2.5 Year Old Boy and Our Crazy Sleep Routine-help!

Updated on January 06, 2011
E.O. asks from San Mateo, CA
8 answers

A little after he turned two, my son was very much resisting the crib. He'd splay out his legs to fight going into it. He moves a LOT in his sleep and we'd find him twisted all around the crib and decided that maybe it meant he was time for a big bed. So we moved him. He sleeps fine (once he's asleep) but getting to sleep is the issue. Right away he got right out of bed, giggling and came out into the living room. So what we've been doing for months is that we alternate nights and we read books, do our routine, and then one of us (whoever's night it is) lies in his bed with him until he falls asleep. This can take literally an hour to two hours. We finally accepted maybe his bedtime's too early and pushed it back to 9 because the 8:00 thing wasn't happening.

This is affecting our marriage at this point because we never see each other it seems and sometimes the person doing night time routine just ends up falling asleep in there.

We've had travel over the holidays so didn't want to rock the boat or do anything to fix it until we were home and could spend the time needed to work through it.

Any suggestions? Is it time to go "super-nanny" on him and just bring him back to the room repeatedly until he gets he can't leave? I'm at a loss.

(First time mom by the way).

Thanks!

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So What Happened?

Once we did it (started on a Friday night), it went really well. The first night was hard, but we just keep bringing him to bed and he wore out after 30 minutes. The second night was 20 and the third night he didn't come out. He falls asleep about an hour faster than when we were laying there with him- so crazy! Also,hugely helping our marriage to have even that hour together at night! Sometimes he does come in during the night (not always, just sometimes) and we'll pull him up into bed where he'll sleep a little longer. Sometimes if I have the energy I'll bring him back to his bed. Much improved though! Thanks for all the advice!

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S.C.

answers from Milwaukee on

My daughter was a co-sleeper since birth. I refused to do cio and knew when she got old enough to understand, I would start putting my foot down on her sleeping in her own bed. This is what I did.

After books, we snuggled for 2 songs (came bedtime CD every night). After that I would sit on floor at foot of bed till she fell asleep. After about a week I changed sitting on floor for about 20 min. After about another week I stopped sitting on the floor. I would answer a few questions she would yell out for a few min. I would tuck her back in twice if she got out. After that I told her I am not talking anymore and if she got out of bed I would close her door (very big thing for her to have her door open). It worked. She would still try and talk to me in the beginning, but when I wouldn't answer, she gave up.

I started this when she was 3. She's a few days away from 5 now and we still do books and snuggles for 2 songs.

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M.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

I’m not sure what advice to give on this particular situation but I know like with anything else when you are trying to change up a routine or break a habit (getting rid of a pacifier, co-sleeping, potty training), it can take up to 2 -3 weeks, and a lot of patience. I would be frustrated too if the routine was taking 1-2 hrs.

Your first step should be getting out of bed before he falls asleep so make that your first goal! Yes at first he will resist and just get right out of bed, but be firm and put him right back. Be gentle, patient and loving with your words.

Does he have a night light or a flash light in his room? That might help too.

Again, this can take a couple of weeks but in the end you will be glad you stuck it out!

Sorry that's all I've got. We're a co-sleeping family (although my kids are in their own beds now and great sleepers) but I know this has worked for others.

Best of luck!

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D.M.

answers from Denver on

I can totally relate : ). My daughter was the exact same way. I didn't have the heart to do the Supernanny thing... and she was waking her younger brother.... so we did lie w/ her. Then I put together a reward sticker chart and it worked like a charm. For every night she went to bed w/o us, she got a sticker and then got a prize at the end of the week. HOWEVER, once the stickers ran out - she wanted me back in bed w/ her. I still lie w/ her to go to sleep.... now it only takes about 10 minutes.... 98% of the time. I have learned to enjoy that time with her.... There is no wrong answer... do what is best for you and your marriage.... Just know it will get better which ever route you choose.

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R.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I would say the supernanny route is the best, walk him back tuck him in say goodnight and leave, walk him back tuck him in and leave, this going to take some time but it does work

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T.H.

answers from Sacramento on

This is a tough age. My son was terrible about staying in his bed and if we got in bed with him, he would just climb all over us. We did the supernanny thing and stuck with it diligently for over three months. He was improving (say getting up 20 times instead of 120), but it was still more than we had patience for since it would often take an hour or more for him to go to sleep. Now, if he gets up three times, we close his door. If he protests for 10-15 minutes, will go back and tuck him in again and give him another chance to keep his door open. If he gets out of bed again, we close it (repeat as necessary--the three chances happen only at the beginning). Once we started doing this, he really started settling down and his protests are nearly a thing of the past. It took about 2 weeks. He's 2 3/4 and I'm praying that this particular battle is over. It was a strain on our marriage too.

Another option is the "sleep easy" option. You can tuck your kid in bed and leave. If they get up once, say "I'm going to close you in your room so you stay safe" and then put up a baby gate but leave the door open. Then, you check on your kid 5, 10 and 15 minutes later (and at 15 minute intervals for as long as it takes) until they fall asleep. We would have tried this, but our sons room opens to the main room in our house, so we thought it would be too distracting for him to see us doing our evening routine while he's trying to sleep.

Those are some options for you. I think the key is being calm and consistent. It's REALLY hard, but you can do it! Good luck.

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

As I was reading your post, I was thinking Super Nanny. Although I've never tried it, it looks like it works (at least on TV). I would give it a try. there's really nothing else you can do except sleep with him every night. If you do, though, maybe the person who isn't in there with him can wake the other up after an hour or so so you can still have some alone time.

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D.W.

answers from Gainesville on

Do your routine and go the Supernanny route. It worked great for my busy son right about the same age. It took about 2 weeks total but it just wasn't fun for him getting up if mom wasn't going to talk to me and make me go right back to bed!

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B.R.

answers from Sacramento on

I think your "super nanny" idea is probably a good thing to try. Also is there something you can think of that would be a good reward for him to get the next day if he does stay in his bed? That has worked for our grandchildren fairly well. Decide the 'rules' of the 'game'... how many times will you allow him to get up, and for what reason? I think you need to make allowances for possibly getting a small drink of water, or going to the bathroom (one time for each would be my suggestion). But other than those ... or a possible real need such as he is truly feeling ill ... he should be expected to stay in his room.
You might also want to look at the rest of his day and see if there is anything you might adjust in his schedule that would help him be tired enough to go to sleep at the time you want him to. If he's still taking a daytime nap, perhaps shortening it, or setting it at an earlier time of the day would help. Is he getting enough active play time? Are you winding down well the hour or so before bedtime so he isn't 'keyed up' when he gets to bed. Is it possible that a menu change of some sort might help. Certain foods eaten in the evening may help a person sleep better, while others might tend to keep a person more awake.

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