3Rd Wheel....a MAN?????

If you are up for it just say point blank...."Honey I'm going to go to the bedroom now. I'm taking off all my clothes. Good Night "Friend" but I need to have sex with my beloved". Men can can't take hints just be honest!
Good Luck!!!

Military types often do this (glom on), because interpersonal relationships and boundaries are treated differently. Sexual culture is also quite different. IME the best thing to do is to tell him to plan on having sex for the next 2 weeks, and want to do it in private, so if you come over he needs to hightail it. Then as soon as the kids come back, he's welcome.

"You see me, you grab your beer and march. Nothing personal, see you in 2 weeks, so make a hole, or get on my sh*t list. :D" Do it with a smile, and don't feel bad about putting both hands on him and showing him the door. It's considered playful good manners in the military. Women can literally shove men out of the way and they'll be laughing and joking with you the whole time. You may have to move his head out of the way of the door a few times. Then feel free to lock it and shout through it you'll see him later.

("Make a hole" means "move out of the way", in a totally non-judgemental/ non-confrontational way)

THAT OPEN.

Quite literally, tell him to go, and do it with a smile. Marching orders. Seriously. There won't be hurt feelings. It's a different culture.

R- xUSMC

It's not your responsibility to find other friends for him so I disagree with the people who are suggesting that for you. This is an easy one-- when he knocks on the door, simply don't answer it.... or answer it by opening just a crack and say, "I'm so sorry... this is awkward... but now is not really a good time... Sorry..." and close the door. And when he IS in the house with you, say, "___ and I are looking forward to spending some alone time together while the kids are away-- I'm sure you can understand... I don't want to hurt your feelings, but please don't stop by tomorrow so ___ and I can be alone. Thank you for understanding." Why would you let this guy walk all over you? If someone doesn't get a hint, stop hinting and speak up!!!

He doesn't get what? What boundaries is he not seeing? I'm willing to bet no one has even hinted to him that it's a problem. You told your bf. And either your bf told him, and the guy is a psycho who still refuses to leave, OR your bf didn't tell him. I'm guessing the latter. This guy thinks he has two really cool friends who are a couple and everything is fine. Your bottled up annoyance is just that.

Tell him nicely , "Hey, just wanted to let you know, bf and I have plans to do x from x date to x date while the kids are gone. See you next week!" Unless he's a complete jerk, he will be more than happy to scram. And if your bf has a problem with you doing that, that is a HUGE red flag on him and the relationship.

But don't expect your bf to do it. It sounds like he doesn't mind the guy. What did he say when he told him how you felt? Did he agree? It may hurt the guy's feelings more coming from a bro than a ho. Just let bf know what you are going to say, and state your plans. Dont' make it personal, and don't be scared, it will be fine.

WOW. I would say,this guy needs to get out and make some friends. Take him to the gun range, church, bowling alley, skating rink, pool, places where he will meet other people to hang with. There are so many places to meet people. He just needs to be introduced. Do you have friends you could hook him up with? A bowling partner? someone who would go to the movies with him?

Don't you have a friend you can set him up with? I am sure he is lonely and would love a companion. This would get him off your back and also help him out.

It's only 3 more months, I am sure you can suck it up. I wouldn't make it into a big deal and start arguments with your BF...just not worth it..

What does your BF say? Is he as fed-up with this guy as you or does he not have a problem with him coming over all the time? If your both on the same page you guys should just be polite but honest and be like "Dude! We have no kids...were taking some alone time tonight"...if your not on the same page then I would defer to what BF wants (it is HIS friend) and deal with it and say to myself repeatedly "Only 3 more months,only 3 more months"!

