Hello Everyone! I gave birth to a baby girl 9 weeks ago and my almost 2 year old (she will be two at the end of the month) seemed to be fine with her arrival. She has been a little indifferent to her meaning she does not really acknowledge her that much, but every night we have her give her little sister a good night kiss (which she really loves to do) and her behavior had been good for any girl her age. However, this last week my 2 year old gets really cranky (crying and whining) whenever I have to feed the baby, pay attention to the baby, put the baby in the carseat, etc. She also has decided not to eat dinner with us. I always try to take out time everyday just for her and I to play, read, etc. while my husband takes care of the baby or when the baby is napping. I also try and have her "help" make the baby bottles, bring me a diaper, because she always really likes to be helpful and I thought she might feel like a "big girl" if I try and have her help with baby sister. Then I always still put her to bed with our bedtime story and singing routine. My husband also plays with our 2 year old until bedtime after he gets off work. I guess I wonder if there is other things I should be doing for her so she is not so cranky and upset? Everyone I talk to that had a 2-3 year old and introduced a new baby said their 2-3 year old was fine, and did not have any issues with the new baby in the house. Then there is the dinner issue. She refuses to eat some of her favorite meals I prepare her at dinner. This is the only meal she does not want to eat. We have her sit down at dinner and at least try a bite, but she won't do that anymore. Then, before bedtime she wants a snack and we refuse and tell her there is some dinner available, but no snack. So, most times she chooses to go to bed without dinner and she has had no snack. (She eats really well for breakfast, morning snack, lunch, and afternoon snack, so I don't worry about her not getting enough food or nutrition) Is this just the start of terrible twos or just defiance and crankiness because of the new sister? I just worry because she has always been really joyful and happy and did not seem to take issue to baby sister until now. Any input or advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry this is so long. I should also mention my 2 year old still sleeps pretty well (all night and one afternoon nap) so I don't think she is tired. She seems to be not sleeping as long for the afternoon nap, but she still takes one.
Why dont you cut oout the snackes between meals why does she need them? Raised 4 now have7 gandchildren good luck dont forget lots of praise hugs and kisses have you heard of the terrible toes this is it luckey ite not worse A. no. Hills
Anyone who told you that their kid was happy to have the new baby in the house was . . . well let's just say that new mothers are often so in love that they miss out on what is going on. Your eldest daughter is JEALOUS and will be for a LONG time. You can only provide what you have since the beginning - love, attention, affection and praise. Let her know that your heart has grown so much that there is lots and lots of love available for her - but be prepared, she doesn't know how to handle her emotions - a book that helped my family was Siblings Without Rivalry. And the last thing - be consistent, the hardest thing for me to do.
Good luck
Some toddlers, no matter how carefully their parents have prepared them, view the new baby as a visitor. They're fine with the baby and the time their parents spend with the baby until it becomes clear that the baby is here to stay. THEN they become jealous, cranky and manipulative. That's probably what happened with your daughter. Don't worry, this will pass. Siblings will always compete with and resent each other, but they will also love each other.
As for dinner, I'd keep doing exactly what you're doing, with one small change. I would tell your daughter that dinner time is family time, and even if she doesn't eat, she has to spend time (5 minutes? 15 minutes? whatever you think is reasonable) at the table. If she misbehaves at the table, ignore it! When the time is up, send her away without making a big deal about it.
What you are doing sounds good to me. The only thing I can think of is when she whines during those baby related times, ask her to help or sing songs with you, play I spy. Is she getting her two year molars? Tha could be bothering her too. Just keep up the love during this adjustment time. Every child reacts different;y and it will pass.
Hi S., I had my third baby when my twins were 20 months old. They loved him and we did they same things you are doing. Whenever I fed their brother (twin girls, baby boy) my girls started biting each other and pulling hair. We had never seem them act like this, and it was only durring feedings. I think the behavior is normal. Your dd isn't used to sharing mommy. It will get better! It took us a few months, but eventually all went back to normal. Hope this helps with our peace of mond!
I think you should keep doing what you've been doing. It is likely a phase that will pass. My daughter seemed to get more cranky and jealous when her brother was born but after about 3-4 months she is better. Also, she tended to get more upset when I had to take care of the baby. It didn't bother her if my husband took care of the baby. I think it also helped if sometimes my husband would care for the baby and I'd spend a little time with her. She realizes she still gets attention from us and she is even more affectionate to her brother whereas before she completely ignored him. She just need time to adjust to all the changes. If your daughter is eating really well during the day she may not be very hungry at dinnertime. I'm sure eventually she'll come around and start eating again. If she is getting her 2nd year molars in this may be why she is not eating as much.
Since it sounds like you're doing everything possible...try taking the baby out of the equation for a moment.
1) Ditto the molars. First sign of crankiness, try a half or full dose of tylenol and see if that *magically* fixes it.
2) Eating patterns change in small children as their nutritional needs change. If she's not in a growth spurt...she may just be "full". So too, see #1, an owee mouth can make anyone give up a meal or two. So too, tastes start changing, and so does a need for independence. My little boy LOVED salads of all kinds as a wee one. Then he stopped eating any salad at ALL. But I happened to be pre-chopping all the ingredients one day and putting them in little bowls instead of one big bowl. He asked to help (I always let him help) and then he asked to make his own salad. And he scarfed not one, but two salads that night. From that day onward we have salad ingredients all separate and everyone serves themselves salad bar style. Come to find he wanted double of this, and half of that, and none of this other thing whatsoever...even though he LOVES this other thing in nearly everything else he eats.
