I'd recommend comparing the vehicles you're interested in online through sites such as NADA, Kelly Blue Book, Edmunds or even via a subscription to Consumer Reports. The first 3 are free.
I'd be very careful looking into data from the highway safety institute on crash testing. We have a Honda Pilot (not available until 2003) which has a great rating for a 3rd row (along with the Acura MDX and the Ford Freestyle/Taurus X). With the exception of the Pilot, you're likely to find either of the others for less than $10K because of how recently they've been available.
The BEST place to buy a new car to know it's safe is CarMax. They won't put a car on the lot that they wouldn't drive themselves. I have a 2008 Taurus that was a comapny car and had been in 3 accidents (none my fault and none major - mostly paint work). They will buy it but will sell it at auction for parts instead of putting it on a lot.
Hope that helps and good luck!