20 Min Pooper

I would bring this up with the pediatrician, it doesn't sound normal to me. Is she drinking enough water, eating enough fiber? Normal, regular pooping should not take any effort, 5 minutes, tops. Take note of how often she poops, and what it looks like (shape, color, consistency) because this will help the doctor to know if there is an issue that needs to be investigated.

Hi Mama -

That sounds totally like my oldest daughter. I swear every time she goes in there, I have to ask if she has fallen in. She goes in there and reads or draws or anything else like that. I feel that is her personal alone time and if it takes her that long, then so be it. Now, my son, on the other hand, I don't know how he does it. He is in and out of that bathroom in less than a minute. It's absolutely hysterical!!

My son is like that! He was taking forever to go poo and then one day I found out that he was taking his DS in there with him! Now that he can't do that anymore, it's doesn't take near as long. Still takes longer than most people take but much, much better. :)

My grandson can take up to 20 minutes to finish pooping. He just needs that much time. Not allowing the time needed for a natural function could have health consequences. Bribing is not only a desperate ploy but not emotionally sound. You've stated your child's needs; the daycare has stated their needs, and the two don't seem to match very well. Not sure what to suggest, other than to argue your very reasonable case, or find another daycare situation.

There's one more thing you might try to speed things up: pooping in a deep squat is actually the most natural position to facilitate the process. Some parents train their children to stand on the toilet seat, or place a raised footrest to either side of the seat, to allow a natural squat. I've even seen raised foot supports for this purpose. Here's one link: http://www.naturesplatform.com/index.html. A possible alternative would be to allow her to squat over a training potty, or the bowl from one, and see if that helps her finish the job more quickly but without rushing.

What kind of daycare has scheduled bathroom breaks?! Can't the kids go whenever they need to, and for however long it takes? There's nothing wrong with your daughter, my husband and son are EXACTLY the same way (which drives me crazy by the way!) But seriously, I have never heard of anything like this, and I have 3 kids that have gone through preschool from age 2 on up to high school, including several kid's camps and after school care. I would take issue with this, your daycare director is SUPPOSED to be educated re child development and this just seems way off to me :(

My son used to take 45-60 min. He's down to about 20-30. My husband takes 20-30. Neither has reading material. I don't time myself, but I'm sure it takes a bit. Most of my family takes 10-30.

This is abnormal?

You know what? Tell the daycare to deal with it and not to penalize her again. I'm sorry but that's ridiculous to penalize a child for toileting the way she toilets when she's not fooling around.

And for you... start building her toileting habits into your schedule. Just do it. That's how she toilets. My husband's entire family and all of my siblings toilet for far longer all the time. My eldest daughter not only is 10 and poops longer than your daughter, but she strips completely naked to do it every single time. I actually know several people that do this. Don't ask me why, or how I know this, but they do.

You could encourage your daughter to have her bowel movements at home before school so that she doesn't have to go through the teacher's idiocy. You just don't rush a child when they're toileting. You end up with retention problems from anxiety. Unfortunately, I've BTDT.

I don't think there's ANYthing physically wrong with her at all. I used to be like that. Not constipated, just liked to take my time. I'd be WAY worse if I had reading material, lol.

The daycare is TOTALLY out of line on this one!!!! Pooping time and behavior are very different!!!! I'd say you put your FOOT DOWN, and insist that they do not link behavior with length of time in the bathroom. Why make the poor dear feel bad for this? not right! Maybe, if you are comfortable talking with her doctor about this issue, they can write a note (even though it isn't a "problem", the doctor can label it as "normal" for your child) saying that it is not "bad" to poop that long.

I have read several responses...to those who condemn this child for taking too long...poo on you!!!
Some people just take longer. Thats it, end of story.
You just have to try and ask "do you need to poo?", earlier in the day. Also, work at making it a point that TIME has to be taken for "pooing" sessions.
I will not mention people, but I KNOW that I have understood, as adults, some of us go quickly...and some of us read the morning paper....
Your daughter seems to be a "newspaper" reader...(there is nothing wrong with that)

Sometimes my daughter takes a long time, sometimes she's quick. My husband takes forever. I'm quick. I guess it just depends. I think it is unreasonable for the school to want your daughter to hurry up while she is going to the bathroom. That sounds like it might create potty issues, which you don't want. I'd consult your pediatrician. I've noticed if you tell the school you spoke with the ped and she/he said this..., then sometimes the teachers back off.

