We disciplined both our kids at the beginning of their first tantrums with a swat after a calm warning. They very quickly learned to stop the tantrum with just a warning to avoid the consequence, and soon it was natural to control themselves. At ages 2 and 4 they have never had a full blown one because we NEVER let it slide or escalate. We acted firmly, calmly, consistently and immediately, never out of anger or frustration. Children that age do not understand time outs and words about not being nice face to face etc. And they don't draw a psychological parallel between the fairness of you swatting them vs them hitting someone else. They only know their own consequence based on their own action, and if it's not firm, they won't care or learn. Many of the non spanking parents I know have children who hit, and mine never would. My brother and I NEVER hit other kids and we were occasionally spanked, so that argument doesn't hold water. If you don't believe in spanking, use something else that is a very strong deterrent as discipline or it will get much worse when she learns she can get away with it. She does have the capability to learn the right behavior. Tantrums are a parenting style choice. Good luck!
