24 Month Old Waking up and Clinging When I Put Her in Her Crib

I just switched my 22 month dd into a queen size bed (no frame so it sits lower) from her crib and she is finally sleeping through the night. Before she would wake up and scream if I took her into my bed she would sleep until morning and if I took her out to the living room she would get stimulated. So this transition has been great however getting her down is another. I hope this helps and gl

Well, I never had my daughter in bed with me after I stopped nurding her at 8 months, but she did the screaming thing when we put her in bed, too and what worked really well for us was to take her into her room and put her in bed but I have a chair there. I could sit next to the bed and gently stroke her back for a while. I did not look at her though, because the eye contact made her think it was play time. So she would lie there and cry a bit, but I was there and stroking her back. Then when she calmed down a bit, I would stop the stroking. Then after a few minutes I would stand up...a few more minutes and I would take a few steps towards the door. I kept doing that until I was out the door. It took about a week or 2 before she would let me put her in bed without screaming. Oh, and she has a regular twin size bed because I was pregnant with my son when this was going on and wanted to get her switched over to a bed before I needed the crib for him.
You might also try making bedtime a really fun thing. I don't know how old your daughter is, but we let our almost 2 year old daughter "walk on the ceiling". She gets her jammies on and then we hold her upside down either by the legs or the waist (my husband is taller, so he can hold her legs) and let her "cloudwalk". Then we hold her like a baby and swing her 1....2...3 and WOOHOO! in bed. We don't throw her, but she gets that feeling and she LOVES it. She counts with us and giggles.
Good luck and STRENGTH to you! You can do it. You just have to be patient and consistant. Hope that helps!

I know you don't like the crying it out method but she is 2 years old. Nursing her to sleep will cause tooth decay and lead to her using you as a human pacifier. She needs to learn to go to sleep herself. You will be doing her a great thing if you teach her to do this. Falling asleep in her own crib and putting her down while she is awake is the best method. If you are expecting another baby, if you do this now you will save yourself an enormous amount of stress later!!!
Bedtimes that are routine, offer the child self confidence and lot's of snuggles and love is a positive experience.
She is more then old enough to do all of this now.
Start a routine, stories, no nursing until she falls asleep, as she needs to brush her teeth after nursing. Get her all snuggled in and I would even consider now is the time to get her used to a big girl bed. Empowering her with the capabilities a 2 year old can do at that age is the best gift you can give her. It doesn't deprive her, however you caving into her crying is teaching her to manipulate, that isn't a good thing.
When that new baby arrives, she will need to be more independent, you will need to have her be a big girl and by allowing her to nurse to sleep, sleep in your bed is only going to cause a lot of distress for her when you are juggling a newborn on top of it. DO these changes now, so she doesn't resent the baby for disrupting her life.

YOUR TWO YEAR OLD by Ames & Ilg.
I just read about how the EXACT same bedtime routine every night is key, the EXACT same book even!
Anyway, the series of books is great, I highly recommend them.

What really worked for me was nursing my son in his room, then laying him down and telling him I'll come back in 5 minutes. I would leave and let him cry a couple minutes, then come back as promised. I would comfort him for a minute or two, then do it again, actually waiting 5 min. then 10, etc. He eventually learned to trust that I would come back, and got sick of waiting for me and would fall back asleep. No sleeo method works great the first night, you just have to look at the long run, it generally takes about a week to get them sleeping on their own, but in the end, is worth it, especially with you being pregnant again and needing the rest!By the way, I'm a doula if you need anymore help! Good luck and sleep tight!

Oh my Gosh, I think you and I lead parallel lives. I thought I was the only one still nursing a two year old. Mine happens to be a boy, (also very affectionate) who wakes up in the middle of the night to come and nurse in my bed!!! I too am pregnant with a girl (due in three weeks). I unfortunately don't have any great advise, because as you can see we have the same problem, but I just wanted to let you know that you have a twin mommy out there with the same issues. However, have you tried reading books at night to her? I get my little man to sleep in his own bed by reading to him and rubbing his back. Sometimes he falls asleep without nursing.

Maybe it is time to ween and start working on things like a big girl bed and potty training. Give her a new "bug girl" task to be in control over. It really helped me to play "mommies" with my daughter when I was pregnant with number two. I put her in charge of things and we practiced changing diapers at the same time. When they figure out their time with you iill be gone, it makes them feel out of control. I also talked to mine (and mine are 15 months apart) about being on a team. It wasn't her and the other kid. But two kids as a team and mom as the coach.

