Potty Training a Defiant 3 1/2 Year Old- HELP!

My daughter was 2 1/2 when we got her potty trained but she was at the same stage as yours she new what to do and how to do it but was just being stubborn. I tried one of those potty training in a day methods but it didn't work for us at all. I finally said that is it. We are done with pull-ups and we are not buying any more. We put her in underwear and plastic pants and we made sure she new that we were absolutely done with the pull-ups. We started on a Saturday and took her to the bathroom every 15 minutes and set the oven timer. Then on Sunday we went every 20 minutes and we made sure to give her a book or something to do while she was on the potty so she emptied her bladder. Then on Monday I had the daycare take her every 20-30 minutes. We kept this up until the accidents stopped and we would keep extending the time.

Another thing we did was a tinkle bag. In the bag we had games, coloring, play dough, etc. and if she kept her pants dry 3 times in a row between trips to the bathroom she got to do one activity out of the bag for 10 minutes with you. What was nice was she got to have your attention by doing something with you and you don't have to keep buying new things you just put it back in the tinkle bag and let her choose the next time.

We had a simmilar problem only my son would sit on the little potty, do nothing, then pee in his pants. My son loves malted milk balls. So I put a jar of them in the bathroom. He asked about them and I told him he could only have them if he used the potty. All of a sudden, he had to go - on the big potty only. We faced him backwards (so he wouldn't fall in) and suddenly he was pretty much trained. He was only allowed milk balls for going potty and poop - not any other reason. Find what she loves and use it!! Good luck.

I have the 3-day potty training guide! It worked wonderful for us. You can look it up at 3daypottytraining.com. If you send me your email, I will forward it on to you!

Hi K.,

I feel this way you are creating your own problem and in the same aspect you can solve your own problem.

You know when parents have the biggest problem potty training their child(ren) ?? When a new baby has been brought into the house. Kids feel in a sense they have just been pushed out of the "nest". And the nest being in the sense that she isn't the baby anymore. You say she has been totally playing you, in a way she is but it's not playing you it's "attention" and children will get their parents attention whatever way they can, whether it be negitive or positive. You see you want her to pee and poop in the potty and she holds all the power to poop and pee in the potty. At 3 1/2 she holds the ultimate power, she gets your attention when she doesn't pee in the potty and she gets your attention when she pees in her pants.

So what do you do ?? You relinguish control of the situation. If she pees in her pants say oh ok weel that sucks you better go get clean pants on or you put her in pullups. You show no feelings on the matter, it no longer gets to you. Let it go for a bit. Also make sure you are giving her attention in other ways, talking to her, having her helping you do things with the new baby. When you attention is no longer focused on her just going potty and it no longer pushes your buttons on the subject she will start going. This is my advice any. Hope it helps, W.

It sounds to me like she's holding out because of the baby. She sees how excited you guys are over the new baby and it's unsettling to her. She's not the baby anymore and she has been feeling this coming for a long time all during the last months in the pregnancy too. I think you may need to talk to her about how special it is to be the big sister and how she needs to be a good example for the baby. Try and come up with some things that only big sisters get to do and even though I know you are busy, try and find some time to go someplace and do something special with just her.

Suzi

Two of my sons are 3 years apart. When the baby came we would change his diaper then the 3 year old would come and say it was his turn for a diaper change. We really had to focus on them being different. Big boys get to ... Babies can not do ... Focus on good things like playing with certain toys, being able to ask for things with words instead of crying. Then start after a while talking about how big kids get to go on the toilet( potty chair.) Take ques from her as to how comfortable she is using the toilet. If she is scared of the toilet you need to address that issue before she can move on.