3Yo Nightmare

My daughter is the same age and when she's had bad dreams, I just tell her they are like a movie in her head that play when she is asleep - she knows what movies are and I tell her all the time they are not real, only pretend, and so are bad dreams. I would also reassure your daughter that you would never leave her anywhere and that you will always do what you need to do to keep her safe.

It's generally impossible to talk people, whether they are big or little, out of their fears. It's far more helpful, in most cases, to deeply empathize so your sweetie has a chance to work her feelings through to where she can deal with them.

Some examples of things you might say, followed by empathetic "Hmm" and "Oh, I understand," and "I see/I feel that, too":

Oh, honey, you had a really sad and scary dream, didn't you? Can you tell me about it?
…Dreams feel really real, don't they? It's like watching a video, but you're in it, so it feels like it's really happening. Is it that way for you?
…What was the part that felt worst to you?
…Did it get better after that?
…You are really afraid of being lost, aren't you?
…Have I ever lost you? Besides in your nighttime dreams?

After she seems to have said everything she can about her fears, try looping her into more positive feelings. This will help bring her into the present, where she is safe:
…Is it better now? What makes it feel better for you?
…Are you feeling lost right now?
…How do you feel when you're NOT lost? Pretty happy, huh?
…Would you like to have a plan, just in case you ever get lost? What do you think you should do first? (Some gentle coaching here is helpful.)

I remember my mother trying to argue or scold me out of fears of the dark. It never helped. I use the above techniques with my grandson when he's struggling with any sort of negative feelings, and they seem pretty evenly effective.

oh dear. I imagine this is breaking your heart. Hang in there M.. It will pass.

When my son was 2 he kept waking up in the middle of the night. He didn't have the words to tell me he was scared or had had a nightmare. But my MIL suspected he'd seen things on tv that scared him or he'd started to empathize with Buzz being lost or Woody being stolen. Whatever it was, it soon passed. Before he fell asleep we would say prayers in bed and every night we'd ask God to give us "sweet dreams" and that we can "stay safe in our bed all night long" (I was getting very cranky with lack of sleep). So try that, if saying prayers is part of your nighttime routine.

Try all those words like "Not real" "imaginary." My son likes "pretend."

Monitor what she watches on tv. Perhaps she watched a cartoon where the kiddo got lost and couldn't find their mom.

Perhaps get her a new cuddly stuffed animal for bedtime. Perhaps get her a pretend cell phone so she knows she can always call you. Pretend-phone call eachother and laugh and just try to be overly positive.

Poor pumpkin! I know it breaks your heart. You know, we drill in their heads to stay with us in the store or wherever because of OUR fear they will get lost. With my little boy I always communicate as much as possible at the level he understands. Before bed we always say prayers that we won't have bad dreams and that the angels will stay with us to watch over us. I liked the other advice that you got also about explaining how dreams are like movies that play in our heads while we sleep but that they are only our imaginations and not something real. Just as an aside I remember in high school my best friend was desperate to see me one school morning because she had the worst nightmare that I was hurt the night before! Even when we are grown up nightmares affect us! Just reassure her, give her some extra love and attention before bedtime over the next couple of evenings. Wow, I will pray for both of you!! :) God bless, V.

This is a tough one. My son had his first dream a few months ago and it spawned about 6 months worth of irrational fears! The best thing we did was to explain to him that dreams are in his imagination and are "pretend" and NOT make a big deal out of it. As opportunities arise to refer to "pretend" and "imagination", we pointed it out so that he started to understand the words. It is completely normal at this age b/c they have vivid imaginations, but cannot distinguish b/w reality and fantasy.

Last night he woke up (also 3) and was screaming that there was a monster in his bed. I put him back down, rubbed his back and told him that the monster was in his imagination, not in his bed. It will take a while, but she'll start to understand!

I think that fear is fairly common when they are starting to exert some independance from us. They want to be reassured that, even though they may wander a bit, we will not wander away from them. As for the dream, my kids responed well to visualization and changing it. They would tell me their dream, and I would sit or lay by the bed, holding their hand. I would ask them to picture the dream again and tell it to me, and when they got to the scary part, I would ask how they wanted to change it to make it not scary. For example, if my daughter had had the same dream your daughter did, we would probably visualize me coming back and getting her, hugging her and letting her know what a big brave girl she was while mommy was gone. The reassurance would continue with mommy won't leave you, mommy loves you, etc. This allows the child some power and control over their dreams and a way to get back to sleep feeling loved. My kids are both teens, and they still do visualization and change on their own when they have bad dreams. Hope this helps.