Mom,
Please tell me you are not living with this man with three children combined and not married? If I were you I'd go home to my place when your BF's friend comes over and do so continually until it happens less. Soon your BF should get the hint. You will also be able to see who he enjoys spending more time with his buddy, or you. I think if he was such a great guy he would care for you and spending time with your children enough to tell his buddy it would be better if he came only when he calls and invites him. Personally I think you need to realize since you are not married to this guy, you really don't have the power or authority to ask him to reduce the time his friend is over. If he were your husband, you probably would not hesitate to ask him to please do this for you. A good, marrying type man, would who values and respects time alone with his significant other would. THis should be a big red flag to you that this Mr Right may not be the guy you think he is, or at least it is a sign for the future that he may not be marrying material if friends come 1st. Good luck

If it were me, I'd plan (on the calendar) a few date nights while the kids are gone. Explain to your boyfriend that it's important to you that you have some time alone while you are both awake, and ask HIM to talk to his friend and let Friend know that which nights you aren't 'available'. I'd also explain that, if Friend shows up anyway, that Boyfriend is to be very clear that this is a date night. Maybe even taping a note on the door? Something funny but clear like "Date Night In Progress--Do Not Disturb".

What your boyfriend might also need explained to him is that simply having another presence in the house "hanging around" isn't really relaxing to you and this is your vacation from parenting. Alone Time with your boyfriend should be just that. If he doesn't want to make a boundary, suggest going to a hotel a couple of nights. This sounds maddening, but it also sounds like you needs this guy to NOT be around, or to come at an agreed-upon time.

For what it's worth, many who have served in the armed forces and been deployed to the Middle East or other areas of constant unrest often return with some serious emotional scars. It also may be that living with constant companionship has been the norm for him for a long, long time. His lack of boundaries may be his trying to keep things feeling "normal" or he may have other reasons for preferring not to be alone. Life in the Armed Forces is by nature very communal and people are mutually dependent on each other at times for their sheer survival. So this may even be related to his feeling safe, because war does pretty horrible things to people. He might not talk about it, but if he's seen combat, he's got a large burden to carry. This may be your boyfriend's soft spot, so it's something to consider. Tough situation!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! And have Every Right to Feel the Way You Do!
I haven't read any of your answers, but I had the same situation with my husband. (I have a daughter from a 1st marriage also, so every other weekend was alone time, too.) My husband is in the air force national guard and his buddy he went to boot camp with moved to Killeen, Texas for about a year. (We live in Houston.) And at the time we were in a small apartment. Well, for about a month my husband's buddy came down EVERY WEEKEND!! The guy already got on my nerves to begin with- Very different views than us, always depressed and complaining about stuff, etc. I told my husband, in the most calm way I could, that this was not acceptable. If the tables were turned he wouldn't appreciate my girl friend taking away all of our free time. Especially if it was a friend he couldnt' stand (although he likes all of my friends...) He recognized there was a problem and had to break it to his friend that he couldn't come stay with us every weekend. I made a compromise with my husband (to relay to his friend) that a once/month visit MAX would be acceptable. It worked out. We're still married & they're still friends. I hope this helps.

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For someone to say something like this is your fault just shows that they prob have worse problems. I am in a similar boat except our 3rd wheel is my husband's twin brother. We've been able to get it so he doesn't come over as often but I think it's because we live about 45 minutes away now. But that doesn't stop him from trying to be apart of everything we do AND HE HAS A GF that he lives with so even if you did play match maker the situation may not change. Maybe yall need to sit down with him and make a calender on days that yall will be available. Maybe that will get you through to October. LOL Good Luck. Plus at least urs will be leaving in October. I've been trying to get ours to leave for 3 years and I still don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Oh yeah and he is my husband's helper at work which makes it even harder. I loved all of the responses bc I think they help me as well.

Does this person have any family he can visit? You didn't say anything about your bf inviting him over or does this person comes over on his own? You and your bf could take him to a public event or outing and introduce him to more people. October is not so far away, maybe something will happen for the best, introduce him to other marines. People in the marines has an organization and a web page.

when alone with him tell him that you need some alone time with your bf. That he is welcome to come over sometimes but not all the time, To please call ahead of time to see if it would work out for him to come over etc. I was married to the military life and know that they are lonely and need to be around some people they know. Have you tried to introduce him to some of your friends that also want to be with other people? Female------

