My 2 1/2 year old daughter is currently potty training and she has been doing GREAT to the point that she will come running in from outside to use the potty to pee, however she refuses to use the potty to poop. Lately she will tell me that she needs to use the "big" bathroom and she will sit there, say she is done and then 5 to 10 minutes later she poops in her panties, so I know that she understands that she is about to poop, she will just not let it go on the toilet or potty. The problem is that I can not leave the bathroom door open in my house because I have a 17 month old that loves to play in there. My 2 1/2 year old can not quite open the door yet, so we had to put her potty chair in a discreet corner of the living room, easily accessible to her. She is very independent in everything that she does - but for some reason, she refuses to poop on the potty or in the big toilet.
I am not with her all day (my husband watches her in the morning and my mother in the afternoons). I am at a loss of what to do, I have tried asking her why she wont go poopoo on the potty, but she only says that she doesnt know.
When we started potty training, we offered incentives (a small m & m) for everytime she went on the potty and now she understands that she wont get any candy unless she poops (believe me she loves candy) but she wont even go on the potty for that. Lately when she says (to her grandma) that she has to go potty on the big toilet, if she doesnt poop (which she hasnt yet), my mom will put a pull up on her to minimize having to clean poop out of her panties - and just like it was timed, in 5 to 10 minutes she has a dirty pull up, so I know she wants to poop on the toilet but something is keeping her from doing it. Has anyone else had this problem, and if so.........what do I do?
I read MOSt of the responses and didn't see this, so I thought I'd let you know.
...........have you tried putting a tootsie roll in the potty (represtenting poo). I've heard great things about it. I am also potty training.
I don't have any suggestions, I just wanted to let you know that you are in good company. My 2 1/2 year old daughter is in the exact same boat, potty training going pretty good, but no poopie in the potty!
When the poop is in the panties, make a big deal of transferring it into the potty and flushing it, saying bye-bye poopy. That worked with mine...
OMG . . . when my now 13 year old was the exact age, she did the exact same thing! She finally started BMing on the potty at 3 years old . . . so clearly, you should understand it may take some time. And I went through this as a full-time working mom, so I know the stress you are feeling!
We tried all the "incentive" method but all she wound up being was stressed and very constipated (to the point we had to give her an enema one time). My lesson from all of that was don't stress and don't force the issue too much. Back off a little and make like it is no big deal. BUT, don't put her back in diapers/Pull-Ups . . . I was insistent that she keep wearing panties because I was hopeful that the uncomfortable feeling would convince her to change her ways. What we finally did was, in the 3-4 weeks leading up to her 3rd birthday, we would occasionally (not constantly, because it will stress her out) say things like "when you are 3 you can no longer poop in your underwear. 3 year olds go poop on the potty." When she turned 3 we made a chart and for every day she pooped in the potty she got a sticker, and at the end of the week she got a small incentive. We found these two things worked well, because 3 weeks later she was going on the potty! She earned a larger reward (nothing over the top) at the end of all this. Good luck!
This might cause all sorts of psych damage later, but it did work with my daughter. First of all getting her to squat on the toilet helps with the pushing part. If she still has trouble, tickle her, which will relax her muscles. I know this sounds somewhat unconventional, but I only had to do it once and then my daughter understand what it felt like to release the correct muscles.
Have you tried timing it and asking her to go again with a better or bigger reward? I think she doesn't like the water splashing her. I know it's silly, but I thought a spider was under the lid and was going to bite me, so I use to hold it and when I did go I went very fast and if I could go fast enough I would get up and look (embarrassing, but) if it helps to understand a little more than I'm happy to be embarrassed and if not sorry for the story.
Maybe your daughter is just not totally ready to be potty trained. She's close and if you keep giving encouragement and praise she will probably succeed soon. In the mean time, pull ups are a lot easier to clean up.It seemed to take forever with my daughter, but when I backed off a little she surprised me by wanting to go on the potty and was totally trained in a very short time. She had to pick her time when she was really ready.
Good luck
Below is my response to another mom who was asking the exact same question back in Apr. It always makes me laugh to think back to to when my oldest son was 3. He is 23 now and just starting med school!
