My 4 month and I co-sleep (in the same bed, which just sort of happened) and since he was about 6 weeks old he wanted to comfort nurse at night, which wasn't so bad as he would only do it a few times. Now recently it is becoming constant from about midnight until we wake up at 7. The last couple of night I have tried to hold him and pat him back to sleep. He will start to have a "mantra" cry but he will jerk himself awake and start crying louder. I have tried different pacifiers, he'll take it for a minute or so then spit it out or scream if I try to keep it in his mouth. I know when he latches on to me at night, it is mainly comfort, due to the way he is sucking. I have on occasion been able to press up on the bottom jaw, which has sometimes worked, usually he will just start rooting again. During the day he will usually go 3 to 4 hours between feeding, although I do try to slip in an extra feeding here and there. I'm not quite ready to sleep train yet and when I am prefer to try gentle methods first . What I am asking now is advice on how to get my lo to ease up on the comfort nursing. I'm hoping after this gets a little better to try to move him to his own crib.
Thanks!
Thanks for all the great answers and glad to hear this is perfectly normal. I do have 6 year old son but due to me being in and out of the hospital during his early months it was hard to breastfeed, so mainly pumped for 6 months before we moved overseas. I was/am determined with my 2nd to breastfeed at least a year or whenever he wants to stop. He does isually start in his bassinet at night, we have been working on self soothing the past few weeks. After about 12:00 he ends up with me and that's how we stay most of the night. He does sleep in the crook of my arm, he's just such a wiggly little guy! Again, glad to know he will eventually out grow this...
I sympathize!!! I learned to get the baby latched on and go right back to sleep. That is the biggest benefit of cosleeping!
ETA- Ditto to Nervy Girl, both my boys coslept and they are in their own bed unless we decide to snuggle :). No drama, no issues with sleeping in their own beds. We chose to do child-led weaning and both my kids were off the boob well before kindergarten.
I agree with Doris Day. He isn't hungry, you are his pacifier. You also should work on getting him into his own crib or 3 years from now you are going to post asking us how to get him to sleep in his own bed. JMO. Good luck.
I am wondering if this is in some way related to pain from the teeth coming in below the gum. I agree with Theresa N-- I coslept and fed on cue with my son, who is now 8. I'll be blunt, the first few years of parenthood I was significantly sleep deprived, even nodding back off when he latched on. Just remember, this too shall pass.
One other thing to caution against-- there will be people who will tell you that if you don't break a habit now, it will never happen. I can assure you we aren't cosleeping or nursing any longer. When it comes to basic human needs, please don't let fear convince you not to do what you know in your heart you need to do for your baby. :)
Elizabeth Pantley wrote a great book called the No Cry Sleep Solution that is very pro-breastfeeding and attachment parenting. She has some great, practical tips in there that you might find helpful. One simple one is that when you first break the latch after he dozes back to sleep, to gently push his mouth closed by pushing up his chin with your index finger. For some reason, that stops thae "rooting" reflex and can signal that it's no longer time to be sucking on something. This explains it better than I can:
http://www.drmomma.org/2009/09/no-cry-sleep-solution-gent...
When I was night weaning my middle son (he was 17 months old and I was pregnant with his younger brother and really, ready for a few uninterrupted hours of sleep!) I found the above technique to be very effective.
Also keep in mind that 4 months old is growth spurt and teething time, so an increase in feedings and comfort nursing at this time is very common and usually passes. I highly recommend the NCCS book - when I read it I was on my second child and still learned a lot and it provides a nice alternative to what we normally think of as sleep training.
Do you need for him to sleep next to you? Because you may have to move him to his own sleeping space to cut down the comfort nursing - as long as you are right there, it might be irresistible to him. I can think of 2 options.
Can you switch places with your DH? Babies can smell mom nearby, and he might be comforted by your DH's warmth without rooting for food. When he actually wakes for food a few times a night, hand him over to feed, then put back next to DH.
Can you practice putting him to sleep in his own space during naptime during the day? That will give him practice at sleeping without comfort nursing, and if he wakes more often, it's not as disruptive to your sleep as it is in the middle of the night.
Yes, he's way too young to sleep train in any Ferber kind of way, if you are even a sleep training kind of mom (not everyone is). But he's not too young to start sleeping in his own space.
He's probably about to hit a growth spurt. If you're co-sleeping, are you able to fall asleep while he's eating? For me, that was one of the best things about co-sleeping. My son would wake up, I would latch him on and go back to sleep until he woke me again.
For now I would feed him whenever he wants and just know that this won't last forever.
My niece is going through this exact thing (same age baby). Seems I did too around 4 months.
At this age mine hit a growth spurt. My doctor warned me that they would get hungry at night (especially if you are breastfeeding) and need an extra feed in there - so even though you think feeds should go down, not so at growth spurts. So be sure he's getting fully fed. Both sides, burp in between. It might take a while for your milk supply to increase. Mine used to take a week or two. So I'd have a really rough patch where I thought I'd lose my mind due to them waking, and soothers won't cut it. If he's hungry, he'll keep waking.
Some of it is comfort for sure, but at 4 months, he's likely hungry.
I co-slept with my last. It was easy for her to nurse on one side and drift off. But that wasn't a full feed. So she'd wake again in about an hour. That's when my doc told me to feed fully, or else it would be snacks.
I used Nuk soothers. Have you tried those? Only kind my kids would take. They are supposed to be good for breastfed babies. They might not make them any more.
