4 Yr Old Acts Bad!!

My son went through this stage also!! It can get soo frustrating at times!! But hang in there!! My only suggestion is to put her in time out but make sure that her time out is 4 minutes long BUT it starts when she calms down and quits throwing a tantrum. With my son I had to sit on the edge of the chair so he couldn't get out. He would kick and scream and i would calmly tell him that he must sit in time out and it doesn't start until you calm down. Then after his 4 minutes were up, I would sit net to him and ask him why he was in time out and what he can do next time to not get in time out. I would also use it as a few minutes of quiet time to talk about right and wrong choices and anything else that might need to be brought up about behavior. After a week of this, he finally calmed down and quit throwing fits. Most importantly is to not show them that you are getting frustrated with them. They tend to push you harder when they know that it's bothering you cuz they think they might get their way!! It just takes time and consistency before you will see results. Hope this helps!! Feel free to email me if you need any more help!!

Four year olds are interesting little creatures. They are the top of the food chain at daycare/preschool and they don't have to worry about kindergarten just yet. They are extremely independent and extremely verbal. They are essentialy two year olds times ten.

I have used the principles taught in Love and Logic for several years now and I swear by them. You can get their books and tapes in the library and most book stores with a parenting section. They also have parenting seminars, usually through community wellness groups. I really really really recommend them. My stepdaughter still makes bad choices (like any kid) but she is learning from those choices and her father and I don't have to get irritated or angry. In fact she always asks "Can't you just give me a spanking?" whenever a consequence starts to hit home with her.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I think it's actually just an age thing.

My 4-year-old son is the same way. He has always been a super easy kid, very well behaved and just really great. But in the last couple of months, he's just become a monster! He hits his brother, he talks back to us, he slams his door if we send him to his room... it's like he's 4 going on 17!

But, like with your daughter's teacher, everyone else who spends time with him still thinks he's wonderful. He's perfectly behaved in Sunday school and church activities and any time he's with grandparents or a babysitter, he's a little angel. Drives me crazy that he saves all his difficult behavior for me!

We just keep putting him in time out and using discipline we're comfortable with - removing toys, taking away privileges, if he has special events coming up (like an overnight with grandma) but can't behave, he misses the event. It's not that it's not working, it just takes time. We've been dealing with this for a couple of months now and he's slowly starting to get better and get the idea that if he doesn't behave, he will miss out on something he wants or likes. It's starting to help, so just hang in there and keep doing what you're doing. It's not an easy road, but it will make a difference! :)

Sounds normal. :)

Another book recommendation is "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline." It's helped me to not get angry when disciplining. HTH.

B.:

I would first want to know "why" she is acting out. Has something changed at home (when the behavior started)? Try to have a one-on-one with her, and talk about what is going on. Is she "sad", "mad" about something? Use simple, basic feeling words. Find out if there is something going on.
As far as her getting up from time out....Set an egg timer on four minutes and tell her that she must stay there until it goes off. If she gets up, start the timer over again. If she kicks and yells....let her, as long as she is in time out and understands why she is there.
A. L

I think it's an age thing! I have 4 yr old twin boys and they are doing the same things. Its very frustrating because they used to behave so well. All of my friends with kids this age are going through the same thing too. I am about to give up and just wait until this phase blows over because trying everything else has been a waste of time and breath. At this stage they just dont care they think they need to figure things out for themselves no matter what you tell them. I didnt think i would have to deal with this until they were teenagers! Hang in there and good luck. Let me know if you find something that works!

I've heard its hard to do, but you have to be firm and follow through on your threats, and then when she starts acting crazy being in time out, ignore her fit. She may stop when she sees she isn't bothering you. Also, communicate with her in a normal voice, at her eye level and let her know exaclty what you need her to be doing and let her know you love her and how happy it will make you if she acts like a good girl. Thats what my Mom did, I think I lived in fear of dissappointing my mother more than anything! haha...

B.-

I would have to agree with the previous postings that say it is a stage with this age group. I could have written your request, almost identically. I have done the teacher conference thing and of course she is stellar in the pre-K program at school. Her teacher recommended a fridge chart for positive reinforcement of good behaviors. We had done one in the past, but had gotten away from it.

She is difficult also for time outs and has been talking back and slamming doors. If I could watch these episodes from a distance I would swear she was a teenager!

My husband's theory is that we have a personality conflict because we are too much alike. (Personally, I think it has more to do that she is Daddy's girl and he lets her do whatever she wants when he is home...I set the limits.)

I guess I would have to echo what my Mom always says and "choose your battles." I know it is hard when you are in the heat of things. I don't know if it happens with you, but I know I have to reflect a lot about how I approach things with her. I tend react to her, then reflect later, and then I don't like how I handled it. I was at a Mom's meeting today and the speaker said to think about how you talk to your toddler and ask yourself if you would talk to an adult like that? That really got me thinking, that's for sure.

I am not sure if that helps, but know that it's not you, it's the age!