2Nd Grader Fighting in School

I do work with kids dealing with these kinds of issues.
My office is on the south-side of Columbia. If you're interested you can take a look at my website www.onpointlearning.org

Hope this is helpful.
C.

Mini pocket knife + kid with a temper + fighting twice at school = trouble

R.,

Something is going on alright and the first thing that needs to happen is your son must understand that he can't take a pocket knife or any knife to school. Most if not all US schools have a strict NO TOLERANCE policy for drugs and weapons.

If they are taking his recesses away are they also taking the other child's away or has it been determined that your child started the fight?

I would want to meet with the school authorities and the other parents. Get to the bottom of it.

Blessings.....

First, sit down with your son and get his sid of the story... no additional punishments for what he tells you. You want to reassure him that you are going to see if something is going on, but that he will be held accountable for his behavior. If he has already received a punishment at home and school, then promise not to add to it when he tells his side.

Schedule a meeting immediately with the teacher and principal. Find out exactly what is going on, including whether or not the other child was punished. At the meeting, reassure the principal that you are taking this seriously and that fighting will not be tolerated in your household. They need to know that you are partnering with them, not accusing them. I would want to know the following:
1. Where did these fights occur?
2. Who was supervising?
3. What led up to it?
4 Is the other child in my son's class?
5. If so, is the teacher aware and keeping them separated? Are the special area teachers aware? If not, then find out when the student and your son overlap.
6. Is this a pattern for the other child? If so, does that child have a plan in place to reduce the behavior.
7. What can you do at home to reinforce what they are teaching regarding appropriate behavior? Review the code of conduct with your child and find out whether or not you child's school is implementing Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports (PBIS). If so, ask for a copy of the plan so that you can go over it with your son.

Ask all of your questions at that meeting and make sure that there is a definitive plan in place when you leave. Follow it up with a "thank you" email that outlines what you talked about and "who will do what". Also, sit down with your son and clearly state what he should do if someone tries to start a fight with him. Also let him know at the outset what his consequences will be and stick to it!

I hope that he did not take the pocket knife to school! That could spell real trouble for him with zero tolerance policies. Did you intercept it? I would really hit that home with him, he just cannot, must not, ever carry a weapon, or anything that could be used as a weapon that does not ordinarily belong at school, to school. Ever. He is only 8, but they take it so seriously, and if he is having issues already, you need to be really clear, and I might take all these items away from him until you get to the bottom of what ever is going on here.

It would not be atypcial for an 8 year old boy to have ociaisonal imulsivity issues, or be high energy, or to even have a temper. I would, however, be very sure to look at this issue with a clear eye. If you have ever had reason to think that any of this is not typical, then now is the time to get a private evaluation done to know for sure. If you wait, and the school makes this deicison for you, you will be at a disadvantage in what to do, and you will have less control over the situation. You should never place yourself in a situation where you know less about your child than the school does, so if you see this coming your way, make the first move and get him evaluated privately. You only have to share this information if you decide to, but if you find something significant, you will be better able to protect him from himself and get him the help that he needs if you do.

If that does not apply to you, ignore it. If he is being bullied by another child, or is in a situation where he feels the need to fight, you need to find out why. I would schedule a meeting with the teacher ASAP, find out for sure what is going on, what he was dicicplined for, and if there is any pattern here. Speak to the princial and ask to see the documentation, but find out for sure and tell them that you want to help him.

Document your meeting. After you leave, send a summery email to the teacher and anyone else you speak to to sum up what they told you, and ask them to correct you in writing if you have it wrong. Ask them to help you with the situation, what ever it is.

You cannot take chances with the weapons, but do find out what you need to do to help him. If you decided that he needs evalaution, a Developmental Pediatrician, or a Board Certified Child Psychiatrist with a neurpsycholgoical supporting evaluation would be a place to start.

All behavior is communication. Take this communication seriously (showing the firends a weapon) I would not buy that explaination either, and I assume that you did not or you would not have linked it to his other issues.

M.

First of all, in Wichita where I live, I believe he would have been expelled for the rest of the year, not just suspended. Taking a weapon of any kind, whether innocent or not is very serious. It sounds to me like your son is crying out for attention... something is wrong. How is he doing in school? Is he struggling academically? Does he have difficulty with reading? Could he be dyslexic? It's not uncommon for dyslexic children to hit a wall around age 8. Children with learning issues are often very physical and things like recess and PE are a good outlet for their frustrations. Taking away his recesses may actually make his behavior worse. MO is like KS, I believe, and does not recognize dyslexia as a learning disability, so your son's teacher probably knows little-to-nothing about it. My email is ____@____.com if you want more info.

