I can't seem to find anyone else in the same situation.... My son is nearly 3 yrs old and has started asking where "his" daddy is. His father and I divorced soon after his first birthday, and even when we were married, his father was never around. Soon after the divorce, when my son was 18 mos old, his father left state and we haven't heard from him since. This really is for the best given the kind of person he is, and really my son wouldn't recognize him if he saw him. But he's noticing that other boys in his class have daddy's so now's he's asking where his is. And if he sees a man on the street, he may say, "that's my dad." I tried to tell him that his dad doesn't live with us but loves him, but he didn't get that. Finally the other night I told him that he had three dads, and I named off his uncles, who he sees very often. So..... does anyone else out there have a completely absent father and how do you explain it to a little one????
I think that you are doing the right thing by explaining that eventhough his really daddy isn't around, that he has lots of guys that love him and want to do things with him.
The best advice i can give is, don't tell him more than he can understand. If he ask a question be honest and tell him the truth but not more than he can handle.
Best of luck to you!
i had an absent father since i was 3 my mom told me the truth but i had a special situation. in your case tell him that "All family's are different some have one mommy some have a mommy and a daddy some even have two mommy's."
I have an 8 yr old. Her father was in her life for the 1st three years and then went MIA. She asked me about him I am honest with her I let her know I have no idea where he is. But I do assure her that in his heart he loves her very much. Just the other day we watch an family video and there was her dad. I could see the disapointmet in her eys, but we both just sat back and enjoyed the video. I told myself I will not make excusses for his behavior. All I do know is that he is missing out on the most beautiful daughter we created in life. She has accepted the fact that her father is MIA. but I continued to show her how much I love her and that I will never leave and hopefully one day her father will realize what he is missing. It a shame some men are just so stupid and don't realize what they have in thier children. God Bless
Hi A.! I'm a mother of six children, ages 4-15! My 4 yr old belongs to my current fiance, but the other five belong to my ex. I left him when the youngest was six months old....their dad waited until they were all out of diapers and in school to take the time out to do anything with them. Now they have their dad and step-dad and they tell my fiance all the time they wish he was their real dad. I don't know that their is a right answer to give you....what I always told mine was that a "father" is the man who is their for you to take care of you, look after you and be their for you, it doesn't have to be by blood. I think they are starting to understand that now. Also, I found a job working from home and it has been amazing!!! If you are interested go to my website at www.workathome-socanu.com this might help if you can be home with your son more if you are working away from home....I know I've seen a big difference in all of my children. Best of luck to you! Steph
I have a little girl. She has no "Dad". I did have a boyfriend that was a BIG part of her life for about a year, but then decided that having a family wasn't worth the trouble. When she askes where this guy is for a while I was just telling her that he had to go. And that's it. My little one will be 3 in May, but she seems to be ok with that answer. For now at least.
A., I have a three year old (almost four) with a completely absent father. When my son did actually ask why he did not have a daddy I simply told him that not every kid has a Dad and not every kid has a Mom, the most important thing is that he has lots of people who love him, and that is all that matters. He gets to spend time with uncles and Grandpa and they can teach him anything from a guys point of view that a dad can.
Dear Single Mother: I'm really sorry to hear that. When my children were 2 & 3, their dad and I divorced. Their dad lived in the same town and didn't see them very much. When they asked why daddy didn't come and see them, I let them know that he loved them, but he worked a lot.
I had a male friend (just friends) help me out a lot with the children, he would go to "Dad" things with them and let them know that he was there for them as a friend. As time went on, they didn't ask about why their dad wasn't around very often as I made sure that there was a male figure for them. I got married again when they were 8 & 9 and the male friend that helped me with my children was my "Bridesmaid" at my wedding. To this day, my children are 21 & 23, they love this friend like an uncle. My husband now of 12 years is a great step dad. They love their dad, but do not respect him or go to him for any kind of advise. They go to my husband or my male friend of many years if they need help from a male figure.
I don't know if this will help, but I sure know that it is hard for you and your 3 year old.
Hi A.
I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. I've been there for the past three years until recently. My daughter's biological father diapeared when he found out I was pregnant and did not see her until she was nine months old. He was in her life until she was three. He dropped her off one Sunday in September and we didn't hear from him until I contacted him about giving up his rights. In the three years that he was not there I always answered my daughter's questions as honestly as I could. One thing I made sure not to do was to bad mouth him in front of her. Trust me I know that can be very challenging at times, but I want her to make her own mind up about him. You can't force him to be in your son's life so you just have be honest with him and with yourself. When your son asks where his daddy is just tell him you don't know. He may not understand right now, but one day he will know that you were honest with him no matter what. That will show him that he can trust you no matter how bad it is. I hope things get easier for you guys. I know one day you will have someone in your life that would love to take care of your son as his own! I hope this helps! God Bless! C.