From: E. P Date: Tue. Apr. 22, 2008
My son was a week away from turning 3 and would sit on the potty when he felt poo-poo was coming, but then it wouldn't come. I'd put his diaper back on and it would come! It was a just a "thing." The day before he turned 3, Grandma visited from Arizona, and had a squirt gun to give him - - but only when he made poo-poo in the potty. That first day, I gave him "naked time" out on our back patio with his sand-box and wading-pool. Grandma and I sat on the porch swing and talked and watched him play - - until he said he had to go! We ran in to the potty when he felt it coming - - NOTHING! We came back outside. It was coming! We ran back to the potty - - NOTHING! We came back outside. Next time, it was coming, I didn't think it really was, so I said, "Oh, just squat over there and put the poo-poo in your yellow sand-bucket." IT CAME. We called his dad and celebrated, but dad was doubtful and said, "What if he has to leave for college carrying a yellow, sand-bucket under his arm?!!"
The next day, my son was calling from the potty, "OH, Grandma! Can I have my squirt gun now?!" He had the biggest grin on his little face when Grandma acted all surprised and happy that he had put poo-poo in the potty.
I waited 15 years to be able to do the punchline to this story. When my son left for college, I handed him a large industrial-sized yellow, sand-bucket with a list of the top ten uses for it at college!!!!
L.,
You're almost there!!! Hang in there. And... I have some great advice for you. When I potty trained my daughter, the program I used trained her in 2 1/2 days and the method that I used was to "catch her in the act". So, after she got the hang of going pee in the potty, I knew that poop was the harder part to conquer. So, since you know when your dd needs to go, DON'T LET HER OUT OF YOUR SIGHT and when you see her starting to go (if you know when she's going), rush her to the potty and let her finish on the potty. This is what I did for my daughter and she never had a problem with pooping in the potty from that day on. When my dd did it, I had to go to the bathroom and I made her come with me. I noticed she was starting to get uncomfortable, so I pulled her pants down and threw her up there and VIOLA! It worked.
You're soooo close since you already know the signs to look for, and you won't have to wait long after you know she's got to go.
Hang in there and please let me know how it turns out. I hope you have the same results that I did.
Best of luck!
K.
Been there! My now 8 year old used to do that. Definitely dont put a pull up on, even though its easier. She will think its okay to to poop in her pants with the pull up on.
After getting on the potty and not pooping I would let her get off and then wait about 5 minutes (since you said it was between 5-10 minutes when she usually has to poop)and get her back on again. Maybe let her have a book or something to relax her. Hopefully if you just keep putting her on eventually she will poop there. Once she realizes she pooped and how easy it was, hopefully she will start going easier. Also, if she does poop on the potty I would get her favorite candy and give it to her as a special reward. We were all about rewards too! Girls are usually easily bribe-able! : ) I also went to party city or the dollar store and got a bunch of cheap little prize type toys and put them in a small box...The prize box. She got to pick one out after pooping. Good luck!
My daughter was the same way. Try having her run around naked from the waist down. She probably wants to poop in something and that's why she does it in her panties. This worked like a charm for my daughter. Of course it requires a few days of staying at the house, but hey whatever works right! Good luck.
Hi L.,
A friend of mine son was scared to poop in the potty but would do so in his pull ups. He was afraid it would hurt to go poop in the big potty. So, my husband suggested she cut a whole in his pull up in the rear. When he needed to go poop, put him on the potty with his pull ups on and let him think it is going in his pull up. When it actually goes in the potty, show it and be excited about it not hurting or whatever the reason may be. Well, this actually worked for her son. Don't know if that is a reason with your daughter but it may work. Sounds like she knows what is going on so I would try to sit her on the potty about the 5 or 10 minutes after you have tried and see if that would work. Good luck. Have faith. My daughter did it all in "her time and way".
She's probably had a hard poop that hurt her, and she doesn't want any part of that again! That is usually the #1 culprit in an unwilling pooper! Make sure she's drinking lots of water, cut back on the apple juice (all apple products--the pectin is constipating) bananas, cheese--and give her Fig Newtons. I had to kneel next to my daughter and literally hold her in my arms the first couple of times she went poo poo in the potty because she was really scared. After she did, though, and we made a big deal about it, she didn't even have an accident after the first couple of times.