I wouldn't worry about school in the fall -- that is far off and she may change by then.

Good luck!

Sounds just like my MIL and my husband. She has a phone MOUNTED on the wall in her bathroom. She spends LOTS of time in there. My son thinks that is HYSTERICAL! Four year old are so easily amused.

That is a long time but if that's what she needs, that's what she needs. How can she changed how she has a bowel movement?

Ask the doctor an if need be get a note that says she needs longer to take number 2.

I can not imagine having a child take that long to poo!!! My boy is in and out in 2 minutes, tops. My other son is in and out in less time than that! I think it takes me all of 4 minutes and my husband...he takes the longest at about 7-10 minutes. (i don't know WHY it takes him that long?!)
Your daycare is right though...once she gets to school how is she going to go #2? She could miss a whole math or reading lesson!
It sounds like she may need some more fiber in her diet to get things moving along...or like she really doesn't need to go and just sits there until gravity takes over. I would talk to her pediatrician.
I don't know how you can talk to her daycare. I thought kids just got to go when they needed to go. I will say that that would drive me CRAZY!!! Has she not been with this daycare very long? I wonder if it's a power struggle with your daughter. It's the only thing really that she can control and she's decided to do just that. Make everyone else wait for her.
I really don't have any other advice except to make sure she is getting plenty of water throughout the day, some ruffage or fiber, and maybe things will get moving a bit quicker.
L.

My 10y is like that! Try increasing her fiber - apple juice, water, graham crackers, etc. That might help speed things along.

I understand the center's position, but if they keep hounding her, she'll begin to hold it. That leads to bigger issues like accidents, and NOT being able to go at all.

M.

Sigh. I wish the world would be more accepting of natural body variations. I used to get in trouble in school because I would have to leave class to go poop three times every morning. Finally I just started going to the nurse for an hour because I could poop, lay down for fifteen minutes, and then go poop again. When I got into junior high and started switching classes every fifty minutes, I just got used to being in extreme discomfort and holding it in until I could get to the next class, where the teacher didn't know I had just used the bathroom 25 minutes ago. At home, my mom was always knocking on the bathroom door and checking on me "to make sure I was OK" - as if the only reason why it should be taking me more than three minutes is illness. When I grew up and visited homes that had reading material in the bathrooms, it was revolutionary for me - wait, you mean I'm not a freak? It's normal for pooping to take awhile?

That said, I do understand the logistical difficulties. My oldest (almost 7) also takes 20 minutes to poop. Sometimes he is just sitting there for five or ten minutes, and it looks like he's screwing around, but then: he's right, there was more poop on its way. Before he started kindergarten, I also asked him what he was going to do when he had to poop at school and it could not take so long. Honestly, I'm not sure what he does, but I haven't received any complaints from his teachers, so I think he really just worked it out for himself.

Honestly, I think you have made reasonable and useful proposals to the daycare. Your daughter is 5, she does not need full-time supervision in the bathroom. Is there some other reason why she can't just go by herself whenever she needs to use the bathroom (telling a teacher, of course) and then the teacher can come check on her after ten minutes or so - not to stay through to the bitter end, but just to pop a head in and make sure she's doing OK, then go back to the classroom? I get that the teacher can't sit there with her for 20 minutes - perhaps explicitly letting them know that you do not expect her to be monitored for the entire bathroom process will help them out.

Good luck - and good for you for being supportive of your daughter and her healthy bowel habits!

I have no advice but wanted to let you know you're not alone!! My 5 year old son is like that - it takes him FOREVER to poo. The worst part is when we are out at the store & he has to go, so then we are stuck hanging out at the bathroom for 20 minutes while the food that is supposed to be cold gets warm.
Like your daughter, he doesn't have any physical reason (no constipation or anything) to take that long he just does. Maybe they will grow out of it or maybe I should just put books in there for him to read :-)
EDIT** I just read Peg M.'s answer - my son actually started doing that on his own. It's really odd to walk by the bathroom (he rarely shuts the door) and see him crouched on the toilet like that but hey - it works for him so I usually just walk on by without saying anything.

My daughter used to take a long time as well it was because her feet didn't touch the ground when she went. Do your daughters' feet touch the floor if not she might take longer getting it out.

