21 Month Old Having Major Seperation Anxiety!!!!!!

Gosh the poor girl!
Just wondering, if in the past something may have happened while in daycare/babysitter, that then freaks her out about it???

Typically, yes, "separation anxiety" appears at different age-sets, and is manifested in different ways, per the child's age. So then this is 'normal.' At 2 years old...a child is ALSO STILL developing 'emotions." Their emotion range, is budding, they are experiencing different emotions, and being that it is all so 'abstract'... a child this age can't literally understand it all... or "cope" with things such as anxiety or normal everyday 'fears.'

So then yes, it's a "phase" and they outgrow it... and it may reappear again as well. But typically gets better as the child gets older.

Has your child said to you, "why" she freaks out with others???? I know at this age, they can't just articulate what they are feeling perfectly... but just ask her. See how she responds....

The thing is, she reacts 'hysterically' and very scared like. So, perhaps it is just a more overt separation anxiety that she is having. BUT, it's curious, that only a few months ago, or lately, that she started behaving this way, when previously, she didn't and was fine with it.

If anything, and it is a typical separation phase... you may just have to plan your activities as such, with this in mind. OR, you just go about things and leave her with a babysitter anyway. Knowing that your girl will react this way.

For myself, my daughter was always 'shy' with others... and pretty clingy. But she never got 'hysterical' over it, or with other 'strangers' in the same room. Nor did she cry over it.

Sorry I don't have any answers... but you could try and read her stories about 'strangers' or about socializing... teaching her about 'emotions' and the names for her feelings... and talking to her about "Mommy comes back...." and what not. And, also teaching her about how to tell you if something or someone 'scares' her etc. These are very good skills to learn for a child even at this age.

All the best,
Susan

It could be a phase, but what scares me is that you said it first started when you would pull into the parking lot. That almost seems like something may have happened there that scared her or worse, was done to her. If she has transferred those fears into being left alone with just anyone then it may be because she isnt old enough to differentiate between who did something to her. She first associated it with the place and now with just being away from you. I'm not trying to scare you but I would look into it. In all liklihood, it is is coincidence and just a phase, but worth checking out. What kind of back ground checks do they do on the workers at the daycare, etc...? Even if it wasn't something horrible but they were strict with her and it was out of the norm for her, it could have had this effect as well. Do everything you can to assure her she is safe and loved and explain to her what is going on as you visit friends etc...Kids are smarter than you think. Even if they can't tell you everything, they understand most of what we say. I would NOT take her back to that daycare, just to be safe and I'd tell her that.
Good Luck with your precious little girl and I hope this passes with no lasting effects.

You need to see this from a different point of view ~ your daughters. Yes, it is probably just a clingy phase. Children go through them. All four of mine did. If you feel certain that she is not being mistreated by anyone in your absence, then it is just a phase. Don't be irritated by it. Be understanding. Be there for her. You are a mom. It isn't always fun or convenient, but it is your job to accept your daughter in all stages of life. She is seeking safety and security. That means mommy. If you are there for her during this phase, it will pass faster.

M.,

For me when my son at about 18 months old starting freaking out in the daycare parking lot this was a cue to me that something was VERY wrong. At first, I thought I was blowing it out of proportion, but once I did some surprise visits I saw that the toddler group was being supervised by a bunch of young women who were more interested in talking to each other than working with the kids. Also, after talking to a couple other Mommy's I became very concerned about their idea of discipline and the lack of consistency in routine.

Needless to say, I pulled him out of that school and let him stay home with my Mom who was able to retire from work to help me out during the day.

Seperation Anxiety can happen at various age/stages and can be caused by a number of things. Things like change in routine, loss of something, illness and of course the very tough inability to express and recognize emotions clearly.

With my son, I began very early on explaining emotions and feelings and helping him identify them once he started throwing tantrums I made even more of an effort. Tantrums or freak outs are usually due to an emotion they can't explain or help us understand...usually anger, sadness or frustration. If she's not happy going to the gym, I would see if you can explain to her what is happening or maybe leave her with someone else until it passes.

I agree with the poster, who said talking to your child HELPS get them past this type of phase. At this age, just over 2.5 years old, I'm able to see my son's frustration before it explodes and try my best to talk him out of it with words and explanation before it becomes a crazy tantrum. It was great the other day we were driving in the car and asked him if he was okay and he said, 'yeah I happy.'...it melted my heart!

Sorry, lots of rambling...

But, bottomline...don't let her feel you being frustrated by the situation. She will only cling that much more, because she will sense something is wrong. Hold her and tell her it's okay, explain who the visitor is and that she can stay with you as long as she needs to, but it's time for a fun visit with whoever your company is. Before the company gets there, if you have pictures of them (like famiy photos) show her who's coming over. Have her help you with the preparation like helping you with food or putting our snacks and things like that. Make her a part of the activity and she may settle because she has ownership over something.

My son is my helper all over the house...laundry, dishes and vacuuming are his favorite things to do when helping me around the house.

Just be patient it will pass!

Good Luck!

Just a thought...my son is almost three now but he used to be very hard to deal with when things came up he didn't understand. Finally I realized he wants to know who, what, when and where. I have to explain everything to him in advance (dr's visits, train rides, shopping trips)

If you plan on having someone babysit her I suggest explaining to her a day in advance...make her excited. Talk about the things she will do with the babysitter. Read books, watch cartoons...whatever will make it a special experience/seperate from normal life. As the day draws closer, talk about it more with her. Explain what will happen. Tell her you will go do X while she does Y with grandma. BE sure you explain you will be back, and maybe even let her call you while you are out so she knows you aren't far, and always reachable. It may be annoying at first...but eventually she will feel comfortable that you are there when she needs you and she won't call anymore. (This would also work if you have someone over...give ner notice of what willhappen, that you will be there the whole time..etc..) Also I would try this weekly...drop her off for an hour one week. Then two hours the next...until she is more comfortable with it. I'm sure it is a phase, but as a self-admited worry wart, I would def try and talk with her in "kid terms" to be sure she wasn't abused or mistreated by a babysitter in the past! Good luck.

I can see where it would be tempting to think that "something happened" while she was at the gym daycare, but that's not necessarily the case. Could just be that she missed you, didn't understand where you were, and that's the association she is now making with that place. Also, some days kids just need more love and attention, and she might have had that reaction on one of those days. I'm a firm believer in giving kids this young the attention they need, even if it means canceling your own plans. I agree with the mom of four who says giving her the attention now will make her less clingy later. Give her what she needs, she is still a baby in many ways. When strangers are at the house, just hold her and reassure her. She'll be fine.