so my 20 month old daughter is always throwing things, and I'm trying to teach her that it's not ok to throw things at the tv, at people, to throw food, a sippy cup, etc. today she threw her mini football (not all that soft) at the tv twice in a row, and it made the lcd screen flash where it hit. after the first time i picked her up and looked her right in the eye and said no sternly and took it away. of course she screamed and cried and was upset, but then she did it AGAIN. of course i tried explaining to her, if you throw things at the tv you could break it and then we can't watch elmo anymore, but she doesn't get it.
then at lunch she was constantly throwing her sippy cup. sometimes it lands on my foot and it hurts! i say things like "ouch that hurt mommy" sometimes she takes pity and will give me a kiss, other times she just laughs.
usually the cup sprays milk or water all over the floor or wall, and i'm so tired of cleaning it up! today i let the cup lay there for a while and didn't promplty retrieve it while she whined for it. sometimes i put it in the fridge and say she can't have it. eventually i give it back to her because i want her to drink, but usually when i do, she'd either take one sip and then throw it again, or just throw it immediately when i gave it back to her.
one time i told her i had to hold the sippy when she drinks since she kept throwing, and she threw a fit because she couldnt hold it on her own, and as soon as i let her, she threw it again! when i look upset, sometimes she LAUGHS. i try time outs standing in the corner for 30 seconds, and explaining to her what she did wrong. i try putting her on the other side of the baby gate and turning my back to her, and she just cries and cries, then sometimes when i go to get her she laughs!
what is supposed to work? why does she just laugh in my face? why when she gets so upset after i take it away, does she do it immediately when she gets it back? ARGH i dont know what to do!
You have to be stern with her she is smart and not give in to her, take the cup away and make her use a real cup to drink from.
T.
A.,
I'm sorry for laughing but the way you wrote this was funny to me because I deal with the same stuff a lot! I will tell you that throwing is a phase and it will pass in time but you have to be really stern. She is a smart little girl and she is working you! I'm a stay at home Mom to a 26 month old boy and he still throws occasionally and we just have to take things away for a day or more. We replace the item with something he CAN throw, like a soft ball or toy. I know its hard to look at their little crying faces but they are testing us, day and night to see what they can and cannot get away with. One day my son threw a french fry at the mall food court and it landed on someone else's table, talk about embarrassing!
These might be little people who still need us for lots of care but I will promise you that they are way smarter than we give them credit for, they remember everything. Sadly, right now she is challenging you and she is winning. You have to put your foot down now or it will only get worse over time! (and if she doesn't drink for a few hours, she will be fine, I promise!)
Email me, I'd love to commiserate!
L.
____@____.com
My 13 month old is doing the same things right now. To her it's a game, no matter how stern I am with her, or if I take things away from her, she gets mad, but doesn't understand that I took it away as a consequence of her actions. I did however find a product that I swear by that will at least keep her from making messes with her sippy cup. It's called a "no- throw". It's basically a leash that you attach to the cup or bottle at one end and the other end to her high chair, car seat, stroller, or whatever. I have since purchased 6 more and keep them everywhere. This has taken the fun out of the "uh-oh" game for her and she has stopped doing it so much. I got the no-throw at Walgreens, but here is the website so you can see where else it is sold. Good luck!!
http://www.nothrow.com/
A.,
My 19 month old tries this from time to time. I know it's hard but you have to stop giving her the things back. Once you take it that's it for the day or two days or whatever. If you're just going to give the item back after 5 minutes or 20 minutes or an hour...she's not going to care at all that it was ever taken away. Maybe she knows that if she throws a big enough temper tantrum she'll get it back. My little was is surprisingly smart and manipulative!!!!With the sippy cup-if she's thirsty she'll drink it from your hand. We all obsess over wether our little one is getting enough to drink or eat but at this age I think we can chill out a little. They are starting to tell us when they are hungry or thirsty and like I said, if she's thirsty enough she'll drink from the cup YOU are holding because she threw it. Stay strong. Continue explaining to her even if you're not sure she understands. I also do time outs even though it doesn't seem to much bother her at this age. I'm shooting for routine and consistency so that when she does start to hate it in a few months it won't be an option = it's what you have to do when you are naughty. Of course, there's no sure fire answer that will solve the problem just do not accept it.
Oh I agree, she is working you! You think that she does not understand but she completely gets it and is trying to get a reaction from you. Decide on a course of action for the behavior and stick to it without emotion, which is hard! Give her one warning, then tell her the next time she will go to time out. Time out should last more then 30 seconds, typically as many minutes as years as your child is old. So she is almost two, give her two minutes. When watching TV and she throws something, give her one warning, then time out and when she comes back the TV is just off. The time out chair should be away from your usual area. You might have to keep putting her back in the chair until she gets it. She will get the idea really fast. You have to stick to your guns, this can get really out of hand! The key is so have no emotion and to teach her that her actions have consequences she will not like. Good luck! Also, a great book for discipline is 1-2-3 Magic. I loved the approach and it has worked for my two very energetic boys!
Fantasic books for exactly these issues:
"Love and Logic" (author?)
"Positive Discipline" Jane Nelsen.
Better to not look upset. Remain calm and carry out conseqnces without emotion (easier said than done, I know! :)) Good luck!
welcome to the terrible twos. the pediatrician told me it goes from 18 months until they are three years old. I put my son in his crib or pack and play where he can not get out. when they talk more they will understand and do less of those things. I know where you are coming from my son is twenty two almost twenty three months old. It is a minute for every year they are. I do about two minutes and let him scream then he stops.do the sippy cups with handles on them. the playtex ones are good. if she laughs put her in time out again. if it is time for her nap tell her it is time to take a nap. sometimes if my son gets out of hand and it is the evening,i put him in the bathtub. it calms him down and he likes to play in there. good luck
My son is the same age as your daughter and I can totally understand what you are going through. He is throwing stuff all the time. Usually after the 2nd reprimand its over. He thinks its hilarious. Just remember she is not laughing at you. She thinks what she is doing is fun. Try not to take it too personally put yourself in her shoes for a minute and think how fun this new skill is! I am not condoning what she is doing b/c I discipline my son for it too. I just try to get a little perspective. After the umteenth time your patience are GONE so I get it just be consistent and you will get there.
I will think of you the next time my son launches something across the room and no that I am not alone...LOL.. Good Luck!
Hi A., It's really simple, if she throws something take it away! And don't give it back. She is testing you, and playing a game...welcome to the "terriable twos"! Being two is not all about temper-tantrums, it's also about pushing limits and learning about what punishment is. Try time-outs (the rule we used is one minute in time-out for every year of age). Keep your rules simple and consequences consistant. Stay strong! Best wishes.
