31/2 Year Old Does Not Want to Go to Sleep

Whenever my childen don't want to go to sleep, there is usualy an underlying fear. Either from a dream, an incident that happened that scared them in some way, or something they saw on TV accidentally or something they watched. There are many different things that could cause fear, but I would talk to her as to why and that you can't help her until she tells you. At 3 1/2 it is probably take a lot of probing questions to get her to even know why, but if you take the time you can usually find the root of the problem. Good Luck.

We've been through this and our daughter still takes a long time to go to sleep sometimes. But, think of it this way -- it's not really a problem that she's awake... the problem is that she is fussing, out of bed, or otherwise disruptive. It's impossible to discipline the "falling asleep" part, but you can discipline the other misbehaviors.
We started by making sure we had a rock-solid bedtime routine (we even posted a list). Then we made her bed as special as we could make it (princess sheets). I spent a long time pretending that her bed was the coziest place in the house, that I REALLY wanted to sleep there myself. The idea is that her sheets and her pillows should be seen by her as very valuable commodities.
We let her listen to stories on CD as she goes to sleep now. If she misbehaves (bangs on the wall, gets up), we threaten her with a warning of a loss of stories, or in the very rare case of having already taken her stories and still acting up, in the loss of a pillow or blanket. The trick is following through (giving a final count-down from 5 if you are really at the point of taking something, to give her one more chance to fix the problem), and then actually taking the blanket or whatever the object is if she is not behaving. Of course, we always gave the blanket right back in less than 15 seconds or so, asking "Are you ready to try again?" So that way she always gets another chance and doesn't have to go to sleep while still upset.
So, your daughter is not misbehaving by not sleeping, but she IS misbehaving by fussing, and it is OK to discipline that. Good luck. (Oh, and make sure the room is as dark as you can make it, don't worry about trying to get your kid to bed by a 'pediatrician-specified' time at first, wait until she seems tired until you try out your new routine, and try to wear your kid out at the playground as much as you can because some kids just don't tire as easily as others. Some kids also need a pre-brushing bedtime snack depending on the timing of dinner.)

Also, use counting down from 5 for all of your not-listening needs (make sure you specify what appropriate privilege they will lose for not obeying before you count down -- usually if they don't do something, I threaten to do it for them or take the thing they need to do it)! And I also sing my requests. You wouldn't believe it, but I can ask up and down in a hundred ways for my kids to brush their teeth and they won't seem to hear me, but if I sing "It's time to brush your teeth now" they fly to the sink and pull out their toothbrushes! It's bafflingly effective.

It's hard I know to not know what is internally going on as to why she is behaving like that. When a child is not content with-in then what is affecting not being calm on the inside may be something on the outside? Has there been any changes in the home, time with you and your husband stress she my be picking up on? Does she take naps at her school? If so ask the school how she is sleeping? Maybe if you smile a lot and not show any stressful signs and keep a monotone voice when you really are upset may change her behavior and she may just follow your lead in behavior. I do this when my daughter gets loud and energetically charged up. I get calm and stay at a sweet loving tone and I do a lot of coddleing while talking about her feelings. I ask her what does she really want and when she says to stay up and watch a movie I say that is nice and then I ask her does she want to watch a movie tomorrow? She says yes then I ask her do you want to play with your friends tomorrow at school? She says yes and then I say well if you don't listen to your body when it's saying it needs to rest to do all the things you want to do tomorrow you will miss out on all the things you want to do because you will be sleeping if you don't sleep now then your body will fall asleep then. At the age of your daughter is when I started talking to my daughter about how our bodies talk to us because our body has a mind of it's own. I hope this helps I have one more suggestion and that is Re-Directing Children's Behavior book or course. Look it up it is amazing how much re-directing helps.

At 2 and pretty much throughout our lives we rely on our parents for love and support. She may have comfort, abandonment issues, so perhaps make a game of bedtime...blankets, favorite stuffed animals, a night light, soft music...
Otherwise, you're going to ride this one out until the little one gets comfortable going to sleep on her own.
God Bless

Sometimes it's pure behavior and sometimes it's actually something she is eating. Try removing all dairy and soy from her diet for 2-3 weeks. Also do not give anything with colors, preservatives, and artificial sweeteners. Sometimes we think we are feeding our children healthy only to find out that when we look at the labels we were lied to. Check labels out. Dairy is the number one reason children in "my world" don't sleep. Other then that, stop paying attention and talking to her about her sleep issues. Ignore it and she will get the message that it does not push your buttons anymore and you are going to bed. Apply deep pressure to her as well as part of her bedtime routine and make her jump up and down on the floor 10-20 times before bed. This all releases calming chemicals to the brain.

