I know there are always sleep questions - but I'm at the end of my rope and out of ideas - so it's my turn to post a sleep issue :-)
My son Evan is 2.5 years old. He has NEVER been a great sleeper. It's always been touch and go with him. Now, at this age, he will go to bed farily easily - he goes to bed around 8 pm. Around 11:00 my nightmare usually begins... he'll start calling me and/or my husband to his room. If we don't go in soon enough, a whine turns into screaming & crying. He begs to be rocked in the glider in his room. He'll use every excuse in the world - I have to pee; put my covers on; I want to rock; rub my back; I want my music; etc. Sometimes it's as if he's just being a little brat - and other times it seems like he's scared of being alone in his room. He was afraid of bugs for a while... so mommy "bought" "magic bug spray"... it's a simple spray bottle that I put stickers all over, and filled with plain water. He believes it's magic spray and we spray it every night before bed. That helped that issue. But now he still seems to want us in the room with him all the time. If I say "no" to rocking, he'll ask me to just sit in the chair while he goes to sleep.
We've tried everything - from being really strict and giving him time-outs in the middle of the night, to postive influence like getting a calendar where he gets a sticker for each night he's a good boy and doesn't call mommy or daddy into his room.. after so many stickers, he gets a toy. I went on the computer with him and let him pick out whatever toy he wanted from the Toys R Us website. He picked out a scooter. I printed a huge picture of that scooter and taped it right under the calendar - which I put on the inside of his bedroom door at his eye level. NOTHING has worked. At this point, I feel like I should be getting a normal night's sleep for the most part. I can understand here and there - but he does this to some extent EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. Sometimes he naps, sometimes he doesn't. When he doesn't nap, he goes to bed very very easily, but will still wake in the middle of the night no matter what. He has a night light so he's not in the dark... I've run out of ideas... so any suggestions are welcome!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for all the great ideas/responses. Wouldn't you know - as the day I posted this, was the night he decides he's going to sleep thru the night. Oye. 5 days later - he's "better", but still waking once or twice, for 30 seconds... I just have to go in and put his blankie on him or something. So I'm in and out and he doesn't beg fro me to stay. I'd love to not get woken up AT ALL - but this is major improvement - so I'll take it :-) I've noticed that when his fan is on in the window, he sleeps more soundly (could be a coincidence, but I don't think so). So on the nights he doesn't need a fan, I may invest in a sound machine to mimic that sound of the fan. We'll see if that helps too. Thanks again all your wonderful mommies for your encouragement, experience, and support. I truly appreciate it :-)
Do you think there could be something waking him up at a certain time every night (noise from A.C./furnace, a car door from neighbor returning home, etc)? Is there a definite pattern/time when it's happening?
If so you might want to try some white noise/fan/humidifier/soft music CD--some kind of noise in his room at night. Just a thought. I know it's hard.
If you do give him what he wants and stay with him, how long will it take him to fall asleep? I know I'm in the minority on this one, but when my kids go through phases like this, I do stay until they fall asleep. It's usually not too long, and after a bit, I start phasing it out, and leaving when they're almost asleep, and then a bit earlier, and so on, weaning them gently off of it (if they notice, I promise I'll check on them in 1, or 3, or 5 minutes, and it's very important to actually check when you say you will) I've done this with my older two (my 17 month old still nurses to sleep) and by the time they were 3 they were both going to sleep on their own except for the occasional night when they really need it. I believe that now they only ask for it when they really need it because they know that if they do really *need* me (or their dad) to be there as they fall asleep, they can have it. At this point, it's only a couple of times a year, usually when something has upset them close to bedtime or they're not feeling well.
Right now, it sounds like this makes night time a stressful time for everyone, with him crying hysterically, possibly getting punished, and you getting all worked up. It will be easier for him to go back to sleep, and learn how to do it himself, if everything is kept calm. He can learn to soothe himself back to sleep in smaller, more gentle steps.
Anyway, no criticism here of anyone else's methods -- Just a different point of view that can also work.
I feel like I am reading my own post!! About a month ago, in the SAME situation, I drew the line in the sand. When he was calm, and not over-tired, I explained that he needs to sleep all night...in his room, in his bed, without crying to me etc. I put a child safety knob on his bedroom door, effectively locking him in his room without really locking it. He did not want it there, and I told him that if he could sleep through the night 7 nights in a row, that I would stop. He also wanted to learn how to play the drums??? of all things. All promises were made, and the night began. The screaming and pounding on the door started at 0130, and were some of the longest 20 min of my life. I had explained (before bedtime) to him that I was NOT going to open the door until the morning, period. I stuck to my guns (VERY hard when he was crying, why won't you let me out, I have to pee etc). He went back to sleep. At 0430, again, cried for 2 min, I don;t think he got out of bed. The hardest thing was not talking or answering him at all. I cracked the door open in the morning before he woke up, and he asked if he slept all night? Hah. He wanted the dinosaur sticker for sleeping through the night. The next night he slept through! We have had some ups and downs, but the screaming and waking 3-4 times a night has stopped! Last week he was crying, and I felt OK with going in the check on him, resettle, and he was back out, never really waking up. This is real time since I just did this 3 weeks ago. Wishing I had made it happen sooner! Good luck. It is hard, but it has to happen for him and for you!
