4 Year Old: Where Is Heaven?

I would say something like I am still here with you, and have never been to heaven, so I don't know where it is. Then follow up with what do you think?

Good luck!

T. Solar
Founder
www.theparentpack.org

Hi,
You might want to tell her about Rainbow Bridge for animals.
http://www.rainbowbridge.com/

You could always tell her that humans go there to to be reunited with the animals when they die too.

Hope this helps.

Sounds like you have a very bright little girl. Try telling her the truth. Tell her that no one knows for certain where heaven is because once you go there you don't come back. Then tell her what you believe personally and why. She'll respect you and your answer more if she knows you're being straight with her.

I like the idea of asking her where she thinks it is. I don't think it's a good idea to lie to our kids, even if we think we are saving them from emotional pain like the death of a dog. Don't get me wrong I'm adamant about letting kids be kids and not introducing them too early to adult themes and problems, but when a child asks a specific question, just answer it.

You might want to tell her that some people believe that Heaven is a place far away above the stars, others believe that Heaven is in our imagination, some believe that Heaven is in our hearts, etc... and then ask her what she thinks. If you wish, you can tell her what you believe about it, but let her decide.

Some things are established lies, like Santa, tooth fairy, monsters, Easter bunny, etc... I grew up always knowing the truth about those things and my parents were smart enough to tell me that other people believed them to be true. They also taught me not to hoard the truth over them or spoil it for them because some people like to have those fantasies.

I was very practical so they knew that they couldn't get away with that kind of silliness because I would just keep asking questions until they spilled the beans. :-)

So if you have an inquisitive child, best to keep to the truth than to have to back peddle every time they figure it out. You will establish better trust with them that way too.

Hope that helps. :-)

Tell her whatever you want, according to your beliefs. If you're not religious, why would you tell her about heaven? Are you stuck now because you once mentioned heaven? You can revise what you said, at this point, if you want. It won't bother her that much.

When you were describing what happened to the dog you probably could have stopped after the word pain. Kids don't necessarily need to believe that something or someone will always be around in some form, unless that's what you believe.

I'm not religious, and one thing I have always told them is that creatures (and humans) all have their turn and we need to make way for others to have a turn, because the planet doesn't have that much room.

Whatever you choose, keep it short and simple.

And I like the ideas from the moms who suggested that she come up with her own answer.

My favorite thing to do with these kinds of things is ask my daughters what they think. It worked great with Santa. LOL!!! They come up with a much better answer than I could have ever given them! Of course my girls have great imaginations and were not terribly literal at that age.

There are a lot of beautiful books for children about this subject you make want to check out for help in this arena. It may be a perfect time to help her cultivate her ideas about Spirituality...

Hi K.,
Excellent question! Don't you just love children for their honesty, inquisitiveness and transparency! Our family does go to church on a regular basis and I have to say we don't really know where Heaven is, either. So our answer is, nobody really knows, but wherever God is, that's where Heaven is going to be. It might help to try to explain to her Heaven isn't a physical place, but a place where our spirits go when we are gone, so they don't really need a physical place to go. So God can put Heaven wherever He likes. My 7 year old has many questions like this. She and I have a thing about questions we can't answer. We have an understanding that we each keep a mental list of the questions we want to ask God when we get to Heaven. So if there's something I can't answer for her, I always give it my best shot and then tell her to add it to her list! (For me, most of my questions are going to end up being about my husband!) And lastly, it's always okay to tell your kids you just don't know. This doesn't always satisfy their curiosity, that's for sure. But it is the honest answer, and I do believe kids appreciate it when they can see the humanity in us. God bless and good luck. Kids are a wonderful blessing!

We had this exact same experience with our children. We found it to be a great opportunity to talk about how different people believe different things. That most people believe heaven is where God lives. We had a nice simple talk about God and how some people find it easier to talk to God in churches, synagogues and mosques and others thought it was nice to find God within nature. It may help to find out why she want to know this... asking her what she thinks and so forth. She may want to visit her dog as my kids did. I told my children that when you go to heaven you stay there so that I would miss my kids if they left.... but that when people (or dogs) are in heaven you can still talk to them and they can hear you. Have fun!

I had a boss once whose sons teacher called her at home and said "Why does your son think Jesus lives in the toilet?" She realized she had flushed a gold fish and told the kid that he was going to "Live with Jesus"!

