4 Mo. Old Sleep Pattern

Oh I feel for you. I've been through that with each of my three children. When my 16 month old was this age, I decided to move the monitor to another room in the house so that I would be able to hear if the baby was really crying, not just stirring. On the pacifier issue,I felt like if I could get the pacifier in the baby's mouth without him seeing that was ok. After a short period of time the baby just decides he'd rather sleep than cry for the pacifier (or he learned to hold on to the pacifier better).

Hi T.,

This is very common with a baby that is overstimulated. Most of the time this is caused by a synthetic chemical, either laundry detergent or bath and body products or even a perfume you use can affect her neurological system. We all react to synthetic chemicals but some have more prominent senstivities than others. When I detoxed my house, everyone slept better. My husband who thought he was an insomniac, realized he wasn't. Let me know if you're interested in more information. I would love to help.

Regards,

M.
www.squidoo.com/ifyourbabycouldtalk

Wow, this really takes me right back to my daughter's first year. She did this exact same thing. We tried everything for her. She too took the shorter naps during the day, and slept fine for about 5 hours to start with at night. It did'nt matter what time I put her down at night, she still only slept well for the first few hours. We tried feeding when she started to stir. That just woke her up completely and then it was all over. I did exactly what your doing and it just wore me out. We soon figured out that if I slept with her she was very comfortable all night. It went against every thing I believe in, but from then on she slept great. For the first month or so I would try to put her in her crib thinking she would not realize it and stay asleep. She always woke right up. So I caved and she slept with me for the first few years. Until she was 5 or 6 years old she had some issues with sleeping on her own. The docs could never find anything out of order, so we decided that her personality was a needy one and she needed to sleep with me.

I sure wish I could help you on this one. Some kids are just different and take some figuring out. Be sure though to have her ears checked. Some babys get comfort from sucking, when they have fluid in their ears. This can be taken care of. Let us know how this works out, I'll be intersted to know.

My son has always been a terrible sleeper. I have spent most of the last year trying to figure out how to make him sleep better. One book that really helped me was The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. She talks about exactly your situation with the waking up and restlessness. There are biological reasons for it and it is totally normal, not that that makes it any easier. But there are things you can try to keep her asleep, or teach her to self-soothe and go back to sleep on her own. The frequent wakings are what most babies do, some just go back to sleep better than others. I definitely recommend you read it. Sorry, I can't remember exactly what it said to do for 4 month olds or I would give you the tips. Letting her cry at this point won't really work, and I am glad you didn't mention wanting to do that. It breaks my heart to read how many moms want to let infants cry it out so soon. I hope you find something that works, soon. I admire you for doing this on your own and working full-time too. I know it must be hard.

Get a copy of Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. It's a great book and helped me figure out sleep issues with my first child. I re-read it before my second was born so I wouldn't make the same sleep mistakes again. Good luck!

Does she have a problem with gas? That is what my girls acted like when they had gas problem. So I went against the rules and put them on their belly and that helped. I hate saying it becuase I am sure it will get some flack, but I did what I did and that was right before they said put kids on their backs because of SIDS. Three more children into it and it helped 3 out of 4 times. The other time the baby was hot or cold. Best wishes.

First off it will eventually be bearable to handle. She is only 4 months old. My youngest is 15 months and still wakes up at least twice in the middle of the night. My 4 year old still wakes up in the middle of the night around 2am like clock work. He comes into my room and then goes right back to sleep until 6:30 when we all start our morning. Most of my girlfriends can lay their children down at 8pm and not hear another thing out of them until 7:30am. Then they will take a 1.5-2 hour nap everyday without fail. I call those kids "sleepers". My children are the opposite and your daughter may also be that way. I honestly don't have any tricks to get it done. But you may want to try letting her come into bed with you when she wakes up around 2 and then she may sleep until 7. It may not be ideal but if she sleeps then you sleep, and thats important, especially if you have to get up and go to work everyday. Regardless of what you decide to do just know it will get easier, and try not to compare your daughter to everyone elses children, you'll only torture yourself!!!! GL

I think you are putting her down for the night too early. If you are wanting her to sleep till morning, try not putting her to sleep with her 7:30 bottle but keeping her up till about 10:30, giving her some rice cereal and then a bottle and putting her down for the night them. Bet she will sleep longer. 7:30 till 2 or 2:30 is about 7 hours. That is a good nights sleep for her. After you put her down at 10:30, then you go straight to bed also. That will give you good rest.

