My 4 1/2 year hates to sit on the potty and poop. He only started peeing in the potty once he realized he could stand up to pee and he's great there. But no matter how many times we will "practice" sitting on the potty, he'll wait till my back is turned or I'm busy with my business and then strip out of all his clothes and poop in his bedroom or in the hallway on the floor. When he visits his dad for the weekend, he will hold it all three days until he gets home and then there is a mess. His dad and I practice the same techniques in our homes so that there is continuity for him. I've tried cereal, target practice, timed "practice" time, potty chair in the hallway (we also have a padded seat for the toilet) and even letting him graphically see us poop. To no avail. I will not bribe him with treats to poop in the potty as I believe that sets up a bad precedent for children. He knows what he's supposed to do, whenever he poops on the floor, he'll come get me and say, "Poop goes in the potty, not the floor". And yes, he has to clean it up. I've tried being patient and undemanding, getting angry, and talking about how "big boys" use the potty. He has an older brother in the home who also helps be an example of how things should work, but to no avail. Clearly he has some issue with this, but I'm at a loss of what to do with him other then wait for him to finally start using it on his own. Any advice, other then bribery, that might work to get him over whatever anxiety he's experiencing?
As of a week ago Jan 2010 we are finally fully potty trained. Thank goodness. It came down being more stubborn then him. He came home from his dads and hadn't pooped all three days. So I knew a mess was on the way and I was done. So when I noticed him starting to strip off his clothes, I helped him and then picked him up and sat him down on the toilet. For 45 minutes he fought, he screamed, he bit and pushed. He tried to straighten his body out so he wouldn't sit down. It was full on war. But I just sat on the edge of the tub and patiently wouldn't let him get up until he finally pooped. Than I made a HUGE big deal over it. His older siblings and I "celebrated" with him. The next day, again, I had to watch him closely to see if he would try and hide and he started to, but I got him to the toilet in time and after a fight that was only half the length of time as the day before, he pooped again. The third day, I'm on the phone with a client and I hear "Mom, help". I walk into the bathroom and sitting there with a big grin is my little guy having used the potty all on his own with no prompting. And its been that way ever since. All he asks for is help with wiping, but he goes on his own and we haven't had one accident.
could you possibly teach him to squat over the potty for pooping? Either by standing on a foot stool to get tall enough, or by squatting on the seat?
W.,
This was my house not too long ago. My son too would NOT poop in the toilet to save his life. He'd poop in his clothes instead.
The story:
He was 4 1/2 or so, not potty trained, and too big for all the diaper sizes and quickly outgrowing the largest pull-ups.
I got a lot of good advice from this site on how to get him potty trained. There were two bits of advice that really helped us. First, we had a conversation after dinner about going potty and if there was anything that scared him. After tons of specific questions (I think he thought he'd get in trouble for answering me) it came out that there were monsters living in our toilet that tried to get him/his poop (think splashing hitting his butt).
With that information and advice from this site I was able to set up a step and a way for him to squat on the toilet seat so that he was higher than the splashing and that was the end of the pooping in his pants.
He's now 6 and has all the normals troubles of a highly active kindergartner.
Hope this helps,
Melissa
http://www.mamasource.com/request/8244745171971866625
My son didn't poop in the toilet until he was almost 5. They each do it in their own time. Since he knows where it should go, maybe you should just lay off for a while and not make a big deal of it when he poops in the hallway. Just treat it like any other thing that he is expected to do. When he poops in the hallway, have him get a tissue and put it in the toilet. Just pretend not to care that he has done that and nonchalantly tell him that since he knows where it goes, that he can put it there. Or, just simply ignore the whole thing, dont even change your facial expression. I just completely gave up with my son. After a while, he started doing it on his own.
We had the same situation with my stepson, and also did not want to resort to bribery. his mother, father and i took him to see a therapist because he was so adamant against potty training still at 4.5 and kindergarten was looming just around the corner. at the therapist's advice we began to keep "potty charts" where he would get a sticker each time he went and after 3 poops or 5 poops in the potty he would get a cool toy that he could go pick out himself at the store. the therapist's idea was that especially with small children, rewards are very effective because then children start to have a positive association with an activity. he also recommended doing our best to not show that we were angry or frustrated with the accidents because if we could remain positive then it would help our child learn better instead of having "bad" associations with going poop. we combined this rewards system with taking him to the toilet at regular intervals (despite his protesting) and putting him in underwear all the time so he could feel when he went (no diapers or pull-ups at all, except sometimes at night) and it took a couple of months but it worked wonderfully. there have been a couple of times in the past year that we have had to do another potty chart whenever he starts getting out of the habit of going on the potty, but he is 5 and a half now and rarely has accidents. such a long frustrating journey but we are so glad we resorted to bribery because really in the long run, i am just glad that he has grown to feel happily accustomed to using the toilet and is no longer frustrated or feeling bad about himself. we could tell that his self-esteem was suffering because he wasn't doing well with using the potty and i feel that has GREATLY improved since becoming potty trained. i urge you to explore your reasons for not wanting to resort to treats or prizes because i initially had the same kind of outlook as well and now feel differently. now my stepson has positive feelings about using the bathroom, his parents aren't frustrated with his constant accidents, and his social and intellectual development have progressed so much by being able to attend school with other children his age. my view has changed because despite compromising our "values" we realized that it was actually more in line with our values to be able to teach him good bathroom habits in whatever way made it fun for him. in our case it took a lot of positive reinforcement to get the ball rolling because he had been so reluctant to use the potty for so long and would just scream if we asked him to sit on it. we honestly thought he couldn't feel the urge to go for a long time. but i think he was just really attached to going in his pants and didn't like the idea of interrupting his play to go to the bathroom in the toilet.
good luck!