I would tell her in the sky past the stars and further than anyone can go. This is what I beleived till I was older than she is. I am from a Christian family and "In the sky" is how I was taught.

You might try asking her where she thinks heaven is and then building on that idea. A lot of times kids already have a sense of an answer when they ask questions like this and are just waiting for you to ask them back and help them sort it out.

BTW, I know that you aren't particularly religious but there is bibilical support (I feel) for the idea that animals will be in heaven. First, after the great flood, God makes the covenant between HImself, Noah AND the animals not to send the flood again and not to wpie out all life again. This says to me that God holds the animals in pretty high esteem.

Second, a common description of heaven is a place where the lion lies down with the lamb. I like to think of this as a literal description and not a figurative one. I like the idea of a heaven where I can stroll safely among wild beasts!

Dear K.,
Where is Heaven?
What a question. Don't we all wish we knew?
My children, unfortunately, have been through many deaths. Both animals and human.
I believe that our bodies get old and tired or sick and wear out, but our spirits and our souls never die.
It's like when you go to sleep and you dream.
You are asleep, but your mind and spirit are still there and travelling.
I tell my children that heaven is all around us. We just can't see it.
My little son was visiting his grandfather when Grandpa went in to take a nap and died in his sleep after lunch. He mostly remembers the firetrucks coming and for many years thought his grandpa was riding around in the back of every fire truck he saw.
Understanding where people and animals go is difficult. Even if you're religious it's hard to accept the loss.
People and animals that we love never leave us. Not ever.
We keep them alive by remembering them and knowing that they didn't leave us because they didn't love us. Bodies give out, but love endures forever. That is how we keep those we love alive.
I must say, I saw the other post about a Cynthia Rylant book. She is AWESOME! I haven't read the one mentioned, but "Missing May" has been such an integral part of our lives. We love that book. My son sent it to my dad just before he died of cancer.
I first bought it for my daughter from the Scholastic Book Club when she was in 2nd or 3rd grade. I wanted to read it first before I read it to her and I couldn't put it down.
I have not only read it a thousand times, I have bought it for other people. Your daughter might be a little too young now, but it is a must read.
I had given it away so much I was buying them on e-bay.
Heaven is where there is no more pain. There is no more worry. And those we love wait for us there. And they want us to be happy.

I believe that there is a special place in heaven for children and for animals. I don't think that when kids are little, there is any reason to tell them differently.
Another thing is a movie that we love to this day.
"Corrina, Corrina" with Whoopie Goldberg and Ray Liotta.
It's a beautiful movie with a million different lessons.
Check it out.

Best of wishes.

I am a christian so I do believe there really is a heaven. It is a very real place and we all have the choice as to whether we go there or not. I would suggest getting a childrens book about heaven or a children's bible. I think since she is asking her mommy who she loves and trusts then she deserves to know the truth about heaven. If we only realized what a beautiful place that awaits us, we would be a lot less stressful and love and enjoy our life so much more.

Maybe you should share with her the poem "Rainbow bridge". It talks of a place just this side of heaven (doggie heaven) where our animals wait for us until the day we meet them and cross rainbow bridge together. Caution... it will make you cry. https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm Heaven is on the other side of the rainbow.

There are many great responses here. May I just recommend that you do find some sort of religious belief that is in sync with what you feel to be true and teach that. There are so many questions and issues that can arise with children as they grow and you will need some sort of solid answers and values to teach your chilren. It will give them a sense of security that you won't get anywhere else. If you are interested in learning about answers to questions like this that I have, please feel free to email me.

Even while here on Earth most people refer to "The Heavens" above. I would say your best bet, being that she is only 4, is to have her believe that Heaven is way up there past the stars and that no one sees it until they actually go there. So our imagination tells us what it looks like. In the bible Heaven is described as a beautiful city with many mansions and streets of gold. I always liked having that "thought" in my head when i was a little girl, it's a secure feeling to know that you will go to a beautiful place and meet God some day. And that your pets will be there to greet you when you get there ;)

K.,
Specifically on dogs...there is a book called Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant. Also, the library and bookstores are good resources for age appropriate ways to communicate on this topic. I do like the idea of turning the question around to your daughter to see her response. Sometimes kids just want/need their opinions to be heard and validated.

when I think of Heaven I think of up in the sky.. always had since a little child. I didn't grow up religious.. have you guys watched All Dogs Go To Heaven?? I haven't but maybe it might help?