I think the best thing to do is start putting her to bed in her crib every night. Put her down awake, and then sit next the crib with her until she falls asleep. Hold her hand or rub her back, but don't talk to her. Then after this is effective for a few nights, move a little ways from the crib and don't touch or talk to her. Every 3 or 4 nights, move farther and farther away until you are not in the room with her any more. This approach doesn't work for everyone, but it's a good way to start. She needs to learn how to fall asleep without you. Do your normal routine...bath, jammies, nurse, book, whatever order works, and then put her in her own bed. You don't have to make her cry. Comfort her all you want, just don't bring her to bed with you. It might be a tough transition for both of you, but it's best to do it before the new baby comes so she doesn't see the new baby as the reason why she doesn't get to lay in your bed with you anymore.

I so understand not being comfortable with the 'crying it out' approach. When my oldest was a baby he slept in his crib only at nap time and in the family bed until he transitioned into a toddler bed by his own choice at about 2 and half - having his big boy bed was exciting for him. (I weaned him at 39 months).

I was expecting to have my 2nd follow the same routine but early on we discovered that he was a lighter sleeper and any movement but us disrupted HIS sleep. I did some research and found that allowing them to cry it out actually teaches them to self-sooth which prepares them to handle disappointments in life. I can really see the difference between the two, and feel that I did a great dis-service to my older child who is a teen now.

Hearing him cry it out was SO hard, I was usually crying in the other room but it didn't last more than a week or so before he learned to settle into his own bed. The rub here is that you HAVE to be firm and stick with it. If you cave once, or even go in to rub their back it will set you both back twice as far and bedtime can become a nightmare for years.

He is 3 now and getting him down for a nap or at bedtime is so easy - he doesn't need to be half asleep before putting him down... all he needs is to follow his regular routine: at nap time he brings his sippy cup of water with him, he gets in bed, gives me a kiss then I turn on his music. At bedtime he brushes his teeth, changes into his pj's, we read a book, gets a kiss goodnight and I turn on his music.

Having 3 - 5 things they always do before bedtime helps prepare them and signals their bodies that it is time to wind down. You can give them the choice of which order they want to do it in (do they want to brush teeth or put pj's on first?) For you it seems that it would make sense that nursing is the last thing, but either do it in her room or the living room.

My aunt and uncle transitioned their kids from the family bed to their own beds by starting with a small palate on the floor next to their bed - but they had their own bedtime routine which was a couple hours before the parents. They were usually around 6 - 7 years old before they slept in their own rooms. On the debate over the family bed there's no evidence that this is wrong or harmful... its a personal choice.

P.S. Nursing a child to sleep does not promote tooth decay (breast milk doesn't contain the types of sugars that decay teeth) or make you a human pacifier, comforting your child is not wrong. The American Surgeon General recommends that all children be nursed at least one year and that it is a lucky child that can nurse for two. The World Health Organization recommends that every child be nursed at least two years. Neither say that a child should be weaned by a specific age, they say that nursing should continue as long as it is comfortable for both the mother and child.

are you going to keep nursing her and the baby? if not it might be a good time to start establishing a completely new routine, one that doesn't have her in bed with you but focuses on her room and her bed. I would guess your dd feels something is changing and is looking for reassurance--how you do that will depend on your family plans with the new baby. I know my dd loves to control what she can in her world. I try to give her choices and give her a clear picture of what to expect for the night, like it's time for your bath now and then we will put on your diaper and jammies and snuggle while we read a story then you get your baby, I will get your water and it will be time for bed. I restate the next steps that are still coming as we do them--I think it helps her know what to expect and not be surprised. I also tell her I will come get her when her nap is over (bedtime is called nap at our house too) this seems to help. We went through this really bad when her daddy left for Iraq. It took a while but I found a consistent routine is best, I think that at this age they finally realize that things can go away and that can be scary--if your dd goes to sleep somewhere and wakes up somewhere else that can be scary--I'm not sure if that is what it is but that would be a guess...anyway I hope you can find your solution! Good luck

One thing you can do is put her in her crib and sit right in front of it while stroking her head or rubbing her back through the bars for 5 minutes, then take your hand away and sit there for a few more minutes. After that, scoot 1 foot away while still sitting. Keep this up until you reach the door and stand there for a few minutes while closing the door a little each minute. This takes a while but yuo will eventually get out of there. Do this every night, spending less time in each position until she is weened from your old bedtime routinr into her new one. I had to do thia with my daughter. Just a warning...my 28 month old got really clingy when my son was born. He is 5 weeks old and she is finally calming down at bedtime.