I am surprised that your school has not suspended him yet. Normally, schools have a zero policy in effect to protect all kids.
That said, I agree you should speak to him without the threat of punishment in order to get to the source of the problem. It may help him to talk to his dad or to a counselor. He needs to speak to someone.
If he is the instigator, then you need to take a no-nonsense approach to discipline and make it crystal clear that "high-energy" or not, he may NOT use violence to solve issues. If he is the victim or if he is defending another child, you need to make it clear that fighting is NOT appropriate and that he needs to tell an adult. Also, tell him that if the first adult does not do something, he needs to keep telling adults until he (or the other kid if he is defending someone else) gets believed and something gets done.
No matter who the guilty party is (another child or your son), make it clear to your son that you love him, but violence of any kind will NOT be tolerated. This is essential for the protection of all.
Also, encourage your school to be very vigilant towards your child and to keep track of any behavior. If a pattern develops, then intervention may be necessary (counselor, medication for ADHD/bipolar disease, etc.).
Best of luck! I hope this all turns out to be nothing more than a few boys testing the limits!
You are a good mother to want to solve this before it develops into something bigger! Hang in there and let us ladies all know if the situation improves!

The only way to see if something is going on, is to talk to him.
The other kids may have been the instigator... and he reacted.
But in that case, ALL the kids involved, SHOULD have been punished as well. Were they????

Document things....

Talk to his Teacher.... other kids may be aggressive too, or real Bullies.... and if that is the case... and kids are picking on him etc. and he is just defending himself.. then THAT has to be, clearly delineated.... with the Teacher and Principal etc.
BUT... teach your son, IF he is being picked on, to not hit etc., but to TELL the Teacher or supervising Adult.
Or he will be at fault too.

Next, if he is being 'bullied'... most schools have a "zero tolerance" policy against bullying. So find out.... if this is a case of bullying or not. By talking to your son..... see what he says and what is going on.... at school.

You sense, as a Mom, that something is going on. So the only way to find out is to talk to your son. Don't lecture or seem to 'blame' him... but tell him you just want to help him and understand.... and you want to know if anything upsetting is going on at school or to him.... see his side of it... then make an informed decision about how to handle it with him and the school....

My friend's son.... got into some trouble at school with another boy. Her son was punished. BUT, it was because, the other boy (a known trouble maker) would actually on purpose harass her son... and cause trouble. Her son, would then defend himself... verbally or just push the kid to stop. Because the kid would NOT stop teasing him or playing rough with him etc. So.... the Mom made a POINT, to tell the Teacher and CLARIFY what was going on....

BUT, your son also took a pocket knife to school... and this is a BIG no-no. You need to talk to him about rules and ramifications.... before he gets older and into more inappropriate situations....

I would be freaking out if anyone on my son's bus took a pocketknife onto the bus! Frisk him before he leaves the house please.

Please talk to him and make sure he does not take this pocket knife to school again - whether it's for show and tell or defending himself. See what is behind this fight. It could be he is being bullied or the other way around. Teach him how to control his impulse issues so this does not escalate into something you will be crying over later.

I think you have gotten some great advice as to how to approach this with your son. I do think it sounds like he is crying out for attention. He may have some emotional turmoil going on or something else, but whatever the case, he's saying--Hey somebody notice me! So he obviously needs help and needs to learn that getting attention in negative ways is not healthy or right. Also, I would take that knife away from him. No offense but I personally would not let an 8 year old boy have one. I know everyone is different though. You may feel it is okay and that is fine. But while there is a behavior issue going on, I would definitely take it away from him until you find out the problem. Good luck!

a pocket knife?!!?!?!?! did you punish him for that? big time no no. maybe you should ask the teacher for a conference and you should further investigate it to determine why he's acting out...he could be getting bullied to the point he can't take it anymore, or the bully himself......

There is a second grader on my kids bus (my kids are 2nd and K) and he has fought people at least once a week. I'm mortified that he is still allowed on the bus. I think you are doing the right thing in asking for help - but where in the world did he even get a knife? Why does he know about them? Where is he seeing these types of behaviors to act out? I'm on a mission to get this 2nd grader off of my kids bus because my kids have a right to ride safely to school over his right to fight. Maybe your son could use a therapist to just tak out his emotions?