3.5 Yr Old Refuses Naps/quiet Time... Mom Is Struggling

I'm not a big advocate for the TV, but when it comes to quiet time, it's my best friend. My son stopped napping at age two. Doing quiet activities, like reading books, doesn't count for mommies quiet time. I find that if I pop in a movie, my son will watch it quietly while I can have some of mommy time all to myself.

I don't have any advise to offer you on your husband because I'm pretty much in the same boat. Having two children has been a strain on my marriage and my happiness. I don't even think my husband recognized that I was miserable. I don't think he had any idea how much I would cry. We never talked about these things because by the time we got some time together, we were both exhausted. I think around 6 months postpartum, I finally got into a routine and things have begun to slide back into normal. Things are getting better. Perhaps it just takes a bit of time.

My SIL has 3 kids, 3, 5 and 7 years old. 3 year old still naps, but 5 and 7 year olds have been having quite time since they gave up naps. She just closes the door and tells them that they are not to come out till she comes and gets them. Your son it testing the limits. Tell him what the rules are and that he is expected to follow them.

My 3.5 year old also gave up her nap recently, and very suddenly. I'm still struggling with it too. But I agree with the others about TV or a video. It won't hurt him. Just make sure he's safe and understands the rules if you plan to nap while he stays up (no opening the door for strangers or going outside or helping himself to the fridge, etc...)

Just be honest with your husband about your needs. He'll apprecaite it and will better understand what you need from him. Good luck!

Dear Wendolyn,

Sorry to say but it sounds like you little guy is growing out of his naps. Asking a three and half year old to stay quiet for 30 minutes is asking a lot. I know you said he is doing it at daycare, I own a daycare and most times children will do things for us that they do not do at home. Mainly because everyone else is resting and they have no choice. Instead of stressing yourself out, why not let him lay on the couch with his blanket and put on an educational video. It is not such a bad habit to start, because you are not expecting him to sleep anymore you are just looking for a little break. Thirty minutes a day of educational tv will not hurt him and it may give you the break you need. As children grow sometimes we need to grow and change with them, you are not giving into no naps you are just accepting him growing and not needing them any longer. As far as your husband, he is probably at a loss on how you are feeling because he is not the one home with two kids all day. I was a stay at home mom and it is not easy taking care of kids all day. Your stress and exhaustion is probably making you more sensitive to your situation. I don't think your son is being defiant he just doesn't want to sleep anymore. Make your life easier and try something new, trust me there is no perfect way. Some days it just what works for that day. Good luck to you with your family.

I would put on a video.. some libraries have free videos you can rent for up to 5 days.. FREE!!! Check out your library.. bring home a few videos. If I found my child crabby and needing a nap.. I would put on something that was kind of boring.. like snow white.. or something like that.. and they would fall asleep.. My son loved Thomas the train... make sure you get a video that will go on for at least 30 minutes... pop it in.. and run up to bed.. tell him he can't bother you until the video is done... and then give him an M&M or something like that as a prize for being good...

Were you able to say "Well I'm not and I need your help" to your husband? Sounds like he is overwhelmed and pulling away is his coping mechanism. Really when I look back, I am surprised my marriage even survived the period when the kids were small. But it did and is better than ever before. The tunnel may be long, but the light is there if you squint hard, so keep the faith and express your need for help clearly and calmly. Men need all the help they can get in understanding the affairs of tired moms.

As to your elder son, can you give him a clock of some kind to keep track of things himself? He is old enough to understand a timer or a very simple clock. And is there a treat he can get for every half-hour he spends quietly in his room until the timer rings? A sticker in a calander, time with you on a puzzle or game, whatever works.