I could write a book on this, but I'm just going to recommend 2 links instead. I will tell you that my son did not sleep through the night until he was 13 months old (and I am a full time working mother). We tried cry it out (ferber) a couple of nights that ended with throw up all over him and his crib and a baby about half scared out of his mind (he was a high needs baby...now a high needs toddler). So, we decided to co-sleep or have him in his crib beside our bed. He slept SOOO much better close to us!

Check out these 2 links and see if it fits with your parenting style:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070200.asp
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070300.asp

Hang in there. Our first child was the same way and it was horrible. It does get better. I found that our son slept better when he slept with us. I put up a bedrail on our bed. As he got older we transitioned him to his own bed and his own room.

Hi,
My name is H..
My son was just like that too, I don't know if you tried giving your daughter cereal in her milk but that work for me. I started my son at three weeks old because he just would not sleep for long periods. I give him about a quarter scope and after that I had to actually wake him up to give him a bottle. With this he got a little constipated at times but I will mix a half teaspoon of brown sugar or more in his milk and he will go off a couple of time for that day. I hope this help!

My daughter was the same way with the noises. I actually put her in her own room at 5 weeks old because of it. And I, too, am a light sleeper. How far away is her room? If she cries (I mean really cries) can you hear her without the monitor? If so, turn off the monitor. Sometimes babies just cry out in their sleep for a few minutes, grunt, fart, whatever, and it doesn't mean they are awake. They are just active sleepers like mine. If she needs you, you'll know. It may be that she is, in fact, sleeping all night, albeit noisily. Good luck.

Hi there,

I just read all the other posts you've gotten so far. You know you are going to get a LOT! Everyone has stories and opinions about baby sleeping. The no-sleep club has a lot of members and unless you have lived it, you just can't understand how tiring it is.

You are obviously a very good mother, and working full-time to boot! You need some rest and I feel for you!

Since none of the other moms (yet) have suggested it, let me be the "mean" mother who will tell you that for a lot of babies, the "cry it out" method WORKS. I feel terrible for my friends who just won't do it and suffer terribly from sleep deprivation as a result. I am not saying that it works for every child, and certainly I would never recommend it if there were other health or hunger issues, but if your baby is healthy, it will probably work.

Here is what to do (by the way, my second is now 6 months old and I decided at 4.5 months that it was "time" - I was exhausted and ready to get some sleep. This WORKED. And it worked great for my first baby, too).

It starts during the day, not the night. If your mom has the baby you are going to have to get her on board. Your baby has a classic case of not knowing how to self-soothe. She is soothed to sleep by being held (oh so wonderful for both giver and baby but not in the long run, because poor baby doesn't know how to stay asleep). When she rouses during naps and at night, she cannot put herself back to sleep. This is not her fault, she just doesn't know how, but she will learn if you give her the chance to!

Anyway, start during the day, not at night. Put her down for her nap when she is drowsy and let her cry and fuss if she has to. DON'T WAIT TILL SHE IS ASLEEP TO PUT HER DOWN FOR THE NAP - SHE WON'T LEARN HOW TO SOOTHE! If you want to give her the binky some, do, but honestly, she will probably drop it and at some point you'll just have to let her cry -- like another poster said, you can't get in the habit of going in there every 15 mintues to put the binky back in; you still won't get any sleep. :)

If you do this consistently during the day, your nights are automatically going to get better. I gave a friend this advice 2 weeks ago and it worked like a charm for her, too. Once your baby is doing better during the day, then it is time to work on the night. MOve that monitor somewhere else - I put mine a couple of rooms away as I am a light sleeper, too. That way I can hear if baby is truly crying but I don't hear every little fussy noise she makes when she halfway rouses.