This is definitely a control issue and he's in control of you and his Dad, as well as himself and his poop. Lose your modesty, get him a potty chair and every time you go to the bathroom or maybe one of the bigger kids, he goes as well. You sit and read a book, whatever. But he doesn't leave until he vacates his bowels. Holding his bowel movement for 3 days isn't healthy, not at all. It's much like people with anorexia, not a healthy behavior, but they have control. How long ago did you and his Dad separate? You need to see a therapist with him, at least with your pediatrician, to get some counsel on how to proceed. Pooping in his room is not an accident, it's deliberate and the consequences for that type of behavior need to occur. Whether it's putting him in diapers, removing privleges, timeouts, removing access to toys... whatever will have the biggest impact on him, don't delay, don't waffle. Follow through, be consistent.
Hello W.-
I am a Certified Professional Nanny and a Parent Coach. I've worked with children and potty training issues for many years. I'm wondering if your son is scared about falling in the toilet and doesn't know how to discuss his fears.
Often children are unable to find the proper words to describe their concerns with us, so their actions confuse us.
If you don't have one already, purchase a padded child sized toilet seat cover. They fit snuggly onto your normaly toilet seat without any tools and remove easily for adults. Next talk to your son about toliets. You may even talk about how some kids are scared to sit there for fear of falling in or being sucked out.
By providing words to what I believe his fear is, you'll be able to communicate with him better.
Good Luck-
R. Magby
You are right he knows what to do, he's just not doing it. Fear sometimes has to be overlooked and you simply have to put your foot down. It's time to simply say "You will sit until you poop. Give him some books for in the bathroom. Set a timer and tell him he has to race the timer. I agree...no rewards..he knows what to do he's just not doing. Praise him for doing it right..make him clean up his own messes. Definitely make him clean up his own messes. If he makes one there should be at least that consequence and maybe one more. Maybe early bedtime, maybe no dessert, whatever..it should be something he finds unpleasent. Make the consequences of NOT using the potty worse and I think he will fall into line! Good luck!
Here is an article "When Your Child Won't Poop On The Potty"
http://babysignswithelizabeth.blogspot.com/2009/03/what-t...
Hope it helps!
Perhaps he'd use the toilet if he could play at the same time. I've heard of putting the child backwards on the toilet so that he's facing the tank. He can't fall in in this position. You can put toys, books, anything in which he's interested on top of the tank for him to play with. Perhaps have the toy(s) to be one that he can only play with while he's sitting on the toilet.
I think that it helps to sit and try at the same time every day. This trains your body so that it will unsually happen at that time. Keep in mind that everyone's body is different and we don't all poop everyday or even once a day. By sitting on the toilet at the same time everyday you will more easily learn how often his body actually needs to defecate.
November 22. I just reread yours and other's posts. Your quote of what he says does not sounds more like what a younger child would say. Your description sounds like a toddler, not a 4 1/2 yo. Have you had him evaluated by his pediatrician. I suggest that this could be either a medical or an emotional problem. It sounds like he's acting out in anger. Is he behind in other areas of learning? Could he have a sensory issue? Is he an angry child in other ways?
Is he in preschool? Has anyone suggested that you have in evaluated for learning disabilities? I suggest that you read up on sensory issues.
I love Robin C's advice!!
Some of the other moms have given you great advice. I think your son could either have a fear associated with pooping that needs to be addressed (like some other moms suggested), or it could be an actual physical problem. Two of my friends have little boys who were having similar issues. They were at their wits end with the whole thing. Upon further research they found that some kids can have a misalignment of their spine that can affect their intestinal process. They decided to see if this was the case and took their sons to get chiropractic adjustments. Voila! Both of the boys began pooping normally and in the potty after just the first adjustment!
I'm not saying that this absolutely will work for you but if you have exhausted the fear issue and still no results, you might look into it being a physical issue that your son can't control. It might be painful for him to poop, hence why he holds it for so long. And he might not have the words to explain this to you.
Sounds like you are a caring momma to get advice about this and I hope that this issue gets resolved soon, for both you and your son's sake. Take care and God bless!
I am sorry, I am all for being patience with children, but a 4 1/2 year old is not a baby, and should not be pooping on the floor. I would start making him clean it up. Give him the carpet cleaner and let him scrub the floor. I know you will probably still have to go behind him and do it again, but maybe if his bad behavior has a real consequence he will try harder to do what he obviously knows he is supposed to do.
It seems you have gotten some great advise, I thought I would share what worked for my son who had the same issue (although a little younger). We went to the dollar store (my budget limits) and got a wipe board "job chart" and he got to pick out 10 toys. Every time he went pee he got a check on the chart, and poop on the potty he got 2 checks. After he got 10 checks, he got to pick out one on the small toys. When he done with all of the small toys, then we went to the toy store and he got to pick out one "big" $10 toy. He would get a check mark for every time he went poop only, and when he had 10 checks, he got his big toy.
He was also at a home daycare, so I took the chart over there every day and took it home every night so we were on track together. After the chart was done, he still liked to keep track of his "checks" at home, and would pull anyone who came to the house into the bathroom to show them his chart -- he was so proud. We never got upset if he didn't go on the potty - he just didn't get his check. I would say "sorry, we'll try for a check next time". I really worked for us.
PS - Do you ever make him clean up his mess he's made on the floor? That might go a long way if he has the choice of cleaning it up or going on the potty. He is 4 1/2 and certainly knows better.
