3.5 Year Old Plays Rough

Hi Wendolyn,

I agree with a lot of what Renee said.

A 3.5-year-old ought to be able to understand the idea of "wrestle time / not wrestle time." In other words, my recommendation is to set aside a little time when your baby is napping, when you're wearing something that's already baggy, when you can just roll around on the floor and help him get his energy out. If you really HAVE those times with him, it might be easier for you to say "it's not wrestle time now" under other circumstances.

For other times, what about getting him a big stuffed animal (you know, those ones that are the size of a preschooler) that can be his "wrestle buddy"? Sort of a preschool version of a punching bag.

And ... as I'm sure you know, life will probably get a lot easier in about a week, when the weather warms up. Kids have so much less pent-up energy when they can run around and play outside.

Best of luck,

Mira

I worked in a preschool for a couple of years (shadowing a child for special education services). I had all those kids trained to ask permission before getting on my back...it's amazing how much more comfortable it is if you're not taken by surprise. If he doesn't ask permission, stand up and just peel him off you. You don't have to use any strong language or tone of voice, just stand up and say he needs to ask..be consistent and he'll get the picture.

By the way, any preschool teacher will tell you that the entire month of March is a nightmare...the whole indoor thing gets really old and the kids are all buggy..when it's full-on spring, things may very well change

Good luck

Wendolyn,

HI! My name is A. and I also have a 3.5 year-old son and the same situation with a baby. I agree with what Renee said, we do the same things. We also get him outside running around as much as possible or some kind of activity that gets the energy out.

Good luck!

Sit on him. I know it sounds drastic, but he doesnt really understand how crawling on you can hurt. So when he is sitting on the couch go over and sit on him. Of course not with your full weight but enough to be uncomfortable. When he hollers say "this is fun, arent you having fun?' When he hollers no, get up and explain to him thats how you feel when he jumps all over you and thats how his brother feels. Then ask him if he wants YOU to play the game again. He is old enough to get the message. If he doesnt then you have to give him a consequence and tell him that you showed him how it feels and he still isnt listening.

Perhaps you've been too lenient? Maybe there has been a lack of discipline up to now? Maybe that's why his problem behavior is escalating? Maybe he has never really known that you mean what you say?... because he's always gotten away with everything, and had it his way? If so, he must re-learn that the rules and boundaries you make are to be adhered to. You must follow through with what you say to him, to be effective. When he is a good boy, reward him with lots of praise, hugs, kisses, or little gold sticker stars on his sneakers, etc., but if he shows negative behavior then it's 'Time Out',in a way you feel is appropriate, like sitting in the corner for a minute or two. If you're having trouble controlling him now, what's going to happen when he becomes a teenager? I'm on your side and wish you well...it starts with YOU!

I found that t.v. had a profound impact on my children. We didn't watch much anyway, but I saw such a difference when they did watch that I ended up just turning it off for good (at home). I didn't say no if they were other places where the t.v. was on.

I found my kids to be much calmer and happier without it. Even if the content is fine, the speed of changing images really hypes up the mind.
Just a thought.

You need to stay calm and gather your patience and be consistent in stopping the rough behavior and let your little guy know what you expect him to do instead...
You can't expect him to learn if you don't take time out to correct the bad behavior and replace it with a good one. If you are consistent and give praise when he gets it right, he'll begin to see and understand the difference.

Don't respond to what he is saying to you until you stop him from pulling on you...."Firmly say, "stop pulling on my clothes, Mommy can hear you without you doing that. Put your hands down and tell me again what you want." Repeat until his hands are down.

When he interferes with the babies crawling, Say "NO" firmly and remove him from the situation and sit him down. Tell him, "You are not to do that anymore, you can hurt your brother. You need to play gentle with him." Stay with it until he calms down and corrects himself.

When the NFL comes running in...stop them short as it starts...Firmly say "NO, Stop"...ask them to slow down. If they don't, put them into a sitting position...and tell them again "slow down, I don't want either of you storming around like that." Stay with it until they calm down and then ask them what they want to play...and remind them they have to play nicely...no storming around. Everytime they get out of hand, stop them and make them sit down and tell them again, they have to play nicely.

The change wont happen over night...but he'll learn.