4 And a Half Year Old Will Not Sleep in Her Own Bed, Need Advice!

My son is 5, and just started staying in his own room alone a few months ago. He really didn't want to be by himself. I just had to be stern but comforting. I spent time getting him settled into his room...reading stories, watching a short cartoon before bedtime, drawing dinosaurs, cuddling, etc, then when he started to nod off leave the room. When he woke up at night, I put him back into bed. He cried a few times, sometimes I gave in and stayed in his room with him if he was too sad, but over time he gradually became used to it. I don't think bribing works...tried it, its just not motivation for a child that age. They don't quite get the connection.

can the two of you commit to a weekend (or more if possible) of little sleep in order to fix this? if you use the super nanny method of putting her back in her bed, EVERY time she gets up, without saying anything to her...i can guarantee 2 things. (i did this with my son) #1, it will be a NIGHTMARE - she will last longer than you ever thought possible with screaming and jumping out of bed - possibly for hours on end. she will get LOUD and ANGRY. it will be difficult, torturous. but #2 - it WILL work after a couple nights. it doesn't take 20 or 30 minutes on one night like her show says. BUT it does work. look at her website and i'm sure they will have more tips.

as far as the dad's house goes, it might make it harder. but she is almost 5 and quite capable of understanding, different houses, different rules. you will have to stick to your guns. good luck!

Is the new living situation recent? How long have you all lived together? If it hasn’t been that long, then you really need to give this little girl more time. She is ONLY 5 years old!

I was in a very similar situation. My daughter was 4 when I remarried and my husband was VERY understanding during her adjustment period. He had no problems with her and I co-sleeping until she felt safe and secure again. It took a couple of months but at least we were all happy and well rested during that time. Once she was in her own bed sleeping alone, we never had problems again because we helped her.

Also telling your GF the “issues” need to be resolved before taking the next step is putting a lot of pressure on her and she certainly does not need that and neither does her daughter. You can’t FORCE this to happen. It has to happen naturally. You and your future step-daughter will have a better relationship if you show her compassion and patience during this time.

Please tell your GF that you love her and that you will be patient during this time.
I'm sure they are all worth it! =-)

A divorce is very hard on children... and seems the little girl is taking it the hardest. What is so terrible or hard about allowing a small child to sleep in the bed with you and her Mom? Is that really the end of the world? Can you not be more compassionate about a child who is having a hard time dealing with the separation, into two complete households, her Mother and Father?

Forcing her away or punishing her for this behavior will end up hurting her, making her feel even more confused, hurt and abandoned than she obviously feels at the moment.

Having her start sleeping in your bed and waking up together in the morning will solve the issues of losing sleep for the moment, until she's able to better cope with the situation and go back into her own bed.

you both have to be on board with it, and resolved to see it through. first decide what accommodations you ARE willing to make for her (nightlight, music box, white noise, monster spray, nightmare-banishing windchimes, special stuffed animal etc) and let her know beforehand what the rules are.
then stick to them.
every single time she comes into your room, take her back to bed. if she tries to talk to you about her dreams, gently tell her you will listen in the morning and don't engage. let her do whatever ritual you all decide is appropriate to banish the bad dreams, but don't let the episode get prolonged in any way. little to no conversation, not even eye contact, right back to bed.
it may result in zero sleep for a while. but it won't take long for a child this age to get it, so long as you are clear and consistent.
it's okay that she gets a family bed at her dad's. family beds are great so long as everyone is happy with it. kids are very adaptable and able to understand that different households have different routines.
a new toy might be a nice thing to do as a long-term reward (if she's able to do it for several nights running, say) but it's unlikely to be a sufficient motivator on its own.
above all, don't get angry with her. whether the dreams are real or a ploy, sleeping alone is clearly an issue for her and you want to help her cope with love and compassion. it's hard to do when you're sleep-deprived, but hang in there.
khairete
S.

She is getting a little old to sleep with her dad (or with you for that matter). This is something that will not get resolved without consistency from BOTH parents. I think that your best bet is a sticker chart towards a very special incentive. Give her a sticker if she goes back to her own room and stays there, two if she doesn't come out of her room at all. Good luck.