Oh it's totally a 3year old trying to assert herself! My daughter tries to play me and my husband against each ther all the time! Sometimes she succeeds cuz it's just too tiring to fight it! It will pass. If she doesnt want to go to bed after her routine I would tell my daughter ok well you don't have to go to sleep but you have to stay in bed. I'd give her a book and she could look at it until she fell asleep.(nightlite next to her bed) It worked 99% of the time. The other 1% I'd lay with her for a few min til she was relaxed, tel her how much she is loved and all the fun things we would do the next day when we woke up in the morning after a good nights sleep. then tell her how tired I was and had to go to sleep. It always worked. Good luck!

You cannot make her go to sleep. Say good night and leave the room. Be sure the room temperature is comfortable, she has her lovey, etc. Try a night light and/or soft music. It's Ok if she quietly plays or talks to herself while she's getting sleepy.

sounds like you're trying too hard to convince her that she should go to sleep. When you argue with her you are not only preventing her from getting sleepy but you're giving her the message that you know her body better than she does. she's at an age when she wants to be more independent. You can say to her that she may not be sleepy but it's night time and time to be in bed. You know she'll go to sleep when she's ready.

Sounds like you had a massive power struggle which, as you found, upsets everyone and doesn't get the job done. Just back off and let sleep happen once you've done the bed time routine and made the room comfortable.

Later: Not listening is typical of all children. That is why we make short statements while looking into their eyes. Sounds like you may be having a similar difficulty that I had when I first started parenting. I thought it was my job to explain things so that they would want to do what I'd asked. I started way too early asking for co-operation by explaining. Their minds aren't capable of grasping, let alone understanding, an explanation. Just tell her what you want her to do. At 3, if she doesn't do it, gently lead her into the start of doing it. Make as many things fun to do as possible. Play games with her. Don't expect her to do more than one thing at a time on her own.

Examples: When my grandchildren were that age, we raced to the car. We raced to get our seat belts fastened. We raced to get toys picked up. Counting to 3 or 5 or 10, depending on how long it will take her to do something, helps. Give her choices whenever possible. Do you want to wear this dress or this outfit? What color do you want to wear today?

And a really effective skill to use is patience, once they know that you won't give in. My granddaughter frequently had difficulty changing activities. I would tell her what we were going to do, give her time to put away the toys, or whatever, and then I'd just stand there waiting for her to move. After the first directions and getting the toys put away, don't say anything. Just quietly and patiently stand there looking at her. Most children get uncomfortable, just as do most adults, when someone is waiting for them.

It's also typical for girls to request their Daddy at this age. This is the age during which they are "wired" to search out their Dad. You've probably noticed she's become a bit of a flirt, too, and not only with her Dad.

I think you'll find it helpful to read up on child development. There is good info on the Internet as well as many good books.

Been there. I used to let my daughter sleep with me all the time cause her daddy was on deployments alot. I had to use the Supernanny approach. Plus using rewards for sleeping in room by herself. Also, i had to get strict with the bedtime routine. No more me doing this or that. 7pm is bath time, 7:20 dressed and then snack, 7:45 story and bed. By 8pm she was out and all was good the next morning. It took alot of convincing if she woke up in the middle of the nite and wanted to sleep with me but standing firm works. It took a couple of wks to be perfect and once she started VPK, we have had to move everything up a few minutes since she wasnt sleeping in til 8am anymore.

I also figured out if i sang her lullabye that i made up when she was first born and sang to her as a baby or i went insane makes bedtime sweet adn she falls asleep quickly

When I don't know what to do I check with Yoka Reeder.com- that is my go to source for unsolvable problems. I hope she can help you too.
You have talked to your daughter, and that is what I would have suggested- so that is when I get Yoka.
Here's wishing you some sleep.
best, k

Hi, I’m D. M. from the GoodNites NiteLite Panel. Mamapedia is partnering with GoodNites and your question is definitely relevant to what I talk about with the NiteLite Panel so I wanted to provide my advice. I know you posted this question some time ago so I’m wondering how things are going with your daughter now. I know it can be really stressful when your children refuse to go to bed. If you’re still having problems getting her to go to sleep at a reasonable time, I’d like to suggest creating and sticking to a calming bedtime routine. Doing the same things (like bathing, putting on pajamas, having a snack, brushing teeth, reading a story and cuddling) in the same order every night helps your child calm down before bed. By sticking to a routine, they know what’s coming next and light’s out is no surprise to them. It usually takes a little time for them to get used to the routine, but once they do, you’ll be amazed at how much more smoothly bedtime goes. For more tips of helping your children get to sleep and sleep through the night, visit Goodnites.com which is an excellent source of information on nighttime issues.