Yes!! We have been going through a similar situation with my 3yr. old son. We have tried bribery with the M&Ms and generally making a big production when he poops in the potty. I almost think that this has made it worse by putting pressure (even though it's positive reinforcement) on him. The few times he has gone in the toilet, I swear I feel like a doula, coaching him through labor: lots of screaming, etc. I ordered a book a couple of weeks ago called, "It Hurts When I Poop". We have just backed off out of total frustration. Honestly, I think he, like your child, is just very independent and will do it when he is ready. This is way more of an issue than I ever imagined...
She will get it soon... she is almost ready. I think that 2 is too young to potty train but it sounds like she has gotten the hang of the 1st part so she iwll get the rest soon...
try to show her how to push, make a face and pretend you are pushing and getting all the poo poo out... its just a matter of her figuring out the right way to push and get it to come out in a way she is not used to. she may need to sit longer or if you catch her going then put her on the potty and she will figure out how it feels and be able to recreate that again.
Hope that helps
I had the same problem with my son when he was 2. He is now 10 and I found out later that he was scared of the toilet. When he saw the poopie go down the toilet he thought the same would happen to him. I had to explain to him that he could not be flushed down there, and it helped him alot. You might want to explain to your child that only poopie and pee can be flushed down there.
Oh, I feel your pain. My daugher is 2 years and 8 months now. We've been having this dilemna for a couple of months. And, I can tell you that I've also tried a zillion things to remedy this. She sleeps in panties all night and even got out of the swimming pools this summer when she had to potty.
For my daughter, I know that she has had a couple of very painful poops in the past and she tells me that she is afraid to go. She has total breakdowns in the bathroom if I take her in there to go when we see she is holding it. There have been times that she has gone 4 days before doing anything. And I know that is not good for her.
On top of all of that, she did go while we were on vacation, without prompting here. I put her on the potty and it just happened. So, I knew she could do it. I had to figure out what was the difference between then and home. So, here is my advice.
Make sure your daughter is active during the day (lots of running, jumping). It keeps the system working.
Make sure she is drinking water mostly, with very little juice mixed in or none at all.
Balance milk and cheese consumption with fiber vegetables and fruits (make sure she doesn't have more milk products than vegetables/fruits).
Give her either a yogurt or yogurt drink (my daughter loves the yoplait drinks because she likes the Nickolodeon shows like Dora and Backyardigans). I pop a straw in the top and she drinks it up in the morning.
Now for the hard part. I take my daughter - even kicking and screaming to the potty. I calmly tell her that we will sit on the potty until I count to 20 and then she can get off. If she goes, great. If not, no big deal. We try again when she acts like she is holding it. I sit on the floor in front of her and hug her. We talk about getting the 'poopie' out and telling it bye-bye.
I take her to the potty about 15 minutes after she eats. You'll start to figure out what time of day works best.
I also told her that she could have one of her favorite cookies when she goes potty. We bought them from the store and then they stay on the kitchen counter for her to see. That worked for a time or two. Then, I had to 'up the anty' so-to-speak. Now I've told her that whenever she goes poop in the potty (day or night), we will drive to the dollar store (truly everything is a dollar) and she can pick out any one item in the store (except anything truly dangerous, of course). That is what is working for us right now.
My daugther is also very independent. So, having a bag of toys for her to choose at home is not as motivating as getting in the car and letting her roam through the store to pick it out herself. And, it worked! She is now getting more regulated (still more to go) and going to the store is a great motivator. The first time we went, she looked through the entire store (toys, stickers, balloons, knick knacks, etc.) and chose a bag of puffy cheetos. I let her eat them in the car on the way home (with a baby wipe close by!). She never gets cheetos, except at parties, so she was in hog heaven.
Anyway, keep working at it and maybe some of my suggestions will help you take baby steps to getting her to go poop in the potty. I will say that you should just resign yourself to cleaning underwear in the meantime, because I think going back to pull-ups for only those time, may lead to a regression in potty training. Motivate her to do it, rather than give her an 'out'. Just don't punish or get mad when she doesn't go to the potty. Keep waving that incentive in front of her for the next time. P.S. I forgot that we used Chuck E Cheese the first time we incented her.
