We moved our 3 year old son into a bed about 2 1/2 months ago (he was clearly ready and had been acting out in his crib and at bedtime for quite some time when we realized he was ready for the move). At first, he did very well. Pretty soon, however, he started to get up in the middle of the night and come into our room. In our overtired stupor, we'd bring him into bed with us. He'd sleep, but we wouldn't - kicks in the head and other areas. He's never slept in bed with us - even as an infant he'd rarely come to bed and when he did, he's rarely sleep. All of the online advice I've read says to just walk him back to his room without any conversation and just leave. Problem is, he completely freaks out - screaming at the top of his lungs "I WANNA COME IN YOUR BED!!!", flailing, dropping to the floor, refusing to stay in his room. We've decided no matter what, he can't come in our bed anymore, so we've had to lay down with him for him to finally settle down. He does settle, but still - we haven't slept in months and it's driving us crazy. He doesn't complain of needing to go to the bathroom, being thirsty, having a nightmare...anything other than wanting to get into our bed. He still naps, but I've been waking him after 1 1/2 or 2 hours...he needs it especially since he's sleeping so poorly. We're thinking about gating his room - something I never agreed with, but I see no other choice. Thanks!
Hi L. .. I'm going through the same issue! Although my problem is, Daddy falls asleep on the couch and little cutie pie crawls into bed with me and he doesn't wake me up but does all the kicking and flailing around at like 4:30/5 ish and that is too early so I am so tired!
We have a similar problem w/ our 3yo when his big brother moved out and into his own room. He goes through phases of sleeping through the night and coming into our bed. He gets a piece of gum in the morning if he stays in his own bed. Sometimes this motivates sometimes it doesn'tTalking about it at bedtime helps. He almost always comes in if we forget to reinforce it! Sometimes I put him back in his own bed after "10Mins" if I don't fall alseep myself!
good luck. this too shall pass! (then something else will come along!):)
Good for you for sticking with it. It is hard. You might try a positive motivation reward system. We had trouble with the transition of our son to a toddler bed when he was almost 3. We created a chart and he got a star on the chart for every time he stayed in bed (nap or night time) without getting out until morning/end of nap. Five stars in a row and he got to pick out a dollar store toy from a basket. It didn't work every time, but it gave us something positive to focus on, and some external motivation for him, instead of negative punishments. When the chart was full, we stopped doing it. He still stays in bed at night though. We never had any success with the "walk them back without engaging" tactic either.
GATE HIS ROOM. It's for his safety, too. What if he decides to wander around the house instead of going into your room one night? Also, let him have a tantrum at the gate and do the cry it out method like you would an infant. If a baby can soothe himself back to sleep, so can a three year old. It may take another sleepless couple weeks, but it will be worth it in the end. Allow him to cry, he'll realize soon enough it isn't working. (Question: Is the baby girl in your room? Maybe there is some jealousy if she is there?)
We went through the same thing. Didn't do the gate because our daughter would have lost her mind. At first, we transitioned to letting her sleep on our floor in a sleeping bag. That at least got us some sleep. Then I got pregnant and knew that I needed her to be in her room. We used the chart system and it actually worked! I was shocked. She still comes into our room once in a while, but generally goes back to bed without a problem. In an extreme case, I still pull out the sleeping bag ;-)
OH Dear, if you were to gate his room you would likely have very loud screeching instead of fussing and crying. Feeling imprisoned, trapped. My gut says that would not be a good idea.
Do take him back to his room, without being in bed with you...and yes, without talking.
Actually, at first I would say something like, you need to go back to your room and sleep in your bed. Then talk no more.
Have a chair in his room, sit in it without talking , returning him to his bed if he climbs out again. Do this as many times as it takes. The first few mights it may take as much as an hour or more. Maybe even two hours.
This may take a few nights, perhaps a week if he is very strong willed.
It is important that you stay calm. He will pick up on any nervous tension you are feeling.
If you persevere, if you are consistent, he will get it eventually.
If he were mine, I might suggest a night light , tell him it will help him stay in his bed, take him to the store and let him help pick one out. Very dim one , I should think.
Or if you are financially able, even bedding. Special sheets and comforter or blanket. It will help him to "own" his bed.
Perhaps he was not quite ready for a bed. Some are not until they are three. But you would need to ask someone a lot wiser than I if putting the crib back up is a good idea. My instincts say no, not after two or three months.
In the daytime talk with him. Explain that everyone has their own bed to sleep in. Now that he is a big boy and a big brother it is time for him to sleep in his own bed too.
A tincture of time and patience is needed in this situation.
Remember L., you are the parent, the authority. It is important that you assume that position early on in their lives.
Best wishes dear, and God bless
Grandmother Lowell
I have to tell you, it's a phase. I just went through it with my 4 year old girl. She had always slept in her bed through the night since she was about 7 months old. She actually preferred her bed. All of a sudden, she wanted nothing to do with her room. She would totally freak out. I'd try sleeping with her then sneaking out, if I moved an inch she would wake right up and cry again. Most of the time she was happiest sleeping on the floor in my room with her comforter. Well, she has finally started sleeping in her bed again. All I can say is that it's a phase. It lasted a few months for me. I hope not as long with you. Good luck
Maybe since he's gotten in the habit of sleeping in your room and your bed you need to transition him back out of your bed. My oldest was like this. At this age it's mostly a control thing. He's seeing what he can get away with. Tell him he has his own bed in his own room to sleep and yours just isn't big enough for the three of you. Maybe one night before he goes to sleep for the night you can go in there and try to figure out if there's something that might be scaring him. Are their scary shadows that he doesn't know what they are? Give him a flashlight and tell him if he sees something that scares him to turn the flashlight on it. Be firm and insist that he must sleep in his own bed and he's not allowed out of his room until it's light out. Good luck.
M.
Put a gate up but make sure its one of the taller ones so that he doesn't just climb over it. We have a wonderful one it is a summer extra tall walk through gate. We found it at babiesrus we have one at the tope of the stairs but we will get another one when we transition our little guy into a big boy bed. Make sure that everything in his room is secure maybe put a night light on and keep some books in his room so that if he wakes he can flip through some books and see that everything in his room is okay. At my house before bed we "spray" for monsters it seems to help although w/ my very noisy neighbors my oldest sometimes insists he hears monsters.
