3 Year Old Refuses to Go Upstairs ONLY During the Day

How interesting. I do agree with you though, you probably understand best as you are there and I am not. My approach has always been (with my own children that is) to try to use their little game to their disadvantage. Such as if he doesn't go upstairs to bring what I ask him to than I wouldn't do what he asked me either, such as bake a cake he likes or allowing an extra treat when shopping. Sometimes when they go into a tantrum I suggest I want to help them with their tantrum, may I have a tantrum too? It has worked for us so far. I do not tend to ignore though, I tend to acknowledge what I see. Is this any help?

Being afraid of the upstairs/downstairs is more common than you may think. Kids are afraid of being alone for a multitude of reasons, and often not he same ones day after day.

My youngest would not go downstairs alone for forever, like years. So we just stopped asking her. It was easier than the fights and the tears. Then one day, she was 10 (yes, 10) and I called out to her, she didn’t respond, I called louder and she didn’t respond. I went looking and found her in the basement, on the floor with her Lego (iPod in her ears). I asked her what she was doing and she looked at me like I was crazy and said “umm...playing with my Lego…” I just walked away. It never was an issue again. She never told me what changed and I never asked.

If there is no real danger to him not going upstairs alone, they why force the issue? Is it a power struggle? Maybe. It is fear? Maybe. Either way, address what needs to be addressed and then move on. As a parent we must trust our gut. Our instincts are rarely wrong. If more parents trusted their instincts our children would be better off.

B.
Family Success Coach

Is the 2nd floor a "new" experience for him (previous apartment/ranch house maybe)?
It might seem "far away" as Laurie A. suggested. I think the whole "scared" thing kicks in around 3, and irrational fears are quite common. I remember my son not wanting to go to the basement alone for a certain period of time...so I would go with him or get it myself.
I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. I'd ignore it and accommodate him. It will pass eventually.

PS LOVE the suggestion about the walkie talkies!

This happened with my son when he was almost 3 and we moved from a one floor apartment to a 3 floor house. He didn't want to take a nap during the day because when he woke up I was not upstairs. He was fine sleeping at night because we were all upstairs and in the morning he came into our bedroom and we were there. When you ask him why, he might not be able to explain it to you - he might not understand it himself or he might not have the words to express it. It took my son a VERY long time to get used to being alone on one floor while I was on another. My suggestion is just a lot of patience and understanding while he works through this. A move is harder on a child then you think and his uneasiness with it will manifest itself in various ways.

I do not think it is manipulation, I think it really does spook him..
It the loss of proximity to you that he feels.. Remember he is on a total different level than you..

Get on your knees and go up those stairs and look around.. You may be able to figure a way to make it not seem so far away ans spooky,, Look for shadows, look for furniture that looks intimidating..

Do you have some walkie talkies? I bet that would help him feel ok going up stairs by himself.. Also a flash light, yes, even for during the day..

We live in a very small home. 2 bdr. 2 bath. When we house sit for and the houses are different levels or lots of square feet, even we get a little spooked not being able to hear the typical sounds of each other.. FYI , Our daughter is 20 and she and I scared each other a couple of times in one house.. So much carpet.. could not hear any sounds from room to room.. Our house is creaky with wooden floors. We hear everything..

At that age, my son absolutely had to be with me where ever I was in the house or yard. He wasn't scared, he just had to know where I was and have me in sight and was kind of a separation anxiety. It made it a little awkward to use the bathroom for awhile (at least I could get him to sit on the floor just outside the door as long as I didn't take too long). It got better over time. At first it would be ok if I was in the next room. Then it would be ok if I was on the same floor. Eventually he out grew it. It's not a manipulation. He's probably not even sure why he does it. Just love him, hug him and tell him you'll always love the baby he was, the child he is and the fine young man he's going to be.

so quit getting upset. whether it's a real fear or a power play, your calm sensible response will either calm his fears or take away the fun. either way, it's a win/win.
khairete
S.

I'd cut him some slack. He may really be afraid to go upstairs by himself. New house, etc. My younger son is 8 and he still doesn't like to go upstairs by himself at night if the rest of us are downstairs. Try to figure out how to make him more comfortable/confident about the situation.

i say ignore it. if it is manipulation he may get bored with trying and get over it.
if it is cause he is spooked then not making it an issue or pushing him will take away some of the anxiety for him.
that may be the first step.