the day. For instance, maybe you'd have to tell her teacher that she needs to take a nap instead of _________ (insert favorite preschool activity here... recess, art, snack time... whatever).
Some good bedtime books: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0312383711/ref=amb_link_...
http://www.amazon.com/Time-Bed-Big-Book-Mem/dp/0152010149...
Both of these books use the phrase, "It's time to sleep", or "it's time for bed" over and over, so then you can just repeat this phrase when she wakes up and put her back to bed. If "crying it out" isn't working, it's OK to go in and reassure her that you're still there, but that she needs to stay in her bed.
Good luck, she'll grow out of it!
Hi D.: I don't know if this will help but my almost 3 year old is doing the same thing at various times, usually when he doesn't feel well or something has upset him. What has worked for us is that we do not let him come into our bed rather we sit on his bed or lay down with him until he goes back to sleep which is usually within 10 to 15 minutes then we go back to our bed. This we have found is serving two purposes: One, it reinforces that he needs to stay in his bed and two, it let's him know that he is safe along with being comforted. We change it up so that we are eventually sitting then standing while he is laying down and holding his hand until he goes back to sleep. Don't know if it will help your situation but it is definitely letting us all get more sleep rather than being up.
It is a phase and it will pass. She is probably having trouble sleeping because her imagination at this age is wild. She may think there are monsters or shadows, as my son says. My son is almost 4 yrs old and he has been doing this for about 3 months now. I've found it easiest to either let him sleep in our bed until he is settled and then transferring him back to his bed or getting in bed with him until he goes back to sleep. Listen to your daughter and see if you can get her to talk about what is going on. You may be punishing her for something she can't control. She may just be scared and need a little soothing. Hang in there. I'm convinced the phase will pass. That is how I keep my sanity.
You have a lot of great advice. And as you can see, this is all perfectly normal developmental stuff. One thing that really worked well for us during such times (esp. when our almost 4 yr old daughter wouldn't want us to leave her/wanted us to sleep with her, etc) was to give her lots of cuddling after reading her bedtime story and then giving her Kissing Hands each night or anytime we had to leave her in bed (like those middle of the night wake ups). The Kissing Hand is placing a kiss in each of her palms - it comes from the book THE KISSING HAND. So sweet and meaningful - if you don't have it, please read it to her and try it with your daughter
Actually, there is one other technique another mom told me about once. At first I was very skeptical, but we tried it and it worked like a miracle (esp. in conjunction with the Kissing Hand). You tell her that each night you will place 4 pennies (her age) by her door - if she gets out of bed (except for potty, or whatever you decide is OK), you will take one penny away; and whatever is left in the morning is hers to put in her piggy bank. Like I said, I was skeptical, but it worked like a charm! Just the incentive she appeared to need to stay in bed - other incentives we tried didn't work, nor did Supernanny's stay in bed technique. She was experienced separation anxiety and also wanted control of her decisions I guess....
It's so hard to walk away when they are clinging to you and crying...hopefully the Kissing Hand will help that. Good luck!
It IS a phase - indulge her. She'll only be four once, and you will miss this time in a couple of years.
