3 Year Old Dealing with Mulitple Transitions

My daughter just turned 3 and she also has a VERY hard time with transitions. She absolutely loses it whenever any little thing changes - if she normally eats Cheerios for breakfast, but we make pancakes one morning, she melts down. So you can imagine how fun it was when she went from one preschool class into the next level up. Nightmare!

My daughter sounds a lot like your son, in that she also stops talking and starts making angry little noises when she is stressed out. I have to remind her all the time, "You have to use WORDS. I can't understand what (growling noise) means!" Or sometimes I will make the angry little noise back at her, but be even more exaggerated with it. Sometimes that will make her laugh, and then she'll say, "I want milk with my lunch and not water, mama!" When she does use words to tell me what she wants, tell her, "Thanks! Now I understand exactly what you need!"

One thing a friend suggested to me is Happy Thoughts. Whenever we're driving in the car or maybe right before naptime or whenever there is a quiet moment, I will ask, "What are your Happy Thoughts today?" Not only is it really cute to hear what made them happy, but it helps remind them of the positive things. I think when you're a little kid, life seems so out of your control, and it helps them to remember that fun and happy stuff happens all the time too. (As a side note, it really makes ME count my blessings multiple times a day as well. =)

My therapist recommended reading the book "The Magic Years" to understand developmental stages at this age. My daughter will be 3 in July and is going through this too. She is an only child and has always been very independent until very recently. I have started reading this book and it has already given me some insight. Apparently they go through a HUGE developmental stage at this age. Being calm, cool and consistent really helps. Try to validate his feeling but remind him that that type of behavior is unacceptable and he needs to use his words. Keep it short and sweet. Also make sure he is getting enough quality sleep as a tired child is a unhappy child.
Sincerely,
L.

hi sw,

he could probably use as much security as possible and cozy cuddle time. make sure the colors and bedspread are soothing for him, blue is good to soothe, green too, and spend time holding and being quiet. also time to wrestle in a safe way, we call it "special time" where he can ask for rough housing, will help him release some of the anger and frustration at things he cannot control.

good luck!

A. m

Hi - I can relate. I am a working Mom and my new baby arrived one week before my older child's 3 year birthday. My youngest is now 9 months old. We moved into a new house, placed my oldest in a new school, and brought home a baby brother all in a short period of time. My oldest had some adjustment issues with all of the changes. As I am in sales, I never took a maternity leave and only took vacation time and had a client meeting from my hospital bed, believe it or not. My husband took paternity leave and I worked from home for 8 weeks after the baby and then went back into the office. Because I had a C-Section I couldn't even pick my older son up. I called Kaiser and the child psychologist suggested some Mommy time. We talked with Nicholas about all the changes and he would then say, I need "Mommy time" and this was my cue and I would go hang out with him for an hour or so and Dad would watch the baby. I also stopped breast feeding early as this allowed me to spend more time with Nicholas. I also worked very closely with his teachers at school. On Friday's if he had a good week, I would take Nicholas out to dinner and Dad would watch the baby. Although my husband and I are both super busy, this quality time with Mom seemed to help a lot and giving him a way to express his need for it also helped. We are still working on the adjustments, but thought this might help.

Best of luck!

B.

Read "hold on to your kids" an excellent book on parental attachment and behaviours caused by lack thereof.
P.

could the preschool wait a little longer before moving him up? You should talk to the school and let them know what is going on. They might work with you. That would be one less thing he has to deal with.