3 Year Old Won't Play Nice

Boy, can I relate! My son was horrible when he was 3 and I operated a at home day care. He was the worst kid enrolled!

I also teach preschool and here is what I can tell you. Some kids just don't do well in groups, it is too over stimulating.
It sounds like he can "be nice" if it is just him and another child. Try talking to him about appropriate behavior before you arrive at a place where there will be lots of kids. Then catch him being good and praise the heck out of him! Also try rewards for good behavior.

One thing we use in our classroom is social stories. It is a story we write ourselves about a particular behavior we are working on. Just a few sentences and we either draw simple pictures or get pics or the internet. For example;

Sometimes we go to the park.
There are lots of kids to play with there.
I use good manners at the park,
I have nice hands.
I listen to the rules.

Etc, etc...........Just keep it positive and simple. Then read it to him just before going into that particular situation. These are called social stories and they really help with negative behavior.

Also, don't be afraid about preschool, it will be good for him. And the advice given earlier about having him screened is excellent advice. I would look into that.

Take care!

It sounds like you are really trying hard to find a good way discipline him. While I can understand your focus on that, have you tried positive reinforcement? Make sure you give him a lot of attention and praise when he does something well.

If he trashes his room, he should be responsible for cleaning it up. Once he calms down he needs to be told he has to clean up. You can "help" but he must participate. If he refuses give him two choices: either he puts things back where they belong or he puts them in large trash bags and his toys go away. He can earn each toy back by helping mom around the house, following directions, playing nicely, sharing, etc.

You say you take away a toy from him when he is mean. But what does that mean? Do you tell him he is being mean, or do you tell him specifically what he is doing wrong? If he hit someone, for example, say hands are not for hitting or we don't hit our friends.

Good luck!

Time outs made my son's behavior worse. I recognized what it was he LOVED (drums), bought new real drum sticks and told him if he uses his words/etc he can get SPECIAL DRUM TIME and made a special CD etc.... he didn't hit for 2 weeks. We had a new baby som lately he hasn't been so good, but i believe for him the positive reinforcement has worked vs the negative. just a thought

I would ask your local school district for an early childhood screening - he may qualify for the district's preschool. They would also provide services such as speech, occupational therapy and social work if needed.

Maybe, also, speak with your pediatrician - it doesn't sound like ADD, but maybe they have some ideas/suggestions.