You may find that fixing the naps will automatically get her sleeping through the night. If not, you may have to let her cry some. It took 3 nights with my 4.5 month old. First night - 50 minutes (really tough), 2nd night - 40 min, 3rd night - 20 minutes, and blissful sleep all night long (8pm-7am with a feeding at 10 pm) ever since.

So the other moms can say I am mean, but my baby is happier since she is well-rested, and I am definitely a better mother when I have rest. The whole family is happy and rested. When I hear of 2 year olds still sleeping in bed with mommy and both parents are wailing that they can't get him in his own bed, or I hear of 11 month olds not sleeping through the night and the parents refuse to let them cry it out, it is not the poor child's fault. Now, let everyone call me judgemental. I am not; I respect other people's decisions for thier kids. I just feel for them because I know they are not getting any rest, and there is a simple way to fix it if they would just try. I know that this doesn't always work for everyone, but it works for a LOT of babies. But a lot of parents just aren't willing to do it. Trust me, the baby does not remember it and they are not going to feel anger toward you. When the baby wakes up later, she smiles at you just the same and mine just loves me to death!!! :)

Good luck!

My first (now 4-1/2 years old) wouldn't sleep 2 seconds in a crib at any age. He slept with us after many sleepless nights, I brought him to bed with me and he slept all night from then on. As he got older, we'd start him off the night in his toddler bed, he would get up around 1-2 a.m. and come back to our bed. Since this past Christmas, he has only gotten up twice to come to our bed. he is now in a twin bed and sleeping there all night.

My second is now 9 months old and he still wakes up between 1 and 3 a.m. He goes to sleep somewhere around 8 (give or take 30 min or so). He usually isn't hungry when he wakes. If found that if I bring him straight to bed with me, he goes right back to sleep and stays asleep till the alarm goes off at 6:30. If he doesn't go right back to sleep then I know he is hungry and will feed him. He does the sleep only when being held thing a lot too. When he wakes at night, I scoop him up and bring him right to bed with me now (tried this because he would sleep as long as I held him but the second I put him back in his bed, he would wake up). So now we both are getting more sleep since we both are only awake for a few minutes.

I know that everyone isn't crazy about having a baby in bed with them, and I wasn't either. I swore I'd never do it...until I missed so much sleep I couldn't stand it any longer. Now, I wish I had started it earlier. They do sleep better and longer when close to mom. Since you are a light sleeper, you'll know if the baby wakes and/or starts moving around too much.

Hope you are able to find something to help you both get some sleep!

Hi T.,
May I first say that congratulations to you for putting yoru baby to bed at a perfect hour! 7:30 is not too early and keeping a baby awake so they will sleep longer usually doesn't work and hurts the baby's development - they need 12 hours a night, plus 2 hrs of naps at this age (and until they are at least 18 months)..we put our baby to bed at 6:30 pm and he slept until 6:30 am - once we figured out we should be bundling him because he preferred that (all babies are different)

We had a similar experience with our first baby - a boy. He only ever took 30 min cat naps until he was 10 months old...and he would not sleep in his car seat so I really had a tough time ever going anywhere...
he also was a crappy night sleeper - but at 2 months I tried bundling him in a Miracle Blanket -the fancy one that keeps them really snuggled up and they can't break out of it...that did the trick...he began sleeping thru the night about 3 days into using the blanket. We just didn't go back in and after three nights he figured out we weren't coming back in and he gave up and started sleeping. At 7 months he broke out of the bundle and so we went to regular sleepers again. It took him about 4 nights to readjust and we didn't go back in (unless he was sick) to check on him after one initial check 5 mins after putting him down. We had 6 pacifiers all over the crib so in the event he woke up - he could find one and stick it back in...(it is usually about the 6 month mark where they can put the passy back in their mouth on their own...

