3 1/2 Yr Old Not Interested in Potty Training

Looks like you've already gotten some great recommendations. I would just add that you might want to get the book "Diaper Free by Age Three." It's a great little book and it's written by a pediatrician here in Phoenix. I think it was $15.

I had the exact same problem with my 3.5yr old son! He knew how to do it and would every now and again when he felt like it but for the most part just wouldn't care about being wet or dirty because he was "too busy" to be bothered. I tried every trick in the book (and I was a preschool teacher for many years and trained dozens of kids!) and nothing worked and I was doing WAY too much laundry trying to keep him in underwear full time and him having "accidents". I finally decided he would go naked at least from the waste down anytime we were at home (pullups at first for outtings). you may need to watch for cues that they need to go and remind them (such as "hiding" or grabbing themselves) but for the most part mine did not like peeing on the floor. It has been a month now since I started that and we are in unders full time even in public (still in pullups at night) and we have had only a couple accidents! I hope this helps! Good luck!

Hi R.,
This is not meant *at all* to sound harsh, but it sounds like you are letting your son decide when he feels like doing what you want.

Does he also get to decide what everyone in the family eats? Does he decide how the family's finances are spent?

- I'm exaggerating, but it's no different.

YOU are the Mama. You have the right/authority to decide it is time for him to be potty trained. No more discussion.

Good luck.
t

My advice (and what worked for me) is COLD TURKEY from diapers. "Diapers are for babies and you're a big boy" "Diapers are for night time only"

We had lots of outdoor play so accidents were easier to clean up. The REAL incentive for my guy was the Hassle of getting cleaned up and changed. If he had an accident, I just calmly took him in and cleaned him up and changed him saying "next time lets try to make it to the potty" He would throw a fit about going in the house and being taken away from the play, "If you go on the potty, it won't take as long and we can get back to playing" I also let him pee in the back yard (still do) unless there's guests over.

It took us two weeks for the pee and about a month for #2.
I also had a party to celebrate when he had no pee accidents for one week (we had a chart w/ stickers) He had two friends over to have cupcakes and they brought presents (underpants, and swim trunks)

Thats what worked for us.
good luck

Hello R. R,

I don't mean to sounds "harsh" but I agree with your husband. I can see where you are coming from if he doesn't understand the concept of poop and pee and where it goes. Every child learns this at different rates, hence the age difference from when children get potty trained. I quote from what you wrote "He has gone poop and pee in the potty before and he understands exactly how to do it and has no problem there." so if this is the case, whats the problem?? Your son "knows" how to use the potty, but you are not enforcing it. If he is being lazy about it and not putting forth any effort then there should be consequences for his behavior. If you tell him to clean his room and he knows excatly how/where to put toys away and he doesn't, does that mean you are going to wait "until he decides that he is finally ready" to clean his room?? That's ridiculas, you are the mom make him do it. Or if you tell him to share something with his sister and he doesn't becuase you are waiting "until he decides that he is finally ready". BTW don't ask if he has to go, tell him to go to the bathroom and then he can play.

I think you have been doing the potty your way long enough and you need to give your husbands suggestion a try. Your son is not at the stage where he doesn't understand how to use the bathroom or the concept. He simple wont do it and you are allowing it to go on. I read almost all of the other sugeestions and thier children didn't understand or or couldn't grasp the concept that they had to go, your son knows how to use the potty. Learning to use the potty at 3-4 is not normal! It has become the norm becuase parents allow and want thier babies to stay babies. Yeah he is a little guy that is growing up and this is a stage that he should have already passed. Your not going to be able to start you daughter until you can get your son potty trained. Why would she want to? she already sees her brother doesn't have too. Just something to think about.

Also, I see responses saying he wont be going to kindergarten in diapers, don't worry. My son is 4 and will be starting kindergarten in August, could you imagine having to send you son to school in a 6 months( and you have already been working with him for 6 months) and he is unable to go to the bathroom by himself? Just a thought!