KM said something about her daughter's feet not hitting the floor - I've read that too.

that when you sit properly your feet act as a balance and the muscles release better 'down there'. Not the full on squat that was described in another e-mail... just a stepping stool or something that will allow her feet to be supported.

My 2.5 year old potty-trained son is this way (just like his daddy) *sigh* -- we changed his food items around so that the more laxative fruits (like grapes) are generally given with dinner and we just sit him on the potty after dinner. He poops then and usually we don't have to worry about it during the day then (he generally only poops 1 time a day). My daughter is more like me...waits till the last second, runs there, and is done in 2 seconds. My son isn't playing either and asking him to wait wouldn't help really--he literally starts pooping within a minute or so of sitting him down and isn;t done until 15-20 mins later when the last bit comes out. So strange to me...but such is life.

Wow, what a long pooper!
Sorry, but this sounds long to me.

Is she reading on the toilet? Or just hanging out?

Maybe try asking your Pediatrician about it.
Who knows what 'normal' is, in pooping length.

Just wanted to let you know I share in your experience! My daughter is also the same way. She will sit on the toilet forever, sometimes she doesn't even poop, but she tells me she is checking to see if she has to. She is 7 and in 1st grade. She does not struggle either and she eats very healthy. The school does not give us grief about her habits and she usually does this now just in the mornings and sometimes also in the evenings. The older she gets the less it happens during the school hours. It will get better, but the morning ones will probably never go away! lol... I do feel bad that the daycare is not understanding, but hopefully the note from the doctor will help. Good luck!

Get a note from her Doctor. Here is the deal... be HAPPY and THRILLED that she poops!! Soooo much better for a child to be a 20min pooper then to go too quickly (not get it all out) or even worse - not go at all (my life with my daughter for several painful years). My son on the other hand takes his sweet old time and I never rush him. We've even had a few mornings that I knew we may be late but I would say to him, "take your time bud" (to ensure he didn't feel rushed or stressed). If kids are rushed or made to feel bad then they may start holding it in and I can't stress enough how horrible that is. So - yea, go to the Dr. and tell them you have a slow pooper or however you want to word it and tell daycare to deal with it or find a new place. This is one thing that shouldn't be rushed. On a side note - my son just turned 6 and just recently (last week or so) he is getting his business done quite quickly. So maybe it is something she'll outgrow?

My son is the same way. He is 10 now and in 4th grade. When he first started school we would go to conferences and the teacher would complain that he was taking so long. I told her he was always that way. Half way through kindergarten he said his tummy hurt every day. We took him in and the dr took x rays and told us he has a lot of poop in him. Most people's intestines are mostly empty. So he takes so long! So each year I talk to his teachers about it. Most seem to understand and don't have a problem. He had one teacher that didn't seem to like him so she made a huge deal about it. She insisted he be tested for autism for other reasons. When the test came back that he had no forms of autism she about fell over and said she couldn't believe it! All I could do is grin from ear to ear! She made me so mad because he didn't fit into her little box of what a kid should be like! I'm sorry but if the teacher can't deal with it maybe you should change daycare. Or talk to the director and say the if the teacher continues to get angry over that then you will be looking else where. I know it is frustrating but would they rather hurry her up and then have your daughter have accidents? Or take her time and get it done right? My son has had some wonderful teachers but is 1st and 2nd grade ones were not so great. I have usually talked to the teachers at open house about it. I hope this helps and best of luck with the daycare!!

I used to BE this child....the problem wasn't that it actually took longer to poop, it was that I was more sensitive to the feeling of things down there, I knew I was going to have to poop WAY before it was ready to actually come out....so I would sit there forever waiting for the poop to journey its way out. Unlike my little brother, who would pinch it in as long as possible, and then run in there are the last second and go immediately.

If you must, explain to her to wait longer before going in to the bathroom. Or else, try to have her poop in the morning or evening, so she won't go at school. I Never pooped at school, unless it was a true emergency...in fact, past Kindergarten, I rarely even peed at school. She will find ways to deal with it.

Good Luck!

Jess

Even though you say she doesn't need more fiber, it certainly can't hurt to try adding more fiber to the diet--it may help to move things along, so to speak. Prunes are good for that -- they are sweet and easy to eat. If you haven't yet, try switching all your breads/bagels/tortillas to whole wheat or whole grain. It's a pretty simple switch with lots of good health benefits.