4 Year Old Son Having Behavior Problems

Try the book, '1-2-3 Magic!'
It works well, if you stick with the method described by the author for disciplining children. It's easy to implement and easy for a 4 year old to understand...
Good luck!

It could be many things. Kids have wants, needs, frustrations, and many other emotions. He could feel out of place, singled out, who knows. Make sure his needs are being met, needs like love, attention, and belonging, needs of power and control, needs for freedom, and of course, normal survival needs like safety, security, food, comfort etc. When children feel like their needs aren't being met, they act out in order to find other ways to get their needs met.

Talk to him, not like a little baby, like a friend in need of help. Ask him how he feels in school, what he likes and doesn't like, if he has friends, if kids are picking on him, if he's getting into fights or arguments, if he's feeling left out, if he knows why he isn't being "good" in school, if he is all right with the teacher. Just have a real conversation and try to get a better idea of how he is feeling, and why he might be acting out. Then try to find a plan that could help him deal with his problems.

If all of that is doing no good, or you aren't getting anywhere then go to the pediatrician and explain what is happening, and ask for advice on what you could do to improve the situation. I really don't think it will hurt to talk to the pediatrician anyway, especially after you talk to your son and try to evaluate what's happening around the times he's acting up, so you have a better idea of what's going on. The better information you can give the dr and the teacher the better they can handle the problems. When you speak to the dr, explain that you don't want him put on meds, that you just want to figure out what's going on and find out better ways to handle it.

You may want to ask the teacher to try to keep some very short observation notes of what's happening around the times he's acting up in class. It may take a little time from her schedule, but it's worth it to try to find the underlying cause of the root problems, rather than just assuming he needs to be punished.

About the discipline issue, the biggest thing you can work on is being consistent. You can set boundaries without going overboard. Make sure the needs he is trying to achieve are being met. Make sure you set some boundaries, like timeframes, things aloud, places to be at certain times, etc. Offer the child some choices every now and then, so they can have some choice as to what happens in their day. Even when disciplining sometimes you can get a much better reaction buy offering two or three options rather than saying, "Do this now!" For example, let’s say he's yelling at his brother, you can say, "You can play nicely with your brother, come sit with me or your father, or take a time out." One more thing about the fighting with siblings, it's probably a good idea to ask them to try to talk to each other about their problems, or try to resolve the problems amongst themselves, so they are not constantly coming to you to solve their problems for them. The little one is only two but it may help them to try this occasionally so they can gradually learn to deal with some disputes on their own.

I hope this wasn't to long, and I hope it helps.

J.
I have a 5 year old son sho has had the same issues in the past. First of all don't give in. Timeout has worked for us (one minute for each year). Give two warnings than if he doesn't listen put him in timeout. I use the microwave to time him. If he does listen after one warning give him lots of praise. He will love that because he will want to please you. Also if he is in with the three year olds he might just be bored and regressing. Try him in with the four year olds he might surprise you. As soon as he knows he will not get his way with bad behaviour you should see a big differnce. Be patient because it takes them a while to get it. When you put him in timeout if you decide to try that, don't show him that you are upset, and if he gets out of timeout, start the time over and over until he sits through his minutes, he should be bored.
Any pediatrician should not put the kids on meds until they are five and that's if they need it.
I had a rough 4 year old year with my son and I thought for sure he would need something at five but he has improved allot. Sometimes I think they are bored so they act out to get our attention. Remember lots and lots of praise when he does good. It sounds corny to me sometimes but it works. Hope this helps and good luck!

I think going to the doctor to get suggestions is a great idea! The doctor doesn't necessarily have to put your son on meds, and you are the parent, it is ultimately you and your husband's decission. Did your son just turn 4? Does he have any buddies in the 3 yr old class about to turn 4? Check with the teacher to find out if he is fitting in, that could have alot to do with it. Also ask your son, what he likes best about this class and what he likes worse. He might not be comfortable in the class yet. Good luck!!

ok...my daughter is almost 5 and has the same troubles at school....the answer is.
do a chart with every day on it...for each day where he behaves good you put a sticker...after 2 good days( 2 stickers) he gets to choose a diner place where you are going to take him, nder his rules and as a reward...for the 2 other days left, if he get a stiker ,then on friday he get a little present...think positive reenforcment,not punishment!

