3 Yr Old Is Afraid to Go to Sleep

Let her sleep with you and the baby or hang out in her room until she falls asleep and then move to your room.

Put on a night light, soft music, read to her. Don't just console her and leave her, she needs company and reassurance of your presence - she doesn't understand by words only that it is "ok"

Are you sure she still needs naps? Some kids are done by her age. All three of my older ones stopped naps - three yrs was the latest (just barely turned three) that they took them. You might want to try putting her to bed at the usual time after she's missed a nap - not earlier - and see if she's just done with them. Quiet time might help during the day...resting on the couch with a movie or something. It needs to be a short movie - maybe 30 minutes or else she probably won't last with quiet time.

They start getting scared at that age. It's normal. Not that it's easy though! It makes sleep so much more complicated. Here's what we do:

- We sit in the room until she falls asleep (her brother is in there too). If I have a baby and am the only one putting them to bed, I rock baby and sit in with her to get them to sleep at the same time.

- When she wakes up, we let her come in our room and sleep in our bed. I was scared as a kid and it seriously lasted for YEARS! I was in my 20's before I wasn't scared of the dark. I still don't like it. I really don't agree with how my parents handled it. I feel good about not making it a big deal with my kids and letting them be in our room if they need to.

- My son (4 yrs) also went through this stage. He's still somewhat in it, but he is fine sleeping in his room, in his bed, with his older sister. But for a while he slept in our bed, then in our room on the floor on a toddler mattress...now in his room. So, they share a bed. It works easy that way and they aren't scared.

- I also have a baby. If my hubby is here, he sits in with almost 3 yr old and the 4 year old until they fall asleep. I put the baby to bed in the other room. But if he's gone, then I do it all in the same room.

I don't know how you put your baby to bed. Can you rock him/her? Or do you lay the baby down and baby goes to sleep? Would seeing you in there mess up baby going to sleep? If so, you might need to move the crib to another room (your room?) if that's the only way that it'll work. But sitting in there until 3 yr old falls asleep will provide comfort. It won't just go away and get better...not from my experience (referring to when I was a child!). My parents kept putting me back in bed and would punish if I got up. It lasted forever that I was scared at night! Good luck.

Poor child, poor mama. This is a situation that will probably take some extra effort and care from you and her dad, while he's still home. Anything and everything you can do to help her catch up on sleep is good, whether that is extra story-time before sleep, spending the night beside her bed (make up a bed on the floor for you or her dad), or allowing her to sleep in your room (make up a bed for her on the floor beside your bed).

It's also important not to insist that everything's okay and there's nothing to fear. A terrified child simply won't believe you, and those assurances, though well-meant, will undercut her faith in you. It's better to simply hold her and say something like, "Yes, sweetheart, you feel really afraid right now. I understand. Can you talk to me about what you are feeling?" Sometimes, just that permission to stand in her own fear is enough to allow her to start exploring its dimensions, and limitations.

Another thought: She has gotten seriously jangled by something, and that something COULD be modern chemicals in her diet or in your home. About 25 years ago I went through such a horrible, sudden, unexpected experience of constant panic and complete inability to sleep that I thought I must be dying. After several unbelievably trying months, I gradually learned, with the help of an exceptional doctor, that I was reacting to chemicals. I had become chemically injured (no longer able to detoxify common chemicals in my body), and the resulting irritation to my nervous system was unbearable.

While I was being tested in large groups of patients to find out what I could no longer tolerate, I met a number of children, toddlers to adolescents. It was fascinating to watch them transform from kids who could sit still and color to maniacs who were screaming, bouncing off walls, or huddling in little balls of misery and terror, all within a couple of minutes of having a drop of some dilute chemical squirted under their tongues. The emotional effects can be profound, in addition to skin and breathing symptoms, stomach aches, etc.

If you are fond of modern cleaning products, including fabric softeners (among the worst offenders), air fresheners, and just about any scented product, try bagging these up and putting them in the garage for a couple of weeks and see if your daughter has an easier time (use baking soda and vinegar and unscented detergent in the meantime). Avoid foods with artificial colors, sweeteners, and preservatives.

If there is an improvement, you might want to test by reintroducing some products. Or you might want to skip the toxins and transform your children's habitat into a non-toxic home (google this term for loads of information).

I sure wish you well, and hope you find a quick solution. Your daughter sounds like she's really suffering.

Has anything changed in her life that has caused her too suddenly be afraid of the dark? Who has she been with? Have you had the "bad touch" talk with her? Not trying to scare you, but you do need to look at all your options. Maybe take a bath with her and check (sorry if that sounds strange, but better safe than sorry).

Maybe she is overtired, maybe she is scared of the dark which can be normal, or maybe something traumatic has happened to her. It's very hard to tell, but I'd keep a close eye and try to take her on car rides when you KNOW she needs a nap (earlier in the day, like 12 or 1pm) and see if she'll go to sleep in the car.

To have her fall asleep in the car and still have the 5 month old I would pack a stroller (that you can maneuver with one hand, like the $15 ones at walmart) in the car. Take her and the 5 month old in the car until the 3 1/2 yr old falls asleep. then go home, take the stroller out and put the 5 month old in it, then pick up the 3 1/2 yr old out of the car seat holding her head (so she doesn't flop around and wake up) and lay her head on your shoulder and push the stroller and carry the 5 month old in. Take the 5 month old out in a safe area and put the 3 1/2 yr old to bed while she's still asleep. It takes some finesse but I can do it when I was watching my friend's baby for a while :)

Good Luck <3