4 Year Old Potty Trouble

My son was 4 1/2 when he was finally potty trained. He's 10 now and I STILL have to remind him to go to the bathroom every now and then.

4 year olds get super absorbed in what they are doing, and DON'T want to put it down to go potty. When you see her doing her potty dance, remind her to go. If she argues with you tell her that you are not asking her, you are telling her and she needs to go do it now.

My kids have learned that when Mom says that, they need to go do whatever it is; no if's, and's, or butt's.

My son was fully trained at 25 months within 2 weeks of 'training'. However if he was playing or in the middle of something he needed reminders to stop playing and go to the bathroom for a long time. LOTS of kids don't realize they NEED to go until right before they really need to go and then it is a race to the bathroom that they don't always win. I would just make it a routine to send her to the bathroom after each meal and when you notice its been a while. We just made it non negotiable and we did not praise, reward or punish - it was just part of the day. Plus you can point out that changing clothes and cleaning up takes way more time away from play than just stopping to pee does.

It just takes some kids longer to develop enough to really use the potty. It's not lazy training on your part, it's not them being stubborn, it's not always because there is something wrong with them. It's just that they really aren't ready. My 2 boys were nearly 5 before they were accident free. But once it clicked, it clicked fast and that was it both day and night. My daughter is 4.5 and has no interest in using the potty even though she had before. She had her yearly checkup not that long ago and the doctor said it's not something you can make them do if they aren't ready. She wasn't worried at all.
I do not have the time or patience to train myself to keep getting my kid to the toilet fast enough to not have an accident. I also don't have the time, energy or money to deal with all the extra laundry. When they are actually ready you will know and it won't be a struggle. It'll just happen. Once the boys were ready they were done, from 100% full time diapers to 100% accident free day and night in 2 months. Only reason it took so long was because we'd make them wait a week before moving to the next step so we weren't cleaning up all the accidents because we moved too fast.
Some kids just develop slower than others. Nothing wrong with them, nothing wrong with what you're doing.

yes you can wait 2 weeks to see a dr.. she is not sick.. she has potty accidents.. normal for kids.. many kindergarteners and 1st graders have accidents.. totally normal.

I say ignore.... when she is wet.. tell her to change herself.. give no attention good or bad related to potty ... see if she is not at least partially doing this for attention..

it will resolve in time...

Is she into my little pony? Tell her that if she has no accidents for a week she gets a pony....and then keep giving them to her every month until she has habituated the potty habit.

Right now, she has an accident habit, so you need to reteach her. Find her currency and offer something up. This works great with her age. I don't use rewards but when it comes to getting kids to stop having accidents at 3-4, I think they can be great motivators. Everyone I've suggested this to has had successes.

Start over. Like she's never sat on the potty.

Sit her down and tell her you guys are going to work on going to the bathroom better.

Tell her you're going to set a timer and when it goes off she has to stop what she's doing and go sit on the seat. IF she goes then she gets 1 M&M or 1 Jelly Bean, some little reward that is enough to make her want to do it again.

So if she goes she gets the reward. If she doesn't she has to sit there a few minutes. Only you know how long it needs to be. I'd do 5 minutes. Enough for her to recognize her body urges and to get her focused on sitting and eliminating.

Then as she retrains she'll start doing better. If she has an accident put a pull up her. Tell her that you don't like cleaning up pee/pooh so she has to wear the pull up to protect the floors and furniture.

Continue doing the retraining and she'll get it.

She is 4.
Even if potty trained when younger, she is only 4.
When they are young like this....they don't have full impulse control yet. Nor can they... "estimate" how long... they can hold it. Nor how long they can wait or not, until they really have to go versus when it is too late. They can't estimate that, like an adult can.
Accidents happen.
It is childhood.
At this age, this commonly happens.
Even in Kindergarten.
I work at a school.
I know.
ALL of my daughter's teachers, from Preschool to Kindergarten to 1st grade, said that kids these ages, have accidents. And if/when a child has an accident in school, the teachers make no fuss about it. Kids bring extra clothing to school, for this reason. They have accidents.
Even at night, they are still in night-time diapers too. Night time bladder/hormone/myelin sheath development, is different. It is physiological based, not age based.

Both my kids had accidents too. In Preschool and at school.
And, "stress" CAN MAKE the child, have more accidents.
ie: like when I had my 2nd child. My daughter, had more accidents. Their emotions are not even, fully developed, yet, at this age. Either.

Just let it be.
As I said, ALL of my kids' teachers, said that, kids these ages have accidents. It is childhood.
It does not matter, how long a child was potty trained before.
Each age stage, differs and cognitively too.

Is your child in Preschool?
At my son's Preschool, even at this age and older, they helped the kids with pottying. And it was no big deal. My son was 3'ish when he even began, to potty train. We went by his, cues. And his body.
And his Preschool did too, and they were very nurturing about it.

Or try leaving her naked, on the bottom when at home.
We did that with my kids.
And then kept the potty chair near them, in whatever room they were in.
And we did not nag about it.
And they began to use it on their own and then increased in frequency and skill, in using it.