3 Year Old Daughter That Won't Go to Other Adults

She's learned that she can get a rise out of people if she screams for long enough. She's also probably learned that she gets to go with Mom or Dad if she screams for long enough. At this point whoever is watching needs to be firm and tell her to stop it. Then give her something else to do. Something she enjoys. Watch her favorite movie, play with PlayDoh, something like that.

That's hard, but she will grow out of it. By the time she's four you will probably be able to leave her. There was a big difference in my daughter's confidence and comfort level between 3 and 4.

That does sound a little unusual/extreme. If I were you I'd talk to your pediatrician about your concerns or contact early childhood intervention for an evaluation.

Sounds just like my daughter, terribly introverted and very sensitive. She completely, magically outgrew it the moment she turned four.

My older one was crazy hyper and that too calmed down as soon as she turned four. Especially if she's 3.5, that has been the hardest age for them and for us, as well as most people I know, and it's proven that the latter six months of any age are the most difficult developmentally.

I say hang in there! My kid who wouldn't let me leave her anywhere AT ALL let me leave her at preschool (same classroom and classmates since she was 2, loved all the teachers) and started wanting playdates (and doing them just fine) at 4 years old.

Its a phase.
Or has she always been this way?

All I know is, developmentally, all kids/babies go through 'separation anxiety' and it is manifested differently, per age.
Even Kindergarten kids have a hard time separating from the Mom at times. For example.

Maybe, your daughter will benefit from going to Preschool? Just part time, half days. Unless she already does that.
Teachers, are used to this.
And it would help her socially as well and developmentally.

I have 2 kids, and each kid has their own personality and cues.
And at different age stages, a child can become more attached or "clingy" with the Mom. My son, was like that. He was VERY close to me and attached. At certain ages, he became more "clingy." But it was a phase. I knew that. But so, at 4 years old, he began Preschool. He was ready then and adapted just fine. It was a maturity on his part and my knowing him and his readiness etc.

Regardless, a child has to be with someone else, because Mommy has to go somewhere or do things. So, you need to do that.
Even if she screams.

Now: WHAT do the other family members do with her, when she is screaming???? How do they... handle her????
This, also matters.
She needs to feel comfortable with them... and they need to feel they like her despite her emotionality. Having FUN things, or incentives or people being nurturing... can help. And also, talking WITH her, beforehand can help too. So that, she knows what is going to... happen. Some kids, NEED to be forewarned. So that they can get it settled in their head and so "abrupt" changes are not, sudden.

2 years old is hard.
3 years old is harder.
4 years old is also hard.
Because, the "emotions" of a child at these ages, are not even fully developed yet, nor their communication skills, nor are they fully aware of their own feelings or why and they cannot communicate it. But you can teach her... how. ie: when my son was only 3 years old, he could tell me... if he was "grumpy" or "frustrated" or just irritated.
And then per "coping skills".... a parent has to help teach the child that. Children cannot instantly "cope" with things. It is taught. ie: if my son is grumpy, he will go to another room and be by himself. That is HIS way. And he will tell me. And it works, for him and us.

The book "Your Three Year Old," or "Your Four Year Old," or "Your Five Year Old" is a GOOD series. It is simple to read and not a thick book. But it simply explains what a child at this age is like. Although written years ago... it is very pertinent still. Amazon has these books. I have it too. I like it.

Sure, you can do punishments or scold her etc. But along with that... a child needs to be taught, HOW to say her feelings, to know they can say it, and then teach her coping-skills for times when they are feeling frustrated. Kids often get frustrated. So we need to teach them how to... manage... their emotions. Otherwise, they grow up not knowing how nor can they express it, and then they get all pent up and just have hissy fits. Because they do not know how... to say their wants or emotions.

Its hard, but this is a hard age.

First, people need to stop being afraid of her screaming and crying. She's doing it because she has an audience and because it gets her what she wants.

Having you leave for only ten minutes at a time doesn't give her any sort of message at all, and it's not enough time for her to even begin to go through the process required to try to separate and adjust. She needs several hours at a time away from you. And when she screams at Grandma's then Grandma needs to just make sure she's in a safe place to scream and then walk away from her. If she's constantly soothed upon being left, during your absence, and upon your return, that's reinforcing that it's terrible for you to leave her.

Two of my daughters had seriously bad separation anxiety. My autistic daughter in particular had ridiculously horribly bad separation anxiety. The turning points for them were when they realized that we felt secure leaving them and we weren't going to tolerate screaming that attempted to change our behavior.