I had a hard time potty training both of my kids and what it comes down to is you. Your son is old enough to be using the toilet, as you've already figured out. You need to just put him in underwear, tell him diapers AND Pullups are DONE and just let him be. If he goes in his pants, clean him up and move on. If he feels you will eventually give up and just put a diaper on him, he'll keep manipulating you as long as he can. Make the decision and stick to it. You don't even have to punish. Just be very matter of fact, tell him how it's going to be, clean up after him and just do it. At some point, he'll realize you're not going to give in and will use the toilet all of the time. This happened with my daughter. She turned three and was still in diapers/pullups. Once I made the decision and stuck to it, she was using the potty 100% of the time within 1 week. I had to clean up a few accidents along the way, and was not happy about it, but she eventually got the message. Good luck.

Hi R.,

I got my son to potty train by using Cherrios (the cereal). It sounds odd by my grandmother suggested that I threw a few in the potty, and make it a game of having him pee on them. He was excited to go to the bathroom. Also now that he is 5 I don't have a mess in the bathroom that kids usually make with bad aim. Hope this helps.

I'd guess there are two issues at play here. The first is the attention that comes from diaper changing. He has a younger sister and doesn't want her to continue to get that attention when he doesn't have it. The second is that young boys in particular tend to think that their feces is a part of them. They have an irrational fear that part of them is being flushed away every time they go to the bathroom. Here is how to help him through these issues. First, use a potty chair. I know they aren't the ideal but for toilet training resistence its a must. Second you need to remove the choice of the diaper. This is easiest done in a fashion that limits his retaliation by soiling clothing. It's summer, plan a weekend outside. Put his toys on a shade covered porch, fill up the playpool, put fans outside so you can all be comfortable and strip him down. Let him play au naturale for a couple days with the potty chair there encouraging him to use it. You'll be surprised how effective this approach can be. Also remember that girls train ealier than boys, if this doesn't work now, in a few months you're girl may be inclined and then you'll have peer pressure on your side.

I'd make him run around the house naked with a potty in the living room for a week or two. I'm fairly certain he'll get it then. Just be consistent without making a huge deal out of everything. The bigger deal you make of it the more he'll dig his heels in because he's testing boundaries. Good luck.

Welcome to my world!! HaHa!!
I'm just relieved to know that I'm not the only mom out there going through the same thing! My 3 1/2 year old daughter is having the exact same issue. She does wear pull-ups and has since forever! She'll actually put panties on OVER the pull-up, because it makes her feel like a "big girl". I keep asking her if she wouldn't just rather wear the panties by themselves, but she says "no".
BUT, take heart! I do see an end in sight. She has been doing better about the potty in recent months. Her favorite thing is to go to the potty whenever we're out somewhere - the grocery store, a restaurant. I think she just likes the idea of going potty somewhere other than home. Also, she's very private about going to the potty - she doesn't want anyone in the bathroom with her. Maybe offer to let your son have some "private time" in the bathroom, and have a book or a game or something in there for him to do while he's sitting on the potty.
When we started this whole process FOREVER ago, I think I put too much pressure on her and she became completely uninterested in potty training. Every child is different, and I think you should just let your son do this at his own pace. I promise you - he will not still be in diapers when he starts kindergarten! And it doesn't help to punish him for going in his pants - that's only going to make things worse, especially if he starts trying to hold it in. Just let him work through this himself, and he'll get the hang of it.

My oldest is now almost 6 but he was very hard. He also has a sister 16mos younger so they are close in age as well. Your two appear to be like 12mos apart though! Anyhow at age 3 I made my son wear underwear except at night and when we were out. AT first he did not care but they get tired of that feeling on their skin. Once he started going pee a few times a day then I started the sticker chart which he loved! He was really hard for poop and also had constipation issues but boy oh boy thought that boy would never be trained! Luckily my daughter was super easy she kind trained herself at 25mos! I was so relieved because even at 2 I felt no energy to train her and wanted to wait till she was ready but she had her own intentions! LOL Good luck on what you decide.

