2Nd Baby??? - North Branford,CT

Updated on September 22, 2012
E.K. asks from North Branford, CT
11 answers

My daughter is almost 3 and 1/2 years old. We have talked about having a 2nd for a long while. Things have gotten in the way...promotion, home issues etc. I am really on the fence. I think I would love to have another but really bad pregnancy/labor, just recently promoted and huge house repairs. How do you know when you are sure and it's right? Our first was a surprise so not much thought...we just knew! No back and forth thoughts! And, is it too late for a sibling? I've read on the Internet that your first child will resent you...is that true? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.K.

answers from Phoenix on

.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

D.B.

answers from Boston on

Of course it's not too late. And if all first children resented the parents, we'd have a world of single-child families.

Yes, some kids resent the new baby or get ticked off at the parents. That's offset by the singletons who beg for a sibling. Both are phases and not life-long psychiatric disorders. Siblings fight. Single kids depend more on parents. Some siblings learn to share. Some singletons develop independence and confidence. So there's no magic answer. You can find anything on the internet to support any position you want, so don't spend a lot of time surveying every early childhood expert.

If you wait for every dollar to be in the bank and every project to be done and all your ducks in a row, it will never happen. If you really don't want a 2nd child, then you won't let these things get in the way. But if you feel you need to take care of all these other things, then maybe a 1-child family is perfect for you.

I have one child and am very happy that way. But don't think that you couldn't have enough love in your heart for a second one.

No one can answer this for you. We can de-bunk some information (such as the resentment issue - which should not be a deciding factor) but families come in all sizes. Some people are happy without kids. Some people have 4 or 8 or 20. Some people adopt a second child or take in a foster child or a child with developmental delays. There is something of an age factor for women, but now with women having kids well into their 40s, even that isn't a huge deal anymore in many cases.

So the answer is in your heart, and it may not be there yet. You have time.

5 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.B.

answers from Fargo on

I'm not sure there's a "good" time when planning to have kids. Even now, we are not preventing #4 but sometimes i get freaked out now about it. My girls are spaced out and I love it. There is 8 years between my first two and 7 between #2 and #3. Part of why I'm freaked is because my little one is 11 months and I'm nervous they will be too close in age, but I'm 38 and don't have time to wait haha.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.V.

answers from Los Angeles on

Too late for a sibling?? My daughter was 7 when I became pregnant and she was thrilled to find out she was going to be a big sister. Never had any resentment or feeling left out at all. Now my second child is 3 1/2 and we just found out a couple weeks ago that I'm pregnant.

I'm glad they will have 4 yrs between them as I've never been the type to be able to have them close in age. I don't have enough patience for that and I like to enjoy one at a time during their baby/toddler yrs. But I'm glad they will still be close enough in age as they get older.

As for knowing when it's right, we had been talking about it for a few months and decided we'd start trying in August. Well the first try it worked so there's no turning back now! Obviously I'm not going to lie sometimes I have a thought here and there about what the hell am I doing having a 3rd but we are both very excited and knew it was the right time. Those feelings ultimately out-weigh the worrying, second thoughts, freaking out, etc. I think that's when you know you're sure.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

It's never too late for a sibling. My 10 year-old daughter has a sister (27) and a brother (30). The two sisters are so cute together, really. The brother feels a little more like an uncle, I'm afraid, since he was off at college when she was little, but now he is married and has produced nieces and nephews that are close enough in age to be my daughter's siblings. So things always work out.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.T.

answers from Muncie on

My daughter is 6, her brother is due to arrive on the 3rd. The timing has been perfect for us. She's now in school and I can focus on getting the house ready and on the baby when he arrives for a few hours before she gets home. Also with her being older she has a better idea of what "new baby" means.

Take your time, enjoy you little one. You'll know.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.G.

answers from Chicago on

There is never a good time to have a baby. If you want one, have one.

A friend of mine just had her second. The age gap is about what it would be between your kids. Her son has adjusted sooooo much better than my daughter did. And I credit it to him being older. In fact, I'm pregnant with my third, and my 2 year old is struggling with it, while my 4 year old is thrilled! I know there will be some adjustment, but I do think many older kids look forward to there being a baby in the house. I don't know any that were resentful.

My first labor was a nightmare. My second? Soooo easy. This third pregnancy is thus far the easiest. So it can be better the second or third time around ;-)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.M.

answers from New York on

I have a 5yo and 13 month old. The timing is great! My 5 yo is such a big help and LOVES his little brother. There is no perfect time. My oldest was a surprise too. But with he 2nd we kept waitin for the right time too. Then just said screw, let's do it. I didn't want them to be too far apart. It really is a good age difference because they can understand what is happening. You can prepare them, make them feel involved and that they are appreciated. And let them know how important being an older sibling is. My son is so proud.
Just do it! (lol. No pun intended)

A.M.

answers from Kansas City on

when it comes down to it, having more comes down to WANTING more kids. your child doesn't "need" a sibling, that's completely bogus. stopping usually has more to do with being responsible, appreciating what you already have, etc. it's supremely unpopular (actually, pretty much taboo) to tell anyone not to have more children. but we are one-and-done and seriously, our lives are complete. having more children won't make you a happier person. it won't make your child a happier person. hard work and raising her right will do that.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.M.

answers from New York on

I say, start trying! I have a 3 year old and a 6 month old. Its never the perfect time. My younger brother is 4 years younger and we have a great relationship because of that distance. You also don't know how long it can take to become pregnant (or maybe you do....). My daughter had a large adjustment period but its going well but its a journey. Totally worth it! Good luck-

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.L.

answers from Rochester on

well, my husband and I prayed about it first. And when the time was right, we went for it. Your little girl is never too young nor too old for a sibling--she just might like it.
Also, if you want to look at the finashial part of it too. Can you afford a new baby? Are you in the right time and place of you life where you can have another life into your family?
Pray first. And listen to what your spirit tells you. You'll know.

Also, I would like to add something...when you find yourself pregnant, have her involved--like, before she goes to bed, give you a kiss and your tummy a kiss. Let her tough your belly and talk to the belly--where the baby would be. That's what we did with my son when I was pregnant with his sister. Love mommy and love the baby. worked wonderfly!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions