4 Week Old- Need Help!

Try swaddling him and putting him in his car seat. I have had several kids that just didn't like to be laid down. I used to put them in their car seats and place them anywhere I was. If they began to fuss I could rock the car seat a bit and keep them happy.

Hello A., are you swaddling him before you try to put him down for sleep?

My younger son would only sleep (when not in my arms) if he was very tightly swaddled, then in a cradle swing (seat belted as best I could with him in swaddling blankets.) I also had to use lots of white noise, like a fan, to help him sleep.

Get a baby sling and wear him when ever you can. But make sure he's not all scrunched up so he can't breathe. When my son was very little, I'd put a small pillow in the bottom of the sling so he'd rest on top of it, and he loved it. It won't hurt him to cry a little (you've got to shower and use the bathroom sometime), but a 4 wk old is not going to understand being left to cry for long periods. They need cuddling and human contact. I know it can leave you pretty touched out by the end of the day, but they grow fast. Next year you'll be wondering where your tiny baby has gone as he's learning to crawl and walk and climb!

I had a co-sleeper when my son was an infant. I don't know if they make them anymore, but a bassinet right next to your bed would be the next best thing. He was basically in a bassinet with a let-down side that slid under my mattress. He was in his own little area for sleeping and I could not roll over onto him nor throw the covers over him, but he was still right there in arms reach. I could lie down and pat him or rub his tummy until he fell asleep. I would nurse him in the evening lying on the bed and then slide him over into his co-sleeper and he would go right to sleep. Newborns want to be near your and feel your warmth and presence. They are just out of a symbiotic relationship with you and are adjusting to being a single entity in the big world.
Swaddling is also a very good way to go to ensure warmth and security.

I second the happiest baby on the block recommendation - some libraries also have the DVD which is very helpful. WAY too young for cry it out. He's not crying to "test" you - it's the only way he has to communicate. At this age they cry when they need something. Right now, it looks like the need is for physical comfort. Holding them a lot at this age will NOT spoil them. (I did the carrier thing for my little guy, and co-slept as well - he's now 3 and very independent, confident and social.)

Swaddling will be helpful, as he's used to being all snug inside you - babies have a startle reflex and they wake themselves up; they also feel like they're falling cause the world is so OPEN now. If there's a carrier you love, try that. It'll free up your arms so you can do stuff and still give him snuggle time. Good luck!

He is too young for cry it out, but that doesn't mean he can't cry at all =) I would put him down for short periods, maybe swaddled or in a bouncer/swing and let him fuss a bit. Let him fuss a bit if he's hungry too or tired, a few minutes longer to wait for the bottle/breast--that isn't going to hurt him. Cry it out is used for sleeping training and that doesn't really work til about 5 months old, but that does not mean you are a slave to baby's every utterance. If he is fed, burped, and clean than letting him fuss a bit is not going to hurt anything. In my opinion, you can't go to every fuss or you start to become the one man entertainment act and you will be completely worn out by the time he is 3 months old! If he is just colicky and you are at your witt's end, swaddle him and lay him down in his crib and leave the room for fifteen minutes to collect yourself. You know he is safe and sometimes you just need a breather! Babies cry and scream sometimes no matter what you do---it is just the way they express themselves =) Try not to let the crying get to you or make you feel bad. The idea that babies are just happy and smiling all the time is BS. Best of luck, you're doing great =)

Have you tried swaddling him? That may help. Also if you put him on an eat/play/sleep schedule so the same things happen at the same times every day, he will become used to being put down to sleep (which you definitely do want). How about using a bouncy seat (they make them that vibrate, which he might like)? Does he like to be in a swing? Some babies just like constant motion - my older daughter was that way as a newborn. We'd turn her swing onto its highest setting, and she'd fall asleep immediately, swinging like crazy. Also maybe you can try a pacifier. Some babies need a way to comfort themselves when they are in a new situation (like being "by themselves" in the bassinet).

If none of the above works, you may need to put him down but keep your hand on him, speak softly so he knows you're there, and keep increasing the amount of time that he is laying down on his own - and as time goes by you will be able to remove your hand from him, and eventually you'll be able to step away from him and he won't cry.