Sleep training ... just read report on that it's out of favor now. From neurologists. I tried it with my first (the Ferber method) and found it hard so I adapted it to a milder form of letting them fuss (not cry). I'd look into the latest findings on it before you try.
Good luck and keep us posted :)
4 months is prime growth spurt time, and possibly teething starting. I coslept on purpose with my second born until about 6 months old so that I could nurse at night while still being mostly asleep and not having to get up. I just kept him in the crook of my arm and he nursed whenever. This will pass, I promise. We had no issues transitioning to a crib when the time was right.
I know it stinks right now. You are probably sleep deprived, so having a baby who wants to nurse a lot is frustrating and draining. That is so tough!!!
Right now, your little guy is telling you that he is hungry. My rule was, if baby is hungry, baby eats. It's that simple. They usually eat all the time for a few days, grow and not eat as much, eat all the time for a few days, grow and not eat as much, repeat. After a few months he will likely settle a slightly more predictable routine. Mine usually did this around 6 months. They didn't sleep through the night until they were older, but they did require fewer feelings at night.
I'm sorry to say that this is very normal. The good news is it won't las forever!
No matter where you move him he's still going to be hungry. You need to feed him....
He's about to have a growth spurt more than likely and he's starving! He'll eat and eat and eat then not be hungry all the time and shoot up.
I suggest you feed him and just nap when he naps. It won't last forever. Also, most infants don't sleep all night until they're older. Even at this age he should be waking up at least once but more than likely they'll be waking up twice to eat.
sounds like a growth spurt feedings. both my kids would "cluster feed" whe growth spurting, and all those cluster feeds happened at night. they just seemed to want to nurse all night long. and pacifiers wouldn't work.
you can keep trying the pacifiers but i would lok into boosing milk supply, make sure baby is full and getting enough milk. then worry about getting baby to sleep in their own bed (or even their own room)
He might be legit hungry/growth spurt. I'd nurse him. If this really bothers you, you might try a co-sleeper. Remember that their stomachs are small, and "through the night" is really more like 5 hours. Kellymom.com has other tips.
And please don't sleep train before 6 mo. old.
The only thing gentle you can do is to turn your back to him so that he cannot get to your nipples. You have allowed yourself to be a human pacifier. He doesn't need to suck all night. This is now a habit.
The best thing you can do is change out this 3 to 4 hours of nursing during the day. That's not enough. It should be every 2 to 3 hours.
You might not be ready to sleep train, but it's going to be necessary if you ever want either one of you to get sleep again. Consider buying a baby type of bassinet that attaches to your bed that is his OWN space, yet you can reach right over to him to touch him. Letting him cry instead of sucking on you will just have to be done, without giving in, if you want him to finally sleep for stretches. Once you have done that, THEN you can move him to a crib that's not part of your bed.
I have a 9 month old and he's still the same way a lot of times its comfort sometimes it's hunger but please just put him on the boob:) it's a great bonding thing it makes him feel better,safer,relaxed,and feeds him it's stressful when your tired but he needs you and you feel better knowing your angel isn't hungry if that was the case or made him feel comforted. They don't stay full long on breastmilk and he's too young to try to wean him he's hungry a lot especially with all the growth spurts they go through. Hang in there mama it gets easier! Enjoy your baby boy. You will miss these days
I learned a valuable lesson form my aunt who has 10 kids when I mentioned to her my first kept me up all night nursing for an ENTIRE YEAR.
Sleep training is largely never necessary because sleep is based on natural body clock and fullness. A full baby will not wake or need any elaborate sleep routines. Many times people don't realize their babies are hungry and could eat more. Cosleeping and nursing on cue, while not wrong, do train the child to comfort themselves by nursing and cosleeping. Babies who go right into a crib get used to that right away, so it's all a personal choice, but the trick to the baby SLEEPING in either case is having a full belly. The CHALLENGE is that nursing babies are never full!! They need to nurse a lot!! Which is why my first kept me up so many months..I exclusively nursed for as long as possible and fed on cue..as soon as I started adding feedings to her days and more bulk to her diet, she slept without trouble.
My second was a big, ravenous, baby boy, and to be honest, I could not nurse him enough for my lifestyle at the time. I was home alone with a 2 year old, and I needed sleep. So I added formula and cereal and food as early as possible on top of nursing and stuffed him. So he slept through the night by 3 months. My third was a girl who I also stuffed, and she slept through the night even earlier because she wasn't as big and hungry.
Anyway. Once you can feed him more, he'll be more satisfied and sleep through the night. Hang in there, it's not easy! And if he's nursing strictly for comfort a lot, don't feel guilty to move him away from you and let him learn to feel secure sleeping alone. It's perfectly healthy too if he's full enough.
Our ped had said that once a baby reaches 12 lbs or 3 months they no longer need to feed at night. Whichever comes first. That meant we could get 6 hours or so uninterrupted. She also recommended a co sleeper bassinet or crib from day 1 For the child's safety and to promote good sleep.
Good luck to you and yours.
F. B.
Updated
Our ped had said that once a baby reaches 12 lbs or 3 months they no longer need to feed at night. Whichever comes first. That meant we could get 6 hours or so uninterrupted. She also recommended a co sleeper bassinet or crib from day 1 For the child's safety and to promote good sleep.
Good luck to you and yours.
F. B.
I wouldn't give up on the pacifiers. It took both my kids a bit of time to use them for comfort.