Good luck!
Hi L.,
I'm a 42 yr old mom of two children. I have a son that is 5 & 1/2 yrs old and my daughter is just about to turn 4. My husband too can work some weird hours and I know what you mean by sometimes feeling like a single parent, hang in there!
When my daughter was potty training the poopie part was the hardest part of potty training but I think it is for all children. We did both the training potty and the bathroom toilet and she would do poop on either one and then there were times she would poop in her underwear.
I asked the nurse at the pediatrician's office and she said that it might hurt her when she tries to go potty. I mentioned that I did notice the most recent times she did do poopie on the potty it was huge and hard. Make sure your daughter isn't constipated because it will hurt when she tries to go potty. I bought some pear juice and an over the counter laxative I think it's called Miralax (suggestions from the nurse), it seemed to soften her stool. It did take a few weeks for her to get over the fear of it hurting when she had to do poopie but she soon didn't have any problems.
Good luck and believe me it will get better!
It sounds like she has the same problem my son had at training time. He truly didn't know how to poop sitting down. I would put him on the potty when I knew he needed to go, or rush him as soon as I could see him starting to go and let him finish in his potty. On one occasion, he sat on his potty and then tried to get up to stand. I made him sit back down, which he resisted, but I could tell he was going to go any second. He got kind of upset and got a very stressed look on his face, because he needed to go and I wouldn't let him stand up. Suddenly, he did a squat over the potty, and once he realized he could do it, we were home free. So you could try the suggestions of putting her back on the potty every 5 minutes or so, and watch her closely so you can rush her to the potty. Even when I would catch my son going, and he was done before we could get on the potty, I would dump the contents into his potty so he associated the two together. Like I said though, for him, he had to physically figure out that he could do it sitting and not always in a standing position.
It helped me potty train my kids they saw each other doing it. Maybe if you let your daughter see your son doing it. Tell her your son being a big boy.
My daughter is doing the exact same thing. I had to hide the pullups because she will go & put one on to go poo so obviously she knows when she is going ; ) If she doesnt' have a pull up on then she will go in her panties also. She does great with the whole pee issue. I'll be interested in seeing what works for you. Good luck!
You've gotten some great ideas but here are a couple more...
1) It sounds like she is trying to poop but that it is just not coming out when she wants it to. Another responder mentioned this -- that she might not understand how to poop sitting down on a toilet yet. When she tries to poop and it doesn't come out, try having her get off the toilet and stand up and stretch a little bit (bend over forward at the waist, to the sides, etc.) then try to do it again. That will do two things: get her stretching the muscles and loosen things up and waste some time until she's ready to poop again.
2) I can't believe anyone else has mentioned this! There is a fabulous book written for children at just this stage. It is called "Everybody Poops". The book has great illustrations (seriously, it might make you cringe but little kids totally dig it) and simple, cute text showing a variety of animals and their poop -- and where they poop. It takes the strangeness factor and fear out of pooping once they realize everyone poops different sizes and kinds and places. But people poop in toilets. Sounds crazy, but a darn good book. Worthy of proud placement on the back of the toilet. Even some of my adult friends found it so amusing that they bought it for "bathroom reading material"!
3) It sounds like she's pretty consistent with when she does go poop after trying. Try waiting three or four minutes after she tries the first time and take her back in to try again. That way, you'll see if it is just timing or something else.
Good luck!
I totally know what you are going through. I started potty training my daughter at 28 months old. She had the pee down in three days. I thought wow this was easy a little too easy :). I could not get her to go poop in the potty she would go in her panties everytime for the next 2 1/2 months. It tried everything from rewards to having her clean the dirty panties (would not suggest you try that way to gross). Nothing seemed to work finally I just gave up and said when she is ready she will poop in the potty. Her favorite show at the time was Go Deigo Go so I went out and bought her underwear (boys). Brought them home and told her that Baby Jaguar and Deigo would be really upset if she pooped on them. From that day on she went to the potty to poop and never had one accident. The only problem now it that she will not wear any other type of panties/underwear.