NO ONE is comfortable with the crying out method. NO ONE enjoys hearing their baby cry. But the method works. Your daughter is using you as a comfort object. You need to provide something else as a substitute --- blanket, stuffed animal, one of your dirty shirts, etc. You and she have developed a bad habit --- although a nice one. After you nurse her, read her a story and rock her. Sing her a song and dance slowly with her. Then put her to bed. She WILL cry because she knows it works if she wants to get her way. Leave the room and let her cry for 5 minutes. Return to the room to comfort her without talking to her or touching her. Leave the room again and let her cry for 10 minutes. Then return to the room. Repeat this as necessary for intervals of 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 25 minutes, and 30 minutes. She probably has fallen asleep by now. If she is still crying after 30 minutes, pick her up and comfort her. You will not fix this overnight. It could take days or weeks. You need to be tough. You need to teach her how to be independent. She'll be fine. You are being a good mom by setting boundaries. The boundary is that she can't sleep with you and use you as a comfort object. You need to do this because soon you are going to be needed by your new baby. Have your husband take turns putting her to bed. She needs him as much as she needs you. You guys need to be a team --- especially once the new babe arrives. Good luck.

I just want to commend you for breastfeeding your daughter for so long, and encourage you to stick with your instincts and not let her cry it out. If it has not already been suggested, you could try the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution." Hang in there!

The only approach I would suggest and know of that will work is the crying it out approach. Kids are smart enough to figure out when they can win and how they can win. It will not hurt her to cry it out. It's difficult to listen to them cry, but the longer that routine (bringing her back to your room) goes on the harder it will be to break it.

It sounds like your daughter needs you to fall asleep, and so she can't fall asleep on her own. This problem may be showing up now (whereas it wasn't a problelm in the past) because you are pregnant and your daughter senses it; my 2-yr old. daughter got very clingy with me when I first started showing with my son (now 11 weeks old), which was around my 10th week or so.
I would recommend a book called The Baby Whisperer. The author, Tracy something (sorry I can't remember) advocates more gradual change vs. the "crying it out" method. Try easing your daughter into it: nurse her in her room instead of in your bed, then tell her that she'll stay in her room and fall asleep there so that she knows what will happen. Maybe you can sit with her while she falls asleep in her own bed until she gets used to doing so. The book also suggests trying something 3 times in a row and NOT GIVING IN; i used this 3-times-in-a-row method when trying to get my daughter to sleep through the night, and it really worked. It is hard to not cave in after the 2nd time, though, when they are crying so hard, but just stick it out and it will be worth it. It may be time to start weaning your daughter, too, as she'll have plenty of time to adjust to that before the new baby comes, and then won't negatively associate one with the other (having to stop nursing with the arrival of her new sibling).
Good luck--you will both do great with a little hard work!

I also stay home with my two children, who are now 6 and 8. If you are not comfortable letting her cry it out, there are two suggestions that may help.

-Take her out of her crib and rock with her for a few minutes in her bedroom, then put her back. If she begins to cry again, you may explain to her (she is old enough to understand), that you will do this once or twice more, but time in Mommy's bed is over. After the second time taking her out (as I am sure she would let you do that all night), leave her in her crib but rub her back or tickle her back for a few moments. At least then she knows you are there to comfort her, but it is bedtime. If you feel comfortable, leave her alone for short periods, but come back and assure her that you love her and that it is bedtime. This may take over an hour for a night or two, but she will learn that you mean what you say, and that she needs to go to sleep in her crib after falling asleep with you in your bed.

If that seems to harsh, my other suggestion is that she may not be feeling well or may be going through a growth spurt, or just feeling really attached to Mommy. Just bring her back to bed, and let her sleep with you. When she is good and asleep, take her back to her crib. As long as she ends up there. This may pass within a couple of weeks.

