3 Year Old with Hurt Feelings

A.,
Sigh, As a mom I think one of my greatest challenges is when my children have hurt feelings. It breaks my heart for them.

I think one of the best things we can do for out little ones is to hav eour arms ready for them, listen to thier sorrow and affirm to them their value to us. Also, I found that my kids many times look to me to see if what they see as an injustice is right. They are looking at the world and discovering things, then they double check manytimes to see that what they see is correct. Like looking in oyr coffee cup saying coffee and looking at you to nod that they are correct in what they said. So when they come and share a situation that is hurtful as a mom we can encourage them by letting them know they called it correctly.

"It is not very nice the way the children spoke to you. They were no being kind were they? I bet that makes you feel sad and you may even want to cry. That is ok. I willl be here with you. I want you to remember this so that when you are playing with someone that you do not hurt their feelings too. If those little boys do not want you to play with them lets find some others that do want you to paly with them." Remember redirection can work wonders still at this age. I do think its good to help our kids know how to deal with these kinds of situations and to teach them to respect others requests...like the request that you leave me alone. Let your child know that maybe that kid is having a bad/grumpy day and just needs some space today. Its probably about the other kid and not about your son. Also, I found binging a snack to share can help too. I remember bringing snacks that would majically come out about that time that he could share with friends.

If you are standing by the kids when they speak rudely to your child it is ok to say something like " hey, I understand that you may not want John to play with you. You can ask him nicely to leave you alone."

It is not possible for us to protect our kids from all hurt. Really we do not want to do that because how could they grow to healthy adults without learning how to handle these situations. What we can do is love them, hold them and assure them of their value to us. We can teach them how to appropriatly express thier feelings as we talk to them about situations. In theend we help them learn to live in a workd that is not kind or fair.

I will say there have been times that I did not go to a playground or changed the time I went if there was a particular child that was being mean. That in it self helped take care of the situation. Or I would make arrangements with another mom to meet and go to the playgroud so we could be "going with jonny" and that is who my son could play with.

I hope this helps some. I was just telling my husband yesterday about my heart being torn when my 6 yr old cried because she did not understand why her big sister wanted a birthday party without her. My heart was broken for her yet I had to consider the feelings of both of my children. I just had to love on my 6 yr old and plan something for her. I know where you are coming from. It is so hard to see our kids feelings hurt.

A., our 3 year old son is the same way. He is not in preschool, so community playground is one of the few places he gets to play with kids.(I do not have a car ,so we can't go far:))When we just get close to the park and he sees kids there, he runs screaming ''my friends are here'',and most times he's never even met them :).Couple times there were some kids who told him not to play with them . To be honest I just went and talked to them.I always teach our kids and our godkids that when playing there is not reason to leave anybody out and always correct them when they try to(unless 10,8 and 6 year olds play board games or something and we find something else for the 3 year olds....but at the playground....come on they all can do running, climbing, slidng) However , we got couple really rude kids around here with no manners and no respect for audults( who would tell me to go away).When that happens I just explain to our kids that there are children like that who are not nice(ha, seeing them run around 24/7 with no parents in sight.....I wonder why ) and it is not worth playing with somebody like that(till they learn how to be nice).I am sorry that your son cries and his feeling get hurt, but there will always be kids like that around him here and there(who unfortunatly grow up to be a sour and unhappy adults....I know some of those:))

that is one of the hardest life lessons for any one to learn...especially a child. not every one is going to like you, not matter how hard you try. just explain to him, that even though he is trying to be nice, that not every one will want to be his friend. just tell him if it happens again, to try to find some one else to play with. reenforce the golden rule whenever possible and lead by example. also just tell him, that real friends will be nice from the start and those who aren't, are not worth being friends with any ways. i'm sure you'll still have to deal with a few tears here and there, but jsut be there for him and comfort him the best you can.

my daughter follows kids around too. when i see another kid acting like that i call her over and try to point out another group of kids or even just one child to play with it seems to work pretty well good luck! ps i notice its more often the older kids who act like this...

It's good you can help him with this life lesson now than when he's older and won't want your help!

I would ask what's wrong and ask how that made him feel (help him describe it if he needs help, "It looks like that made you sad!") He needs to vent his frustration more than he needs advice on what to do. I would give him a hug and tell him that's not how a friend is supposed to make you feel, so maybe HE doesn't want to play with that boy (give him control in the situation that he can choose not to play too!) "Why not try to find someone that is nicer."

I would be a little careful about how you give advice on what to do only because it could suggest that how he is behaving is wrong in some way- not worthy of friends- or that it's important that EVERYONE like him! If the playmate is not a bully, I'd suggest telling him, "I don't think that boy likes people following him. What do you think would be a good way to play with him?" Hopefully, your son will come up with some suggestions you can compliment him on and then he's solved it himself. If not, you could say "That's one way, or maybe you can try to... "

Good luck! I've been there with a son who wasn't the most socially appropriate at times and still has a lot to learn at 11! Life lessons never end!

A., I feel so sorry for you little one. Unfortunately kids are mean and can hurt others' feelings. I have that happen to my little girl sometimes and it is by her cousin believe it or not. When it happens on the playground there is really nothing you can do because you can't change the other kids. What I do is just take him and play with him myself and try to get his mind off of it. I don't know what eles to do. Maybe you can walk over to another kid closest to his age and start talking to the child yourself and say "can he play with you?" or "would you like someone to play with?" and then play with the both of them for a few minutes until they hit is off and go off together and play.
Give him my huggs and tell him I am sorry. That breaks my heart when that happens to a little one also. You sound like a very loving and sweet person who is raising a wonderful kid. Keep up the good work.

My heart goes out to you and your son. It can be just as hard on us as it is on our kids when the get rejected. You could bring some community toys to the park like a ball and bat or pail and shovels to encorage group play. My son always wanted to play with the other kids who pretty much ignored him (he was too young to notice). The days I remembered to bring sand toys all the kids wanted to play. Good luck!

My grandson is EXACTLY the same way. He is five now, and has gotten better about not being crushed by the rejection of other children - but what his mom would do when it first started happening (around the same age as your son), is tell him to look for someone else who seems lonely and try and play with them. Or look for someone his own age (it usually happened with older kids). It was hard for awhile but he did eventually develop coping skills - that's what it's all about, really. We can't fight their every battle for them but we can help them develop the tools to fight on their own. I think it's good that you are sympathizing with him (I've heard of other moms just tell their kids to quit whining, or whatever) Just try to reassure him that it is not personal - it's not that the kids don't like him, they just want to play with their own friends or not be interrupted, or whatever. My grandson now does great on a playground, if someone rejects him he just goes to find someone else! Good luck

It hurts my heart to know what you two are going through! I've got one idea for you. The next time it happens, tell your son,'Oh, good! Because I wanted to play with you right now!' Push him on a swing, spin him on the round-a-bout, or play tag. The other kids may want to join you if you look like you're having a really great time! God bless!

my 3 year old is the exact same way. Everybody is his friend. When other kids aren't nice to him and say they don't want to play with him, "I ask him why do you want to play with someone that doesn't want to play with you? There are plenty of kids out there who would love to play with you. Not everyone is your friend. I also tell him he deserves better. He is a good boy and he deserves friends that are nice to him". He usually agrees and goes on his merry way.
I have noticed that kids are very clicky at the playgrounds near us. They will only play with children in their playgroup. Making a play date for your child may help. If your child plays well with one child in paticular, see if the mom of the other child may want to meet and play one day at the park.
good luck.