This is one battle of control that you will not win. Only your son can decide when to control this. As soon as you let go, you will probably find that he will potty train. You can still decide on what to make for dinner and what time bedtime is, but this is one thing that is his and he will do it when he's ready.

After battling with and bribing my oldest child to potty train, here is what I did with my other 3: When I knew they had the ability to control when to pee and poop, I told them about the potty, bought some underwear and told them to tell me when they wanted to start using the potty. All 4 of my children started using the potty right around their 3rd birthday - I battled and "forced" my oldest and I let the other 3 go at their own pace. My SIL's kids didn't potty train until they were closer to 4. It's normal!

Make this a good experience and not one of trauma. Let him know it's his body and his decision to make. Don't make him grow up too fast - he is just a little boy.

Sounds like your son would rather win a battle of wills with your husband than use the toilet. It would be interesting to see if your husband was to go away for a while, by chance, if your son's attitude would change. Probably not practical, but he needs to back off at least.
Does your son have any playmates that are fully trained? Sometimes that peer model is the final straw.
Unrelated consequences for not going in the toilet do not sound like a good idea to me. BUT...you could make it a bit of a chore...he gets new supplies (not conveniently located) and has to ask for help politely for the clean up and change. Has to wash HIS hands afterward (just like he would when using the toilet.) He has to help dispose of mess (bagged of course) He's growing up...can be more responsible for his choice.
Good luck.

Both of my boys were "late" potty training. they just weren't interested. No matter if we bribed -- I mean awarded them for using the potty, nothing worked until they decided they wanted to use the potty. They knew what it was about and what to do. Ithink for my kids part of it is they didn't want to stop playing to go and would rather just wear diapers and go in them, but if that happened then they wanted to be changed right away.

My hubby was the same way. "Make him sit on the potty until he goes, even if it's for two hours." Well, that didn't happen. One day, like magic, they decided they wanted to use the potty and the rest is history.

I think you may be right about it being a control thing or an independance thing. At the time both of my kids were in day care too, so they helped quite a bit too, now that I think about it. I just remember when they were home not wanting to use it, once they were ready, they did.

My son's Birthday is in July, so right after he turned 3 I was desperate to potty train him. I told him you can not go to preschool in pull ups. He told me, "I don't want to wear underwear, I want my diaper." What finally did the trick was giving him one M&M after he would go to the potty. He was potty trained in less than a week. He never even had an accident at night. I think he was just being lazy and the M&M's were the motivation he needed. Good Luck!

D.

This is always the tricky part. We have tried many things with our boys. We found that if you put cheerios in the toilet (for aiming) they think that is a fun game. For going poop we used a reward of a tootsie roll (which was his favorite candy), my other son was the same way but his reward was gumballs (that is what encouraged him the most) Find something that he likes the most. Once he catches on to the everyday, then stretch out the rewards for once a week, and make it something different, and a little bit bigger reward. We made a chart for the fridge, and everyday that he went all day by himself he got put a sticker on that day, and at the end of the week he got to go to the store and pick something small (inexpensive) out that he liked. this method also worked for him to stop sucking his thumb. Good Luck!! Hope some of this helps.

You should never give consequences for not going potty on the potty. That will just make your child not want to do it even more. The key is to reward him when he does go in the potty so it makes him want to do it every time. With my daughter we used skittles or M&M's for each time she would go on the potty she would get some. My neighbor who has a little boy said she would give her son a little toy car as a reward for going in the potty.

I potty trained my son at 22 months using the "three day method" and I have passed the secret along to many of my friends, one of them had a very stubborn 3 1/2 year old and it worked like a charm, she couldn't thank me enough and was so happy and so was he! I don't know the author, nor does she know that I recommend her method - but you have to pay to download it off the internet. If you are ready and willing to take three days out of your life to potty train I would HIGHLY recommend it! I don't know anyone it hasn't worked for. It just might be the best $24 you ever spent! http://www.3daypottytraining.com/