3 Year Old Having a Hard Time Adjusting to New Baby Sister

I have two developmentally delayed children, but they did not go through that challenge. I have an idea, but first I wanted to bring to your attention The One World Center for Autism, which is a non-profit organization located in Prince George’s County that addresses the challenges that face children, adolescents, and adults living with autism in our community. Contact the One World Membership Line at ###-###-####. Someone there might be able to help with service providers, support, and mentors. Also, contact The Arc of Prince George's County. There are often workshops on related topics, and they might have the name and number of either a specialist or parent in the area that can help. http://www.thearcofpgc.org/ Meanwhile, I would try reading books to her from the library about getting a sibling. I'd also try art therapy, so that when baby cries, I'd put on music or let her use fingerpaint or whatever de-stresses her. I'd also try singing to both of them while cuddling them, if your 3-year-old will let you. If she is in total meltdown mode, you must stay calm and maybe try to get her into a safe space where she can self-soothe, if possible. Adding "Sweetie, Mommy and Daddy cannot help you if you are behaving this way. Stay here until you can calm down and be with the family." Your daughter might be too young to fully understand that, now, but given time, that approach has helped a friend whose daughter has autism. Her daughter is now 10 years old and knows that she needs to go to her room when she is about to go into a total meltdown. If art therapy does not work, then try other positive reinforcement techniques like sticker charts. If she can stay calm, she gets a star. Make the chart big enough and put in a place that is in her view on a regular basis. Set standard and have your husband brought into the plan. When she has x stars, she gets a treat. If she can manage that, then gradually add time and stars before getting another treat. This approach will take a month or so. Gradually increase her physical contact with her baby sister. If she can stay calm, a star. If she can stay calm and play peek a boo. Another star. If she can read to her. Another star. Do not force it, yet. Try a positive reinforcement approach first. Let the treat be whatever she responds to. Many parents have tried candy, for us, the $1 store was very helpful, it could be more art time... you get the point? Hopefully this will give you some time until you can get a treatment plan through your pediatrician and special needs team.

First off congradulations. It's only been two weeks so therefore you have to allow her time for adjustment. I don't know how much help you have, but I know that it can be stressful to have a newborn trying to feel them out and everyhting. So just try to hang in there and if there is a free moment,which I know is rare (I have 3) do some special activities w/ her but slide a conversation about the baby in there. Good Luck and I know you are'nt originally from here but if you need someone to talk to feel free to get in touch through Mama source or call me on ###-###-####.

We just went through a similar experience with our son when our new baby arrived. We have 21 month old and 6 week old boys. When the new baby arrived we too went through a really rough couple of weeks with our older son. He would not like it if Mommy was caring the baby and kept trying to hit the baby when the opportunity presented itself. Fast forward a few weeks and his behavior has changed. He now wants to hug the baby and is much sweeter. Not all the time mind you but the change feels drastic.

Just remember that the new baby is an adjustment for the whole family especially the older child who may not be able to communicate all their feelings. Make sure you take time to spend with your older child - just the two of you. Also try and incorporate the older child into whatever you are doing with the baby. Make it seem like you and she are a team taking care of the baby and praise her for being such a good helper.

Dont worry just when you think it can't get any worse it will get better. That seemed to happen with us. I think once the older child realizes the baby isnt going away they acclimate.

Good luck!

Adjusting to a new sibling is always difficult. Sounds like your daughter might be over sensitive to noises. If this is true then her new sister might just make it really difficult for her to tolerate being around due to noises. Has your 3 year old received services before?? If not she might qualify for a Child Find preschool to address delay concerns. I am a pediatric occupational therapist, so if you have any specific questions about sensory issues or autism let me know. We are also military. When we lived in Oregon I worked at a big hospital where I was on the Autism Clinic where we diagnosed children with DD, Autism, PDD or whatever the problems were. I work a lot with kids on the spectrum and those with just sensory processing concerns. Some kids have such huge sensory issues that they look autistic, but might not be. There are some sensory treatments that might fit your daughter if you do believe her problems are due to noise. My son still holds his hands over his ears or leaves the room if his sister cries too loud and she is now 2 1/2! Again feel free to contact me!!