I Need Help with My 3 Yr Old

How long before you took her out? It could take about a month or even longer for her to get used to the idea. I would start slow, but stay consistent. Maybe 2 or 3 half days a week to start?

Your beautiful child learned a very valuable lesson (for her)...That is "If I scream, I can get what I want, and won't have to do what I don't want to do simply by screaming!...

If you want that behavior to change, you'll have to change...It is not easy, but here's something to keep in mind; this is only school-as she get's older she will not only scream, but show disrespect and disregard about much more than school, because she can...We have to take that control very early, otherwise those pre-teen and teenage years will fast approach and the "attitude" will have only gotten worse...Imagine that??? I am happy that you reached out and that we have this forum to do so...Good Luck...

Oh I feel for you!! I have a 5yr old who is the same way. She has always been like that and it is getting some what worse. She was awfull in pre-k but we stuck with it for the two yrs. I was so afraid of her going to kindergarten because I did not know how she would act. Luckly she goes with out a problem yet when I am there to help in class she wont leave my side. If I get her to participate in class activities she has her eyes on me to make sure I did not leave. There are nights I barely can leave for work beacuse she doesn't want me to leave and she is home with her father and older sister. It can be real stressfull! I called her doctors office and the nurse thought I was over loading her with new things because she does gymnastics and religion all though she has done gymnastics for a yr now. I told her I would like to consault with the doctor because she has dropped out of gymnastics on her own and wont go to religion either. Hopefully he can give me some ideas and I will let you know what he has to say. We go Tuesday.

Stay strong M..

I would try setting a timer and telling her until it rings she needs to play while you complete your task...each day add a few minutes...
Can you leave her with a trusted friend for a short time 20 - 30 min. without her acting out? I'd do that possibily wk'ly to build up her trust "promising to come back when the clock says..." and then build on that.
Maybe using the clock as a visual reminder of your approching return will help... About me: I'm the mother of 3 and grandma of 3. I'm also a LPN with pediatric experience..who learned as much as a mom as I did as a nurse.

you should start small if she's that bad with the separation anxiety. bring her to a friend or family member's house, tell her you have to leave for a little bit, and maybe 1/2 hr-1hr come back. or if the daycare is cooperative, put her back in, start by staying with her, and when she starts to get distracted, just move further and further towards the door, until you can just stand outside and watch (where she can't see you if that's possible). see, with my daughter (now 19 months) she still has a bit of anxiety problem NO ONE is allowed to leave her (even if there's others around from time to time), but if she were to leave us (whether walking out of the room, or someone taking her out of the room) she could care less about the people she's leaving behind (including me..and she used to not let me take a shower with the curtain closed because she couldn't see my face). sometimes you just have to switch up routine, and try to do something along the reverse psychology lines...like saying, but i'm not leaving you...you're going to play with your friends, i'll be right here when you're done (even though you're leaving, but you WILL be right there at the end of the day when she's done). i hope one of the suggestions help, if not mine, another moms'...i understand what a pain it is for them to be so clingy!

Hi, S.!

What I've written here is more in response to another response you received about your daughter using her screaming, etc., as a communication tool; that mom is right. However, I feel that it's always better to assume the *best* intentions rather than the worst. Give your daughter credit for communicating to you in the best way she knows how *at this point in her life*. And, help her find better tools! ;-)

Here's part of a message I posted to another mom. I hope you find it helpful!!

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A child that young is working with a very, very limited set of tools for self-expression. I don't know what else is going on in his life, but generally when a child screams and slaps, these are tools that he's using to communicate a need he's having. What he needs is better tools! ;-) ... Think of his screaming and slapping as him saying, "My God! Why aren't you listening to me?!!?"

I think it's important to be aware that his "tools" have actually been working, and he may have come to resort to them first now rather than last because they work so efficiently. He's getting your attention, right? So, you don't want to reinforce his use of screaming and slapping. But, be careful not to use those tools, too! You don't want to model screaming and slapping as effective methods of communication! Instead, look for the root causes.

First, try to see things from his perspective. What does his world look like to him? (Even get down to his eye level and see what he's seeing; he will feel so honored!!) Are you taking him out too much? Is he hungry? Is he tired? Is he over-stimulated?

I would grab a copy of "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk," by Faber and Mazlish (I think). It's an inexpensive enough book that I would recommend you buying it so you can refer to it often. While I don't agree with everything in the book, understanding some of the principles in the book will help you and him gain better tools for communication. It is *sooooo* worth it!!

Another great resource is Marshall Rosenberg's book, "Nonviolent Communication." While his ideas for communication can seem a little stiff and phony at first, once you're able to incorporate his principles into your real-life way of speaking, you will be able to model really effective communications skills that a child will be able to use for his whole life!

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I hope that's helpful, S.!

As far as your daughter's attachment to you now, it sounds to me like she's concerned about going back there. She needs healing from that experience, and you're the balm. Be the balm (that sounds funny!!). Let her find her comfort in your presence. The more you don't push her away, the more independence she'll be able to gain in her own time when she's ready. She needs your patience and understanding right now. That's the greatest gift you can give her.

I know it's hard, but you, an experienced 26-year-old, have far more coping resources than she does. So, the best that you can, take care of yourself while you take care of her. If some things aren't getting done, let 'em go! They'll wait for you. In the meanwhile, pretend your daughter has the flu or something like that and be there for her. You won't be sorry!