Newborns are just so new to the world, and some are way more demanding than others. It will take him a while to get into a rhythm, with your help.

Crying it out is not recommended for babies in their first several months even by most CIO proponents.

Please read The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp. He gives several really valuable tips on how to comfort needy babies during what he calls the Fourth Trimester – the first three months during which babies are still adapting to the outside world. Your little guy is right at the typically fussiest stage, and will gradually settle down over the next six weeks or so, so hang in there. Please remember that he didn't ask to be born.

In addition to the book, you can also google for a whole bunch of Happiest Baby videos, talking about and even showing his techniques.

Lots of moms "wear" their babies in slings a lot during the first months, leaving their hands free and their babies content.

have you tried wearing a sling? Your baby is a smart guy, wanting to stick close to mom. I know it is hard now but it isn't so bad once you're used to it. Once it is all over you will miss it more than you can imagine.

Hi A., Congratulations on your baby.
It is totally natural that your 4 week old wants to be held. To paraphrase Dr. Harvey Karp "The Happiest Baby on the Block" -- your loved one is so used to being next to you, it is only natural he wants to be held.

While I am not an expert, please if you can respond to his cries. I understand that even science shows (from the book "the science of parenting") that when we respond, it helps them (and I am writing from memory, so don't quote me :)) or their brain cells develop better etc.
can you wear your baby in a sling? Or swaddle, as many wrote.

I also agree with what is written that if you need a break, try to swaddle and take a breather. A healthy momma is a happy momma and your baby wants a happy momma.

I know it can be trying at times, but I promise you the investment now of your time and devotion will be worth it.

For other good books check out Dr. Sears "The Baby Book".

HTH and hang in there.

Jilly

He is testing you to see if you will respond to his cries. It's a security thing that most babies do at that age, it builds trust. Our son at one point would only take naps while laying on our chests because our heartbeats were familiar and soothing. We didn't do the CIO method until our son (13 Months now) turned 10 Months. It's heartbreaking enough as it is, but at some point they need to learn how to self-sooth themselves. We decided 10 Months was the appropriate age only because we weaned him off of his bottle then (which fortunately for us only took a day).

We had a bouncer chair that vibrated and played music and our son grew to love it. It's a matter of getting them use to being somewhere else, but the process can be slow. I would suggest waiting to do the CIO method because your baby boy is still very young. It can be a stressful time and a test of your patience, but the reward in the end is much worth the sleepless days and nights. Once they start leaning to crawl and walk, they don't want mommy or daddy to hold them so dear anymore... unless they run into something of course. Hang in there mama and cherish these moments :)

4 weeks old is way too early for cry it out. My daughter wanted to be held all the time too. Enjoy the snuggles- before long he will be too big to cuddle. I used a baby Bjorn sometimes when my arms just needed a break or I wanted to try to get some things done. I would just put her in it and vacuum, etc. As far as the sleep- make sure he is swaddled tight. I always used to rock my daughter into a deep sleep and then gently and slowly put her down and keep my hands on her for a few minutes. She took her naps in a swing, bouncy seat, baby bjorn, or someone's arms at that age. Hang in there- this phase does pass. I actually miss it sometimes now and wish I had enjoyed those cuddles a bit more.

I can relate to your frustration! My son was the same way!!!!

It sounds like you have what Dr. Sears would call a "High Need Baby". Your son NEEDS to be held more than the average baby.--There's nothing to "cry out"--it's a NEED and in fact, there is quite a bit of research showing that crying it out can lead to forms of brain damage in babies. It's really not a good choice.
Obviously, there are times when you'll need to put him down for a little bit but if you don't have one yet, get yourself a good quality, comfortable baby sling! (I'm partial to THING-A-MA-SLINGs myself!) I tell ya though--I used a baby sling w/ my first & loved it, but she was not a high need baby at all. If I didn't already love my sling w/ my first, I sure did after my second!!! He practically lived in it for the first many months of his life!--Once he started to get more mobile, he didn't mind being put down every now & then but until then the THING-A-MA-SLING was a Godsend! He's almost 3 yrs old now & I still use it almost every single day!
Dr. Sears site has some excellent info on High Need babies on it: www.AskDrSears.com and he has some books which would be great for you to read: "The Fussy Baby Book", "Attachment Parenting" and "Nighttime Parenting"

Hang in there!!!! It WILL get better one day!