Whatever you do, don't start feeding at night - or else you will never break the pattern. She knows you are coming in and beleive me, its a game for her to get more mommy time now.
Also, are you putting her down awake or asleep initally? if the answer is asleep, that may be another issue - she has to learn how to fall asleep on her own at the beginning of the night so if she wakes in the middle, she can put herself back to sleep then, too. So get her drowsy and begin telling her its time to go to bed once she is almost asleep. Even if she wakes you will have to put her in and let her cry it out for 5 mins, then 10 mins, then 15 mins, etc...it will take about 3-4 days to transition her, but will be easier than you thought - we use one of those fisher price aquariums and play it for them as we lay them down - and again, about the 6 month mark, they can reach up and hit it again and again until they fall asleep. But begin using it now....just don't go back in and turn it on again for her...she'll learn how to do that herself which is what you want! Ours wake up and hit the button and go back to sleep on their own - its awesome! My 4 yr old still uses his in his big-boy bed!

good luck to you - you may want to find the book On Becoming Baby Wise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Buchannon, MD. It saved us and the sleep cycle it creates works great!

I would say count your lucky stars for 5 hours straight at 4 months old. She should have a developmental leap soon & her pattern will change, be patient & know it is coming.

In the meantime, have pacifiers all over the crib for her to "find" herself. We put our daughter to bed with one in her mouth, one in each hand & at least 6 or 7 lying close by.

I think my brother actually hooked several on his sons fingers.

It is important to let her figure out how to self soothe. If she is fussing, let her work it out. IF she is screaming, by all means help her. Maybe if you start by putting the passy in her hand not her mouth she will figure out how to search for it to help herself.

Self soothing is a learned skill and takes a little time. She'll get there! Her patterns will be changing so often at this age you dont have to worry about being stuck with any of them for very long.

You could also try putting her in a co-sleeper. That way you can help her without really getting up & she will sense you and be more at ease. I am sure she misses you through the day!

I know it is hard at the beginning, I too sleep with the monitor next to my bed and I am a light sleeper. I am just not comfortable turning it off or down to where only the lights let me know when something is wrong. 4 months is kind of early to be sleeping through the night, but some babies do it. Remember that babies are just like us, everyone has a different sleep pattern. Just b/c one baby is sleeping through the night does not mean the other will at the same time. My first son slept through the night at 4 months, but my second son did not sleep through the night until he was 7 months old. It did not matter what we did. Putting rice in her bottle does not really help, especially at that age b/c it can cause other problems like tummy aches and constipation...and if she gets any of these you def won't be sleeping. Just ride it out. Get up at 2 (or whenever it is) feed her and put her back to bed. We use a sound machine in the room which seems to help (sound of rain). Also, when are her nap times? My first son would only sleep 20-30 minutes at a time and a friend suggested moving his nap time up 30 minutes. She said he was probably overly tired and couldn't get settled down. so instead of 9:30 nap time I put it at 9:00. I wasn't expecting it to work, but the first time I did it he slept an hour and a half. Did the same for his afternoon nap and he slept 3 hours! I kept checking on him to make sure the monitor was working b/c he had never slept that long! Hope this helps. Hugs to you...the first 6 months are a little rough b/c you are running on lack of sleep. It will pass though and you will be sleeping through the night in no time.

Dear T. P

Just some sugesstions.
I remember when i was a little one.
When it was time for sleep at night.
I remember a ticking Clock of my Grandparents.
Listening to it till I would go to sleep.
Maybe soothing music; not too loud very soft music.
Her little mind sounds like it has alot going on inside.
Maybe a constant sound like the soft music or the ticking of a clock.
I hope i helped a little.
god Bless you and your loving family.
Vicki W.

Both of my babies slept in a cradle swing all night until they were about 6 months old. We loved the Fisher Price because it's adjustable and comfortable. We got the plug-in kind and didn't install the tray. It is also important to tightly swaddle the baby and turn on a loud white noise maker. You should definately not waste another minute before you watch the "Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD. Also, a four month old will soon be able to chase down her own paci. Hang in there. Two more months and you'll be through the hardest part.

