Hello, I really hope you girls can help me. In the last few months whenever my daughter gets into trouble be it something small or something big, she says to me..."mommy, you don't like me?" I tell her, "honey of course I like you, I love you, I just don't like what you are doing right now." Why is she asking me this? I constantly worry that I am doing something wrong in raising her and now I feel like this is the start of low self-esteem. We always do fun things together as a family and she is the only grandchild and gets spoiled by my brothers and parents. Is there something I should be doing? I am at a loss...please help!
She's probably looking for some atention. You said you did family things together. Have you done anything with just her?
When she asks that question, try not responding to it. Because as they say negative attention is still attention.
My opinion is that after she gets a negative response from you then she needs to hear that you love her. So she has found the statement that triggers it. May I suggest trying to start something with "I love you, but that behavior is inappropriate..." Just a thought. Good Luck!
Hi J., it sounds like you are doing everything right! Just keep reassuring her that you love her but what she did wrong was what you are not liking.... Just remember, "Children learn to have or not to have self-esteem and self-confidence from their parents!" Keep up the great work with her. It's probably just something she will grow out of.... they change alot around that age. Hope this helps.
i personally think its a phase because i have a 4 and 5 yr old and my 4 yr old likes to tell me and his brother when he gets mad at something that your not my best buddy anymore, or he likes to say mommie why do you have to do that why do you have to be so mean i just want to do that.. so don't get down about it i think she's just trying to understand why she can't do what she wants and thats her way of doing it.
Hello, I also have a four year old and she also pushes my buttons.She's the youngest of 6. Keep doing what you are. The timeout works,but always let her know you still love her after the timeout. After timeout my daughter has to say sorry or goes back to timeout and think it over, they know what they did and that it was wrong. Most of the time she says sorry the only time she doesnt is when it involves her older sister (who is 10 years older). I've used the timeout with 4 of the kids, the older 2 are stepchildren and were older, it worked with 2, the younger 2. Remember one minute for age so 4 year olds 4 minutes, 5 is okay when you think it fits. My 4 year old knows 5 is more than 4 so she knows its longer, and that I am mad at what she did.
I think you are doing the correct thing. She is just testing her boundaries and seeing if that responce will get a reaction that will get her out of trouble. My 2 yr old started telling me she doesnt love me anymore when I get after her. I usually just ignore it, because she gets worse if I tell her I love her. She's a bit high strung, but I love her anyways!! lol Keep being consistant and remind her when she is good too, that she is loved and special. Good Luck!
You know my 4 year old boy does the exact same thing. Every time I get after him. Regardless if what he did he knows is wrong or not. And when I do get perturbed enough to actually put him in the corner for his 4 mins. I get it twice as bad and with tears and near hysteria. I know most would think that he is manipulating me but if you knew him you would know that just isn't so. He is VERY emotional. Anything sad or upseting makes him cry. His father is much the same way. He has been told his whole life that he is too sensitive or takes things much to personal. So I think this is just my son's personality as well. All I can do is shower him with love and affection and try very hard to boost his self esteem and confidence. When my hubby got to be a pre-teen he did martial arts and he saw that as the first real thing that helped him deal with his emotions. So very soon.. as in a few months. I'm putting my son in martial arts. Hopefully that will have some results. If It does i'll message yea!
I hope this doesn't sound bad, but make sure you are telling her that with a stern face. Don't show her that its bothering you or she may take it to the next level, she is testing you to see how far she can go and get away with it. all kids do it, well most of them anyway. Keep up with the punishment, she knows you love her and sometimes this is the way you need to show it. They will understand in the end. I hope this helps
Hi J.:
It sounds like you are a terrific mom. I don't think you have a thing to worry about. It's always hard though, I know. We parents always think we could do better. Too bad there wasn't a manual we could go by. :)
God bless!!!!
T.
http://tinamccomb.stayinhomeandlovinit.com
I also have a four year old and I know that she knows just how to push my buttons. Does your daughter seem to ask this when she isn't getting her way? Maybe it is only her way of manipulating you because it sounds like you show her your love in many ways. I know preschoolers are learning how the world around them works.
I KNOW that discipline and love have to go together. I agree with poster who recommended you always express love along with giving discipline. My 3 year old needs some positive attention after getting in trouble. He'll want to be hugged, held, etc., following a time out. Especially if I was upset when he was disciplining him. Showing him love after he's in trouble is not reinforcing bad behavior. If I am upset and don't combine the correction with love once he's "paid the price" so to speak, he continues to feel bad and acts bad because of it. I think your response to her question is appropriate and I don't think ignoring that question would be a good idea at all. She knows you were upset, and can probably see the long term consequences of her behavior more now. She might notice if you are more snappy with her the rest of the day after she's done something to bother you. Sure, 4 year olds could be manipulative, but she still has needs and if she needs to feel loved, I would never err on the side of not showing it, myself.