My son was 2 when his Papa died and it was very hard on him, he is now almost 7 and still asks questions, we lost a lot of family that year and since and my Dad when he was 6 months old. My best advice is the library, you can request books and you can ask the librarian in the children's dept. to help. A few good books I have read to my boys are 'How big is God' and 'Granddads Prayers of the Earth' I also think there is one called 'How big is Heaven" but I am not sure. Good Luck!

Sounds like what you're telling her is just fine. Although she wants you to be as literal as possible, there are just some things that are beyond a 5 year old's realm of understanding and you just give her as much of an idea as possible. Kids in second grade can't grasp much more than the neighborhood they live in. Concept of time is even very difficult to grasp, as they can't see or touch it.
Anything we tell children about heaven is a guess anyway. How could we possibly tell them anything literal when we've never been there and really have no idea where it is? It sounds like you were doing your best to help her understand a difficult situation. Kids will always ask questions - some very cute - and always show us that they think about things a bit differently than we do. I love how you are seeking to help your daughter understand things in a way that she can handle it. Keep up the good work.

I bought a great anthology called "Parenting Beyond Belief," edited by Dale McGowan, because my husband was raised Jewish, I was raised non-practicing Catholic, and we both have similar notions about spirituality. The book answers such difficult questions as the one you raise as well as offers advice on establishing family/spiritual/joined traditions, etc.

Here's an excerpt from "Dealing with Death in the Secular Family," an essay by Rev. Dr. Kendyl Gibbons (from the book):

"The human impulse to deny the reality of death is deep and ancient. It affects us all both as individuals and as a culture. Nevertheless, death confronts us all, including our children. One of the challenges of parenting is to introduce this subject and help them respond to it in developmentally appropriate ways. There is a great deal of helpful literature about how children deal with death, and both secular and religious children have much the same needs for reassurance and support when they begin to confront mortality. The particular challenge for secular families is the absence of comforting answers supplied by doctrines and images from various faith traditions. Yet by telling the truth, providing emotional comfort, and validating the child's own experiences, secular parents can give their children the tools to understand and accept death as a natural part of life and to find meaning in their grief."

There's also a good forum for the book where other parents have asked, and received thoughtful responses to, situations similar to yours: http://www.parentingbeyondbelief.com/forum/

I know this isn't easy, and I wish you luck in sorting it out with your daughter! Whatever you do, I'm sure it will ease her sadness and help her cope with the unknown.

What you tell your daughter is going to depend completely on what you really believe. At this age, if you are not church goers, it is probably easiest to tell her that heaven is up in the stars (that's what I alwasy believed as a child). As she gets older, you may need to expand, but for now that should be enough.

Sylvia Brown and her son wrote a great book about animals on the other side. I just have always referred to heaven as "the other side" and said that it is the spirit world that is all around us. Whatever sounds right to you will be fine, I am sure. Take care, C.

My 4 year old had the same question about Kitty Heaven. However, she came up with the answer herself. She explained that Lizzy, our cat that died, jumped into one of our trees, then jumped on a rainbow that took her up up up into Kitty Heaven, which obviously she sees as being way up in the sky.

I hope that helps!

Hi K.,
My friend Sandra Rath owns a fantastic book/gift store in Belmont, called Full Circle books. She has a great children's section with books that deal with this subject. They are books that you and your daughter can read together. Maria Shriver wrote a wonderful book on this topis (a kid's book), and Neale Donald Walsh has another very good book. sandra may have some other ideas as well. The phone number is ###-###-####.
A. Papangellin

Hi K.,

When you are not a believer it is harder to explain about heaven. A different a aproach is to explain about the changes of animal life. You could check at a library about butterflies or dragonflies.

There is a small book called "Waterbugs and Draggonflies." Where it is explained how the watterbugs were under the water so busy with life and they noticed every once in a while one of their commnuity would go up the lilly stock and they would not see them again. They had a meeting and the one that called the meeting said "If I ever go up the lilly stalk, I will come down and tell you where our friends went." One day however, that same waterbug found himself going up the lilly stalk and he didn't even know why. Once he got up the lilly stalk he went into a deep sleep. When he awoke after stretching he found he had wings and could fly. After a while he remembered his friends, but could not return because he had a new body.

After my grandaughter was a stillborn and dragonflies were inscribed on her cemetary stone, I was visiting her grave and was hit in the back of the head by a big red dragonfly. It was like a message she was okay.

Heaven is real.

D.