He's too young to cry it out. He won't understand what you're doing and will become frantic that you aren't responding to him.

Buy a front carrier of some kind - a moby wrap, sleepy wrap, or a baby bjorn to use during the day. It is also very easy to make a moby/sleep type wrap, send me a message if you want more info.

At night, make sure you are swaddling him tightly, so he still have that feeling of being held. You can swaddle in a receiving blanket if it's big enough; if you don't have any that will work, you can buy swaddling blankets with velcro to hold them. Rock him to sleep in the swaddle, and then try putting him down after he's soundly asleep. That way his arms and legs won't be moving around as you are transferring him from you to the crib, because they are wrapped up.

Good luck!

No, your baby will be unable to sooth himself till 4-6 months, so no you can't CIO it. The first 12 weeks are considered the fourth trimester.

Get yourself a sling.

My moby wrap saved my sanity. it was only $40, but i would have paid a million for it!

Congratulations on the new little one! Ahhhh....The wonders of the 1st few months! Absolutely try swaddling him! Or swaddling and then put him in a bouncy seat for short periods of time, until he learns that he's ok to be away from your for a bit. It worked wonders for my little one. They're so little and the world is just too big and scary for them at this point. I had the same situation where I could never put him down for fear of him crying...until I DID finally realize that sometimes you have to go to bathroom or cook dinner or whatever (in my case, take several insulin shots throughout the day---very hard to do while holding a baby LOL). Crying for just a minute or two won't harm him but I do agree that letting him cry it out for looooong stretches will be a little too much stress on him right now. And don't let your spouse try to dissuade you either! My hubby always tried to tell me I was holding our little one too much and that I would "spoil" him and would try to guilt me in to putting him down. I finally had enough and told my hubby when he wrote a book on perfect parenting that became a best seller, he could fill me in on the details then....LOL

BTW, my oldest is now 5 and is so busy and on-the-go that he barely gives me two minutes to hold him and cuddle----and I thoroughly miss the days when he needed me to snuggle him to be happy!

4 weeks old LOVED to be with their mamas! Buy a carrier and be hands free all day long! I would highly recommend a moby wrap http://www.mobywrap.com/ or a sleepy wrap http://www.sleepywrap.com/ They are sold in stores nationwide. I think Toys R us or Babies R Us has them.

No, please don't let him cry it out so young! Rather, get the help of some friends or relatives who can help with holding him when he just wants to be held, or make use of a swing, sling, or other baby carrier. Take him for a walk in the stroller - he may calm down and take a nap, and give your arms a rest. It WiLL get better - hang in there!

I personally think 4wks is too young to let baby CIO. I would wait till baby is between 4-6 months. However you should reinforce good sleeping habits at this age to make sleep easier for baby down the road. Secrets of the baby whisperer and the no cry sleep solution are great books. I am currently sleep training my now 4 month old and think that he is at a good age for it. PS- don't wait too long though bc sleep habits become harder to break!

I agree it's too early for CIO. One thing I didn't see mentioned as a possibility (though I just skimmed the other responses) was the possibility or reflux. All of my kids had reflux as babies and really only slept being held or in some other upright position for at least 6 months (longer probably). Are there any other signs that might indicate reflux? Just keep in mind that sometimes refluxers don't even spit up that much - they bring the liquid part way up and then reswallow.I only mention that because sometimes reflux gets overlooked if there's not an "unusual" amount of spit up.

No matter the cause, this phase will not last forever. It can be frustrating not to be as mobile as you might like, but try to take it one day at a time. It will get better!

He needs to learn how to self soothe but he needs a little comfort. I would put him in a baby swing if he has one. Otherwise, if you do not have one then invest in a boppy vibrating seat. It makes different sounds including heartbeat,which always helped when my son was screaming. Try a little at a time and see if this helps. Good luck. I know you are tired.