3 Boys... Would You Add a Fourth Child?

Have a child because you want a 4th, not because of how you "think" they will all grow up or bond or not having play-mate.
You cannot predict that, nor the gender of a child.
And, if you are concerned the Youngest child will NOT have a play-mate/sibling to play with... then where does that end? Because there will ALWAYS be a "youngest child" in the family.
So do you keep having another baby so the youngest is not the youngest anymore and so that he/she will not be "alone?"

Me and my sister are only 2 years apart.. that did NOT make it us being best friends, or closer, nor easier. On the other hand, my own kids are 4 years apart and they are VERY close and VERY bonded to each other.

It all varies by personality, how close or not, the siblings are... and if they will get along.

All the best,
Susan

There's definitely something to be said against 3rd wheel syndrome. I think even numbers of kids are better-- I had three, and felt like my oldest was always left out somehow-- but that's not necessarily a good enough reason to have another kid.

Hi M.. You can't know how the sibling relationships are going to develop. You can't know that #3 and #4 would be the best of friends, and you can't know that #1 and #2 will be.
One of my sisters has 3 boys. The first 2 were 20 months apart, then #2 and #3 were 22 months apart. Before #3 arrived, #1 and #2 were extremely close. When #3 came, #1 (age 3 1/2) was only interested in the new baby and not so much in #2. Once they got past the baby stage, this is how it played out. #2 and #3 were best friends. All through childhood, the teen years, college life and now as 24 and 26 year old men. #1 was the odd man out while they were growing up. I would only have a fourth child if you want four kids - you can't dictate what the sibling relationships will be, that is something which is not within your control.

I don't know why, but when we added our 4th, it was actually easier than having just 3. Our children were 7,5 and 3 when she was born and then 5 years later SURPRISE we added Joshua. My kids are now, 24, 23, 21, 17 and 12 and yes there are times I would've loved to have another one to be with our 12 year old, but that didn't happen. I understand the 3rd wheel feeling you're talking about. Our 12yo is mature for his age in many ways, immature in others (some of that attributable to his Aspergers Syndrome) but he is close to his siblings & they adore him (most of the time). I wish our sons could've been closer in age, they are the 23 and 12 yo, but it's not been a terrible problem.

I love big families, and wish we could've had more. But kids pair up no matter how many you have and as long as it's not a constant pairing and the 3 of them feel close to one another then I wouldn't worry so much.

Only you & your hubby can decide this and I wish you all the best.

Because I grew up as the oldest of three and ofen felt like a third wheel, I decided I wanted four children--though I ended up having six, all boys. The first question would be if you would be satisfied having a fourth boy. In terms of sibling relationships, especially with boys, I've found that more is actually easier. You may also find that your first and third will be close, and your second and fourth may be closer. My third and fourth didn't get along much until they became adults. Basically, I would say that four children is no more difficult than three and if you're open to a larger family, go for it!

I always knew I wanted three children. I had this really strong maternal urge after the first two were born and just knew I needed another. We decided to try for a third and had twins. Surprise! After they were born, it was like a switch flipped and that maternal "need" for another child was gone. So, do you feel a maternal urge or need for another child or not so much? I didn't want to regret not following my gut feeling somewhere down the road......

I wouldn't worry too much about the age difference. Ours are spread out more so than yours and they still manage to somehow play well (at times!) and get along. I also hold on to the fact that one day they will be friends despite age difference.

Best of luck!

Okay I have two girls that are 15 months apart and while I am not a seasoned mom yet, I still have some experience. I am pregnant with my third child and this one is a boy. We made a decision to let this be our last child for many reasons. I am not worried about him not having anyone to play with because I know that if he wants male company he can look to his dad. And I know my girls who are very loving little girls will love their baby brother very much. He will be almost 3 and half years younger than Selena and 2 years younger than Cora. I would choose to have another child only if you want another one. I believe that if a family tries to stay close together and do things as a family, then everything will work out regardless of age difference or sex. My sister and I are 8 years apart but we talk on the phone at least once or twice a week where me and my brother who are 14 months apart don't speak at all. Suffice to say we have different values and also different maturity levels as adults, parents, etc. So I wouldn't worry about it too much.

M. -
I have 3 boys - and that is all I plan to have. They are 9 1/2, 7 1/2 and 3 1/2. The older two do have a bond but they also bonded well with my youngest. OF course there are times when one of them seems to be or feels like the odd man out so to speak. Generally though - they are boys and they play well together - toss out the legos or blocks or lincoln logs and they are good to go. I cannot say if it would be better if there were four of them - I don't know. I can say that my three seem to be just fine though.
Good Luck!
T.

I have 4 boys...12, 11, 8, and 4. I went through the same dilema... do I have another.. do I not... Will it help, will it hinder. Well I decided that I wanted another baby and tried for one and got pregnant, miscarried, got pregnant again and then #3 and #4 ended up being 4 1/2 years apart. (I always wanted 4 children) I thought that they were going to be close because I had the 2 older boys who played together and then I would have the two younger boys to play together... Well i think I waited too long, well actually if I had not miscarried the spacing would have been better but, life is what it is and we can't control it. My younger two boys are not close, in fact I find my 3rd son quite resentful of his younger brother. They don't play well at all together, actually the 4th and the 1st play the best together. I agree with what the other person posted. I would not worry about the social impact of having or not having another child on your other children because it really makes no difference. They will be close or not be close, it is a matter of personalities, timing, environment... There are too many variables to base whether or not to have another child on creating a playmate for your other children.
I have no regrets, my son is happy and healthy, but I always knew I wanted 4 children. Now that I have 4 I also know that I am done and am satisfied with my family the way it is. Its not always an easy decision to get to.
Best of luck to you and your family.