J.,

It sounds like you're doing what needs to be done already. You have a great attitude and it's helpful that you recognize the need for change instead of just defending him. Keep it up and stay positive. Go with your gut when you see the doc. If you don't want your son to be medicated, get as many opinions as possible before agreeing to it.

Good luck!

-T.

Hello to J. and other Mom's that are having some behavioral issues. Being a mother of a 2 & 3 year old a year apart I understand the challenges of behavioral frustrations.
When my babies were born I started Signing to them being that I'm fluent in American Sign Language and studies show babies that communicate through Sign Language have a larger vocabulary as they grow.
Anyway, my son was starting to act out. He would throw a temper tantrum that according to the pediatrician I should walk away from and ignore. This didn't work he'd follow me. He started hitting, and would cry until he made himself throw up. I was very frustrated. My youngest daughter wouldn't talk. She would only communicate with me through Sign Language. I spoke to the pediatrician (I later fired) and had both of my kids tested for speech/language/audiology and behavioral issues. We were at the hospital for hours out at Saint Mary's.
Long story short they said my daughter was on the right verbal level for her age. My son on the other hand had a vocabulary of a child older than him and that his problem solving and reasoning skills were also beyond his age. Then in the last 20 minutes when these so called professionals were giving me the results my son threw one of those fits. I kept reinforcing my answer of "NO" and kept giving him alternate choices. They then told me he doesn't transition well and that he has behavioral issues. They set me up to put him in another series of tests and start him in a pre-school program at one of the elemenatry schools. I asked is my son going to be "labeled" for his whole academic career as having a behavioral issue and they said YES. I absolutely lost my mind. I will admit sometimes he is capable of pushing me to the edge with frustration, however he is a warm caring, compassionate little boy. He always helps his baby sister, he shares all of his toys with his baby sister and nephew. He looks out for the kids smaller than him at the park. He has very good manners and often times I'd forget I was talking to a 2-3 year old.
I opted to go to MY DR. and talk to them about what I was experiencing with my son and what the specialist's told me. My Dr. gave me a number for a new pediatrician. She also made a suggestion that made perfectly good sense to me so I tried it.
I have never been big on giving my kids lots of sugary treats or juices due to the fact that diabetes is in our family tree. Also when they do have it they are affected by it and I notice big behavior differences.
The dairy products we are all consuming have Growth hormones in them given to the cows to produce more milk. I took my family off of regular milk and now I buy "Green Wise Milk" at publix it's about a dollar more. I have also started purchasing the "Greenwise Chicken" it is very good and hasn't made that big of a difference in my grocery bill. After 2 weeks of being off the hormone additives in our milk and chicken we have not had a single out burst. We do have our daily challenges as a family, but nothing like the rage and frustration we were experiencing.
My neighbor is older than me and her kids are practically grown. Two are in College, one is a Senior in High School. She and I were talking about what the Dr. told me about the hormones in the milk. She told me that all of her kids were having health issues and that her son's looked over weight and were actually growing breasts that looked like girls breasts, along with skin care problems such as acne, and in-grown facial hairs from shaving. She had them to and from until she went to a "naturalist" that suggested she remove them off all dairy products that are full of hormones. In a 2 month period her older kids lost weight, no more man-boobs, no more acne, and an energy level they hadn't had in years. The daughter started having normal periods compared to the every few months sporatic one's she has always had.
The point to this information is that before you allow your child to be labeled and put on medications, try changing some things about their diet and nutrition. If they consume a lot of sugars, high fructose corn syrup is in almost everything, and are taking in a lot of growth hormones through the foods they eat try changing that first.
It makes perfectly good sense, we are what we eat. It has worked for my family. I had my kids both tested again just to see if it made a difference, they are just fine. We don't have the behavioral problems anymore. It was like my son was in a steroid rage before, now he is calm, relaxed, and happy.
Good luck Mom's....I also give them yogurt called "Stoney"-something that is also natural. It took a few times introducing it because they were used to the other brands I was giving them.
If a change in diet doesn't work, then try having them evaluated, first by the pediatrician, then by the specialists, just keep in mind our society is all about labeling and those stigma's are going to follow your kids through out life, it's going to be in the academic files. Kids change every day minute by minute, I think before some one labels my children for life they damn sure better spend more than 3 hours with them.
Good luck and remember we do the best we can as Mom's. We are human and sometimes it's easier for the moment to give in. The most important thing to do is listen to your instincts, listen to your kids feelings, and be consistent.