PS I gave him a night light too, just for the first week or so. That way when he is disoriented in his room he cane find the bed again, but have since taken it out because I think that the light was unnecessary, and too bright.
From what you've said, I would guess that your son is waking up at night (which is normal, even for adults) and having trouble getting himself back to sleep. I think what's important is finding a consistent way to tell him he needs to stay in bed and figure out how to go back to sleep by himself. My 2.5-year-old has trouble getting into bed and going to sleep -- he traps me in a hug and pulls me into his bed and says "I got you!" and then asks me in an oh-so-sweet voice to stay and go to sleep with him. It's so tempting because he's so cute and just wants a cuddle. But, after I snuggle with him for a minute, I tell him that he has to sleep in his bed and I have to sleep in my bed, and if I can't distract him with songs or something else and I have to leave him screaming about it, I do. He calms down eventually and goes to sleep. This same thing happens sometimes in the middle of the night (although fortunately not every night, as you're dealing with). So that is what I would suggest -- when your son wakes up at night, go check on him, make sure he isn't hurt or scared or wet -- but then hug him and kiss him and tell him firmly that he has to go back to sleep now. Then leave the room, no matter what excuses he's come up with. Eventually he will learn how to get himself back to sleep and that screaming in the middle of the night never gets him a cuddle in the rocking chair. If you give in to this, he'll know it's a possibility and will be encouraged in his middle-of-the-night screaming. If you've been acquiescing in the past, it might take some time to reverse his expectation now.
I don't think he should have a time out for waking you up, but if he won't stay in his bed after you tell him he needs to, there will have to be some consequence. Maybe he has a favorite stuffed animal you could take away if he's not in bed, or you could threaten to turn the night light off. Maybe that's not even an issue -- my son doesn't get out of bed, he just screams from his bed.
I have also heard that if music is on when a kid falls asleep, they expect it to be on when they wake up, and it can be scary if they wake up to different sounds than what they fell asleep to. Same thing for waking in a different place from where they fell asleep, waking in bed when they fell asleep rocking or nursing etc. So you might consider doing away with the nighttime music. That being said, recently my boys (2 and 4; they share a room) have asked for music at night, and it isn't causing any problems. But then again, until recently they did not have music, so they are used to silence when they wake up at night. Anyway, I can't vouch for the idea that circumstances in the middle of the night should mimic circumstances when kids were falling asleep, but it makes sense to me.
Yep, it's a tough one when they won't sleep at night. Not sure if my son slept through the night consistently before he was 3 or 4 at least. Every kid is different. We did the warm bath, reading books, snuggling, "5 more minutes, Mom!" and then Raffi music. I'd sit down and 20 minutes later he'd be calling me to turn his tape over (he's 17 now, lol).
Then he went through a stage where he wanted to sleep with me, but that turned into jumping on the bed and talking. Or he'd wake up at 11 at night, just when I was going to bed to get up at 6:00 a.m. for work the next day.
My daughter's little girl was really bad for a while. She's 4 now. My daughter got her into preschool and then gymnastics, because she wasn't getting enough physical exercise during the day. They sure do have a lot of energy! I guess anybody could use a good dose of exercise and then a warm bath after supper.
If he won't nap, wear him out! Then feed him some carbs and light protein (i.e. mac n cheese or something similar). Give him a warm bath and story time. Keep at it, they eventually do go to sleep on their own. Just when he gets through this phase, and you sigh with relief, it'll be something else -- yesterday my granddaughter got a hold of a blue Sharpie pen and drew all over my daughter's walls, a TV screen, her toys, and herself, all in less than 5 minutes! My daughter was frantic but rescued everything except her walls, which will have to be repainted.
My son had a nightmare once about a light falling off his wall, where there was no light! But he was still afraid of it. Does your son have a favorite cuddly toy to keep him company? Is there something in the room that frightens him besides the bug issue? What if you re-arranged it so he felt safer? How about a tent canopy?
Kids never behave like little adults and it's hard when you're not getting enough sleep. Just keep taking turns with dad every other night and be calm. Keep your sense of humor. "Ha-ha, time for bed, Mister!" I wouldn't bother with the bribes or cajoling, if he can't sleep, he can't sleep. If nothing else, join a parenting group and you'll find that it's a lot more common that you thought. My niece used to get nightmares if she drank chocolate milk, I don't think my sister slept till she started school!
Good luck and hang in there!