I have 3 boys, a 6 year old and twin 4 year old. I also have a 9mo baby girl. She was not planned, but we were excited when she arrived. The 3 boys play well together (for the most part), and the baby girl has all 3 wrapped around her finger. I don't know how this dynamic will play out as they get older, and she becomes the annoying baby sister, but we'll see.

I don't believe that 'having someone to play with' is a valid reason to have a child. Our kids (girl 32, boy 30, boy 24, and girl 21) never played together much as little kids, partly because of gender and partly because of age, and partly simply because of personalities. They played with neighbors, church and school kids, and cousins. They all get along well as adults, tho, and everyone's fairly well-adjusted and happy.

Have as many kids as feels 'right' to you. We waited til the youngest was 6 before taking permanent action to prevent more (in our 'old age'. LOL)

Happy parenting!

If you want a fourth child, then have one but if this is the only reason you are considering another child, it is not necessary. My husband was the youngest of 3 boys and they were 5 yrs apart. By the time he was old enough to play with the other two boys, they were in school. He was fine. It gave him time alone with his mom the way the older two boys had time alone with their mom. Then he started preschool and had friends of his own age. You can't always count on children playing together just because they are close in age. My kids are 2 1/2 yrs apart and one is a boy and one is a girl, they play together great! It is all in their personality and how well they play with others in general. Not the age difference. Your youngest will be fine and having another child will not make things ok just by giving him a playmate. I was the oldest of 3. We were all 4 yrs apart. We played together as young kids but once we got into school we played with friends our own age. I don't remember hardly ever playing together as school age kids. We were always outside with our own friends, sometimes the group all played together. Good luck with your choice.

Your choice. How many kids do you want and how will it affect your life when they are grown. I only wanted two, but my wife wanted a dozen (Yes, 12.)
My wife and I ended up with eight. I'm so glad we had eight. 6 of the families live close enough they come over for dinner on Sunday. (3 to 5 of the 6 most Sundays.) I cannot tell you how happy that makes my wife and I. We have 16 grand kids and have 2 more on the way.
If you bring your kids up so you are not comparing one to another, then they will be better friends than if you fall into the trap of "Johnny got straight A's. Why didn't you?" "Or Billy plays baseball so well and has all those thophies . . . Why aren't you more like him?" Don't say "If your brother isn't invited to the party you can't go." My parents did that and my brother and I grew up enemies. I didn't and didn't allow teasing and all my kids are friends and they arrange play dates so my grandkids can play together and be friends.
From my experience, the closer they are in age, the better they play together and do things together.

Do you want another baby? That is your question. I have four, 2 girls and 2 boys. I thought the girls who are 2 1/2 year apart would be the best of friends, no. THey are as different as night and day and my 14 year old gets along better with my 21 year old than either of the two still in the house, 12 and 9.
I have many friends with 4, 5 and 6 children. Do it for you and your family.

You have no guarantee to have a girl. It's imoortant that all the siblings are close, not jus first two & last two. I only have two girls who are six years apart. I worried that they wouldn't be close until I saw how close my cousins who are also six years apart are (1 girl & boy). My girls are extremely close because we promote family responsibility and love amongst everyone. I knew that we had done a great job promoting sibling closeness when my 3 yo was hesitant to go on a playdate w/o her 9 yo sis. She asked her sis if it was ok to go & her sis replied, "Of course. I want u 2 have fun. When u get back, tell me all about it!" So, regardless of the age difference or gender, you can promote inclusion for all three boys.

I have 3 kids ages 6 boy 3 girl 1 girl as if right now i'm 30 and I have always said if i'm going to have kids they will be before i'm 30 as for adding another baby I really don't want to my time is filled with 3 $$ well sometimes there isn't enough to go around time we can't add more to our day's,our home is 4 bedrooms that means a sibling would have to share for a while till we move or add on I would have to purchase a minivan no time for myself as it is i'm a sahm so I don't always have someone to watch my kiddos when I need to or at a drop of the moment I loved being pregnant but it has also brought me some unexpected outcomes after delivery it all started with my 2nd child 3 months later I hemmoraged it felt like I was having another baby went to the hospital wasn't pregnant so I wasn't having a miscarriage as my husband thought I was having it happened twice,my 3rd delivery 3 hrs later I hemmoraged thank goodness the nurse was there she was the one who assisted me to the bathroom called in for help told me that everything will be fine but it didn't seem that way there were 2 great nurses there I had to be literally cleaned out in my room that was scarry then had to have a shot to control bleeding so in my case having another baby the outcome may not be so good for me I have to think about that although my drs say that it'll be fine my gut feelings don't.
If you are ok with becoming pregnant go for it myself having 3 I feel my life is complete sure it would be nice to have another boy so for my son can have a playmate he has 2 sisiters loves them.