I have a four year old who was having a few behavior problems as well, but at home with me. Consequences didn't sink in and rewards didn't make him blink! The pediatrician thought that he should seek an occupational therapist. Turns out in 1-2 weeks time all that he needed was attention! The baby was getting alot and my 5 year old was interupting when he would talk. After giving him his own undivided time - he has been a normal, happy, awesome child! Don't over look attention and look into the "why" of his behavior - it could be as little as this!
Take care and good luck!!

Maybe he is acting out because of something else? Do you spend one on one time with him on the weekends? I'm talking about making a big deal out of being with mommy, you know? Or maybe some daddy time.

Trust your gut, what do you think the problem is? And please don't think that a DR is going to have all the answers OR that the problem is even a medical one.

In some ways it may just be normal behavior, he is only 4!

Good luck.

Hi, I am a pre school teacher. I have been teaching pre schoolers for four years. I have had many types of behavior problems. If your child care is high quality they would perform a simple assessment for developmental delays, cognitive and social behavior. From the assessment they are able to structure a curriculum that will promote enhancement to the areas that are below target. This is something you might want to discuss with his teacher. Remember the parents are the number one teacher, but the pre school teacher should be trained to detect and bring out the best in a child, including offering suggestions to parents. Investigate; probe more into the environment and the teachers credentials. Ask her what kind of techniques does she use to modify behavior and if she raises an eye brow just tell her that you would like to implement these techniques at home. I am an insider of many childcare facilities and pre schools I see what really goes on and what does not go on. Hope I was a little help

Get a second opinion after your son goes to the pediatrician if you are not satisfied. This is our right as consumers of insurance. Also, check in local healthfood stores there are wonderful resources there. These take more time and patience as they do not work like meds. Make sure the daycare isn't labeling him and treating him a certain way that may actually contribute to the behavior. These people are not necessarily degreed councilors. You may need to get one. Never give in to something you do not believe in, you are his mother and you always know more than any doctor about your own child.

I myself have found chiropractic care to be excellent for my children. It isn't really difficult to believe if you think about it; kids fall etc... The point is eliminate all pyhsical possiblities. Kids like adults get headaches, neck aches and back aches. Chiropractic care is helpful for the whole nuerological system. Make sure that you find one that has experience with children.

One last thing I forgot over the last 14 years. My son could not take certain dyes when he was little. Most fake juices contain them. He especially reacted to orange drink at McDonalds- which his dad gave him as a treat. I started with real juices diluted and water, he changed overnight. To this day if he drinks coke or pepsi, he acts nuts and he is 14 years old. We had him tested for Diabetes-negative. He is just sensative.
Mother of 14, 12 (yr) and 13 (mo) Boys.

Not sure why medication is so bad. I also have a request out there in ref to my three year old daughter. J., if he needs medicine, then let that be exactly what it is. It is not different than if he had high blood pressure and needed medicine. Then again, he could just be bored at school in a class of babies. That is probably how he recognizes it. He is probably the most smartest one there, and they school teacher does not know how to teach but only one way. All children don't learn the same. Maybe he needs a different school. Seriously, if they are not taking the time to cater to his needs then I would leave. My daughter was diagnosed July 3rd for ADHD and she is only 3 as of tommorow. I am ADHD and was on medication for 18 years. Ended up graduating with honors and high GPA. The medicine only slows us down long enough to find interest in something and think things thru clearly. I am praying for your situation. Please let us know the outcome. I am off meds now, but my life sure shows it. I have been very impulsive with awful life decisions. Please read up on it.