Been there and have done that.....as for being married - this does not necessarily give you more options or a person who respect your wishes , more.... i had the same situation with my husband friends and eventually he gave all his friends generous visitation options and some of them brought their friends who went with the flow--- it can snowball .... some of them was on our doorstep 6 days out of the week. But my first mistake was in not taking a firm stand with definite defined rules... i feel a friend should have access to us for so many hours per week after that extended hours must be discussed with and consented to by both parties....if someone will not inform their friend of unavailability then other party has the right to have the "conversation" with the offender or lock the door in their face..... Curious... you both have children --- how does this affect your life,,,,some kids like to stay home and bring the party there....have the two of you touched base on this issue ,yet---- because it can be a L. difficult to explain to your kids why their ' friends" have curfews and yours do not ....and the situation can get messier if they sense that there is not a united front on this issue.....given today world and its temptations - it can be safer for children of any age at home.....SO considering his response here --- i think you need to know his response on this issue.also ...because friends who overstay their welcome can have financial consequences----- sometimes these friends decide chow and refrigerator privileges come with "visitations" rights.---- seriously i know people--- where--- the friends of their children and their spouses have basically destroyed home and budget.... they- honestly- can not afford the the higher grocery bills and can not keep up with the housework created by extra bodies around all the time and/ or the lack of time to do it because they always have company . or my favorite is the situation where the household has children both under and over the age of 18.. The over 18 kids brings bf or gf home with visitation rights during the "sleeping hours" in this mixed household.

What does your hubby think of this guy hanging around all the time? You could just suck it up til October...Or you could tell your bf to tell his friend to back off...and he will...or you'll know why the dude is there all the time.

No time to beat around the bush today--this is your fault. You say that he has no boundaries. Well, the problem is that you have not clearly and effectively communicated YOUR boundaries. That's not his fault. You need to stop being so available. Start off by letting him know the week before which day(s) you are available. On the other days, do NOT be available. Do not answer the door. If you do answer the door, look puzzled and let him know that you were not expecting him and have other plans. No need for details. It might not be that easy, but it is that simple.

Update: Sorry you thought I was being rude. I am not one to "blame the victim". I just think that we teach people how to treat us. Maybe because of your prior relationship, you are a L. sensitive to this and don't have the nerve to stand up for yourself. Maybe on some level you do not feel worthy. Whatever the reason, you don't need any permission to feel comfortable in your space. If you do not communicate clearly with people, then you have no right to expect them to know what to do around you. That's what I mean by "your fault". It's not rude to make certain demands of your space and time, especially in your own home environment. Maybe the part of you that was in that bad relationship is still a L. afraid to go against what's comfortable for someone else, because you think that it's rude. That's how victims are made. I don't want that for you. (No, I do not have "worse problems", as someone suggested. I am happy and healthy, with husband and friends and other family. And I am comfortable in my space.)

Tell him what you just told us.

I see why you feel the way you do, but you should just suck it up. He's only here for another three months and then, he will be deployed.

Put up with him for another three months...that can be your way of thanking him for his service to our country!!

He's putting his life on the line, what's three more months of your life, when his life could easily end after he gets deployed?

Unfortunately I think this can be a common issue with divorced guys- they bond after their divorces, hanging out to do 'guy things'. Then one of them moves on into a relationship and the other just doesn't know what to do with himself!

I would sit down for a long heart to heart with your man. Men have a lot harder time making friends and opening up than women do, so IME, they tend to value the close friendships they do have. When you combine that with most men's unwillingness to talk about 'issues' etc- this will go on forever if you do not address it now.

Make sure you do not CRITICIZE the friend. But you need to make it clear to your man that your partnership with him and your lives together need more time and attention ALONE- nothing personal against, Buddy, but sometimes three IS a crowd.

Ask your BF if he can arrange to meet his friend for a regular 'man-night' out to watch a game or play basketball or whatever they do. But ask him to also let his friend know that with the kids out of town this week, he is REALLY looking forward to some one-on-one time with you! Most other guys will understand THAT reason right away, and that will be a start for you.

Just be nice and not bitchy, but firm. Ask him to make more specific plans with this friend and also with you. Good luck!

Can you introduce him to someone with more time on their hands???

If it's only until Oct. start locking your doors and pretending not to be home every other night or so. It's a short term thing.

I think I have seen a similar question on Dear Margo (Ann Landers' daughter). The response I saw, and agree with, is to lock the doors and answer through the door that this isn't a day when you can entertain him. Set those boundaries! If you need to, remind him that you just are not up to having him in the house. Let him make up his own answer to "why?" or "why not?" !!!

Please put your foot down. He can visit next week!