It sounds like she's a snuggle-bug! Have you considered keeping her in bed with you, in the crook of your arm? While you might think she'd wake you up more, she'll probably sleep deeper and better with you than separated from you.

Check out Dr. James McKenna's work in the field of baby sleep: http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/

Some babies, like mine, only sleep for 30-40 minutes at a time. It is just there way. You can't force a baby to sleep longer than it will.... believe me when I tell you we tried. Their sleep cycles are only 20 minutes long so sometimes this is all they need. Our little guy took about 3/4 naps a day in this manner. As for the night time sleeping, most likely she is hungry when she wakes. That is what happened to us. I am so glad for the folks who had babies with wonderful sleep patterns... I was not that fortunate..lol. Good luck and if you find something besides letting them scream their lungs out for an hour let me know!

You're almost creating a problem by being so involved. If your daughter's room is close enough that you can hear her if she REALLY cries, I'd turn the monitor off during the night. For centuries babies all over the world have 'lived' without being intently monitored 24/7, and it's almost unrealistic to expect yourself to do it. She'll learn to 'self-pacify', or else she'll really wake up and let you know it! You're inadvertently perpetuating dysfunctional sleep patterns for both of you by trying to do TOO much.

Don't wake up and give her a pacifer; I learned the hard way that was the worst thing I could do- b/c it showed my daughter that she just had to cry and momma would find it for her. No mater how many times or when during the night. I did it orriginally to keep the quite for my hard working husband, but it was horrible. Turn off the monitor and put a couple of pacifers on a stuffed animal and let her know its there. Good luck!

My advice is to teach her how to soothe herself to sleep. During the day try putting her down when she is drowsy and then let her soothe herself to sleep. She will not like it at first but after a few days she will get the picture. At night, don't get up unless she is crying. If she's just making noise - I wouldn't do anything to arouse her. I'm a very light sleeper and, like you would go into my sons room everytime he made a sound but I eventually stopped doing it and now I let him sleep through the night and only get up when he cries. I still wake up when I hear him making noises and rustling around but I don't go to him. He has learned to put himself back to sleep. If you continue this pattern she will do it as she gets older. My advice is to nip it in the bud now.

Have you tried giving your daughter cereal of some kind before her pre-nap and pre-night bottles? If she's a little fuller, it might help her to fall back into deep sleep. Another thing.. our son had 45 minute cycles. Picture a dolphin swimming way under the water, and then leaping out and above the surface. At exactly 45 minutes, he would 'come up above the surface' of sleep, to the point that he would sometimes wake up. But he wasn't done sleeping. He clearly wasn't happy and rested at these times. We figured out that if he was full, and if (only at the 45 minute marks during his sleeping) we were very quiet and he had a paci, he would settle back down and sleep again. Yes, sometimes I had to go in and put the paci in his mouth, but only when transitioning away from the middle of the night feeding. Before we figured out that he really wasn't done with his nap when he roused at 45 minutes, we would get him up, only to have him cranky. That's not rested. There was a big difference in his temperament between 2 cycles and 3 during a nap. I would turn the moniter off if you're a light sleeper. If something is truly wrong, you'll know it without the moniter.

Do you swaddle her? We swaddled our daughter until she was 5.5 months old, and it did wonders.

I would suggest swaddling her for sleep and getting rid of the monitor. If she really needs you, you'll hear her. Is that bad to say? I never used one and we all survived. Although, our house is pretty small. ;)
If you've never swaddled, there is a photo tutorial here:
http://adenandanais.com/swaddling-guide.html
Since your baby is a little older, you will probably just do the arms - which I have found is just as effective. If it looks like the baby doesn't like it, try doing it a little tighter. Knit blankets work especially well (like t-shirt material) but can be hard to find (I got some from Old Navy when my son was little - I still use them when I babysit!). I think most people only swaddle really little babies but some just need it longer. I swaddled one baby up to 9 months!
Good luck!
M.
www.nomommybrain.com