I know you said that you have not minded nursing her to sleep in order to get the extra snuggle time. But, more than likely that is going to be more difficult once your new little one arrives. I was nursing my now 18 month old daughter to sleep for naps and bedtime until about 14 months. It was just taking such a long time and she would usually start crying if I got out of bed. So, we just started a totally different routine. We now just read books, rock and then I turn on a lullaby cd, say nigh-night and NOW she goes right to bed. It took about a week of us laying right next to her to go to bed. It was never even close to Cry it Out. She would fuss a little bit, but was comforted by the fact that either my husband or I was right next to her. We did not look at her, just acted like we were sleeping also. Like I said, after about a week, she started to get excited to go to bed!! Now, she RUNS to bed saying "nigh-night" to everything on the way :)

She does still wake up in the middle of the night and wants to nurse then and I do still bring her to bed at that point, but at least it is a start :)

Hi B.,
Wow- sounds hard! Definately needs to be resolved before #2 comes along to avoid more jealousy issues. My suggestion would be to move her into a "Big Girl Bed" She can go with you to pick it out- hype it up- have a little party with some stuffed animals and get really excited about it. You may have to fall asleep with her in HER bed for a couple nights to transition- but that may be the key. We transitioned our 20 month old to a big boy bed 2 months before his brother came along- so that he would nto be keicked out of his crib for the baby. He went with us to buy it- was very excited and was easy to put down for bed and naps for awhile in his "big Boy bed!!"
Another thing that has helped us is a book called "I can do it my self" a sesame street book. Talks about all the things kids do for themselves. We add things to it, like, I can sleep in my own bed, I can do it myself" Etc. They are proud to do things for themselves. My 2 yr. old had a little trouble at preschool- wanted me to always be with him. I left him for 15 minutes the first day and when I came back, he was so proud and said "I can do it myself!!!" Who knows- every child is different- but may be worth a try.

Our son was also in our bed until 24 months. We put his crib right next to my side of the bed without the gate on it. This allowed me to reach over and comfort him, or for him to get out when he needed to. It didn't take long and he didn't want to sleep with us. He talks and "fights" with his sisters in his sleep. We talk to him calmly and most night he goes right back out. The first month or so he wanted his Ovaltine in bed to make him more comfortable. He has already given that up.

This worked for us... just an idea. Congrats on the new baby!

I agree with Deb K that she may be ready for a new bed. At that age, she may just resent being "trapped" in bed where she has no freedom. Plus, unless you plan on buying another crib for the baby, you'll probably need it unoccupied soon. I also agree with her that it's not such a good idea to let her nurse to sleep. It definitely is bad for her teeth. If she isn't already, it's definitely time to get her used to brushing her teeth before bed. You mentioned you like the cuddle time nursing her to sleep provides. If you switch her to twin bed, you can actually cuddle with her in her own bed by reading, singing songs, or whatever bedtime routine works well for her. She is old enough to understand what and when bedtime is, and go to sleep. That doesn't mean she'll always go willingly, but she'll at least know that's what time it is. My 22 month old twin boys (sleeping in twin beds off the frame since 15 months) know exactly when naptime and bedtime is, and they always protest, but always go. I hold one of each of their hands and walk upstairs with them. They whine at me and cry the whole time, but they are walking up there themselves. I'm not forcing them. It's like they know they're going to have to go to sleep, but they just want me to know that they're not happy about it. Usually, as soon as I close the door, they aren't crying anymore and they always eventually fall asleep. Anyway. Routine is key. Find something that really works for her and stick to it. She'll get the idea that it's time for bed. Good luck.

Congratulations on the new baby and for nursing your 24 month old!! I nursed my daughter till whe was 2 and a half. We started a brand new bedtime routine when she was that age, just so that she knew she was a big girl and this is how it was. We started with nursing in her room after reading a book and did that every single night. Now she isn't nursing anymore and we still read books in her room, and scratch her back and she is right to sleep. We still have our moments when she wakes up in the night talking or fighting in her sleep with her sister but I just go in and softly lay her back down, rub her back and thats that. I would start now, so that you aren't up the whole entire night with your toddler and your new baby. Good luck!

This may be hard because she likes the extra snuggling time but I would try to put her right in her crib rather than having her sleep with you. It seems that she wants to sleep with you and therefore is letting you know that so it seems like you may have to set some boundaries with her. Since she is 2 you can try reasoning with her and telling her that she can snuggle with you for a little bit but then needs to sleep in her crib. I also don't particaluraly love the idea of having to have a child "cry it out" but I think at her age it would not be damaging to her. She is at the age where she will cry because she wants something out of you not just because she needs you and you may consider letting her cry for a bit when you put her in the crib so she learns that you won't always come and put her back in your bed. Hope this helps and doesn't come across as pushy-just some suggestions!