3 Yr Old Won't Sit on Toilet

My youngest son was the same way (my other boys were potty trained by the time they were 2). When I spoke to his dr about it, he told me that potty training was for the parents, not the kids and that once the child gets tired of having messy pants, he'll sit on the toilet. Well, my son finally began sitting on the toilet at age 4. I know it's a hassle, but I think the dr was right, and for me, it ended up being less of a hassle to work on my son's schedule than mine.

BTW - my son who I'm referring to saw me write this and told me that he remembers that he was afraid to sit on the toilet because he thought something would come up and grab him - no idea why he thought that, but he did. He never expressed that he was scared at the time. I just thought that was interesting that he remembers.

Potty training is the one thing that your child truly has complete and total control over. There is absolutly no way that you can force him to use the potty, and he knows this. The best advise that I can give you (and have given to many parents of my students) is this... watch for readiness clues from your son. Wait until he shows an interest and pounce. Don't push it otherwise. A child will not potty train until they are ready and if you try to speed the process up you will just frusterate the crud out of yourself. I chose to allow my kids to go naked down there once they showed an interest. It is alot easier to feel the sensation of needing to urinate (especially for boys) if they are letting it all hang out so to speak. My son trained himself when he was 2.5, I never pushed the issue and it never became a power struggle. I had to do some problem solving when he was totally potty trained while naked but would pee if he were wearing training pants. (I found that the pants held him close like a diaper and he didn't feel the urge but when I switched him to loose fitting breifs he would get the same sensation he got while hanging free and our problem was solved). He night trained a couple of years later and will still occasionally have a night time accident but I have never made a big deal of it (he is 6 now). My daughter was even easier (she trained herself a week before she turned 2 and night trained within 6 months of that). The common theme here is to let the child do it at their pace and all will be fine. Most boys don't train till they are 4 anyway. Don't sweat it.

My son was very stubborn too and finally started using the potty when he saw his friends at preschool using it. If your son is not in preschool try having a few friends over and casually let him see them headed for the bathroom at potty time. Peer pressure is powerful at all ages! Hope this helps.

Hi Carolyn! Yes, this is a frustrating issue. I have 2 boys (6-1/2 & 2-1/2) so I've done this twice. There is no good answer and different kids respond to different tactics, but here are a couple ideas that worked for my strong-willed boys. (both my boys were at preschool during this time and that helps A LOT!!!)

1. My oldest was very fearful and wouldn't sit at all. Rewards (stickers, candy, etc...) did not work. Finally I just put him in underwear and followed him around like a puppy for 2 weeks. Not fun! I finally decided to just "let it go" and let him go. It worked!!! I was so caught up in my own fear of him peeing in his pants that I wouldn't allow his body to do the work. Yes, we had accidents, but he didn't stay in yucky clothes for long. 2. My second trained much easier, partly because he has an older brother, and mostly because I was not fearful this time. I decided to stick to a very strict schedule of sitting every 2 hours. No pull-ups at all - only underwear. The most important thing was not asking if he wanted to go, but telling him that it was potty time. The question, "Do you want to go potty?" will always get the same response. NO!!! I didn't ask, we just went to the bathroom together.

Best of luck to you... I know its tough but hopefully it will be over soon!

Carolyn I totally can relate to your issue with your son. I have a 4 yr old son whom was pee pee potty trained last year in July. He won't poop in the toilet and never has yet. Well out of the blue by the fourth quarter of last year he decided he wanted to pee in his pants besides already pooping in his pants. So now our 4 yr old pees and poops in his pants. When at home he sometimes wears underwear and sometimes pull ups. No matter what he is wearing he now pees and poops in his pants. I have discussed this several times with our pediatrician and he said that he will eventually get over it.
My husband and I are of course frustrated with having to clean up his messes and we make him clean them at times also. The laundry accumulates very quickly to say the least. My husband and I have discussed this time and time again and we think our child is just being lazy. They get engrossed in there daily activities and don't want to stop to use the toilet and that is why our son won't go to the bathroom. So now I ask him throughout the day do you have to go potty?
So I know this doesn't help really but just to let you know your not alone in this one. I get very frustrated with the issue and I have heard some others mothers are going thru the same thing with boys. Girls are much more easier to potty train. I have a son and daughter and my son is going on 16 and my daughter just turned 13 and they both were potty trained before 2 yrs of age. Every child is different and I really wish you luck and patience. Like wise I am trying to follow the same advice myself. It is hard but we are strong mothers whom can do it. Keep your head up and it will get better thru time. They grow up so fast anyways, we will be laughing at this as they get older.
Sincerely,
A.

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice. I'm a little in the same boat though. My son, who is 3, is being pretty stubborn about potty training. In fact, he just told me today that he's a baby so he needs to wear diapers. I kinda need him trained by the end of the summer for preschool. If you get some good advice, would you mind forwarding it to me as well?

I hope you get some really good ideas and they work. :-)

Dear Carolyn:
I would not force the issue. Why not wait till summer till it's a bit warmer outside? Let him run around in the backyard and put the potty nearby. It will be much easier if you let him train himself when he shows some interest!
All the best - C.

I want to hear the answer to this one too. I have four children - three are potty-trained - well they would freak out if they heard me say that - they are 13, 9, and 8! But my fourth one (second boy) is having a really tough time wanting to let it go into the potty, I guess. So, I'm very interested in the answers to Carolyn T. My son will be 4 in May - had a pretty rough time as a baby with eye surgery and a couple of other things going on with him - I'm sure we baby him and that's probably the culprit right there, but if anyone has some fabulous insight for me (I coulda had a V-8 kind of advice!) I would love to hear it!
Thanks!
S., SAHM and home-schooling mom of four, ages 13, 9, 8, and 3

Maybe if you make it his idea. I would buy a few things that he really likes, and would want desperately!!! Then, put them up on top of the fridge, or somewhere else where he could see it but not get to it. Then let him know that you want hinm to have this, but it is only for after he goes potty. Maybe a few different toys for different accomplishments like going for the first time, going a whole day without an accident etc. Make it seem like it is no big deal to you, that you would be happy for him to have these things, but they are for kids who are potty trained (maybe even write it with a sharpie on the box for added believability:) But, then let him come to you when he is ready. I hope that something will work for you soon, I am sure you are fed up with this diaper thing!! Good luck ~A.~

Don't fight it. Give him 6 more months to mature. If he starts to see his friends all wearing cool underwear while he's still in a diaper his attiture may change pretty quick. The more you push the more he may just dig his heels in! Good luck!