3) Whining. I know not everyone does this...but we have a household rule: You whine, you don't get what you want. That includes WHATEVER you're asking for, in addition to me listening to you. (Okay, the 'not listening' is an act I have to put on...and it's got holes big enough for a truck to drive through it -like the fact that I can obviously hear you if i'm repeating the whining rule for you...but fortunately toddlers aren't logical yet. We have a near identical rule as well; you throw a fit you don't get what you want AND you go on timeout). While many actions can and SHOULD be understood...there's also not ignoring the action because we understand the cause.
Putting new sister back into the equation:
1) This is the nursing part. Ever notice at a party if nobody is eating, no matter how hungry everyone is, nobody eats? Until someone goes and gets a plate, and then it's a mad rush. Or how a cat will disdain someone until they grab a newspaper/book/laptop and then INSIST on being the center of your attention? When you're nursing you're "cuddling" and focusing your attention on your littlest one...and reminding your older one that she's NOT being cuddled/paid 100% attention to.
One of my favorite tricks is to make up a hot chocolate (or some other special drink) for the older child...then have them come sit with mummy & baby. The older child can "read" to the two of you, etc. But the elder gets a "fix" and then 9 times out of 10...squirms away to go do something more interesting.
There's also the conversation about how when "you were a baby, I nursed you every day all by myself as something special...because you weren't BIG enough yet to do all the fun stuff that you and I get to do now. Sister is waaaaaaay to little to do all the fun stuff we do, all the time. She only gets this little tiny bit of time doing this special thing. And we get a LOT. So I'm going to spend this time with Sister, just like I did with YOU, when you were too little, while you go do something really fun that she can't do yet. For you eating is just eating, but for sister it's hard hard hard work...and she needs my help. And she doesn't get a lot of special time, like you do with a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,... She only gets to EAT. while you get ALL those fun special things. If you do something special with daddy right now you could tell her all about it, because she won't get to until she's BIG like YOU, my smart beautiful girl."
Notice the serious repetition? And the reminders about your oldest's fun stuff? Kids this age can tend to live in the present, but they usually have great memories...they just have to be reminded.
Hi S., sounds like you're doing everything right and this is just one of those bumps in the road! Your older daughter seems like a great kid, just having a little trouble sharing mommy right now. Perfectly normal! Since you're making time for her without the baby, she will catch on soon that she's still getting enough attention, and as the baby gets bigger, they will play together and hopefully it will smooth itself out. No worries, keep doing what you're doing. The idea about the special drink seems like a great idea, then your daughter can share time with you and the baby.
The food thing is also just typical toddler stuff, and is probably only half related to the baby. Kids this age only eat when they're hungry, and as they get bigger, can sometimes refuse food as a sign of independance. Luckily I have a good eater, but she goes through phases of not wanting to eat dinner here and there, and I think you're sending the right message about "no dinner, no snack" and not giving in to the whining. She'll eat when she's hungry and trying to battle with a toddler over food is usually a battle we won't win anyway! Again, sounds like you're doing everything right. Keep up the attention and make sure she knows she's still part of the family without giving in to any whining or acting out. Good luck. : )
Hi S.,
As a parent coach, I can tell you that your daughter's behavior is completely normal. It sounds like you are doing a great job reassuring her that you are still there for her and that your love is unconditional. I would add that acknowledging and validating her feelings- to her- will help, as well. She needs to know that you know that she is upset and why she is upset. Let her know that it is OK to feel the way she does. When she is cranky and upset, that is your cue that she needs something from you. Rather than trying to stop the feelings, use them as opportunities to figure out and give her what she needs.
Below is an article that might be of some help to you. If I can be of any further assistance, feel free to contact me.
http://www.gilabrown.com/GB/Blog/Entries/2009/5/11_Shiny_...
Be well,
G. B., M.A.
Child Development Specialist & Parent Educator
www.GilaBrown.com
You didn't mention anything about having a pet.
We always have had a loving and caring dog on hand when new babies arrive.
If you don't have one, you could adobt a loving older guy from the local shelter or a rescue service (often on line_). Pets give unconditional love.
An older animal will be housebroken.
Good luck,
B. v. O.
Hi S.,
You've gotten a lot of good advice. I just wanted to add to it since I recently went through this with my twin girls and my baby boy. They were very excited about him when they were wearing their "Big Sister" shirts and handing out "It's a Boy" suckers to all the visitors that came to see the baby. However, when the dust settled and it was just me and them, they started acting out. Stupidly, I had thought that since they had eachother, they wouldn't be so jealous. Well, my friend told me to think of it as if my husband brought home another wife and expected me to be happy about it! This helped me think about how they were really feeling.
As far as how to handle it, someone already mentioned talking about when your daughter was a baby. Well, mine really responded to this. I got out there baby books, and showed them videos, etc. Even now when I get excited about something that the baby is doing, I'll include the girls by telling them "You used to like playing with that toy or reading that book".
This rough patch will pass. As soon as the girls discovered that they could make their little brother laugh, they decided he was lots of fun. They are now good helpers and good entertainment for the baby. It won't be long before you can put the baby in the swing and have her happily watching her sister play while you fix dinner, etc.
Good luck and hang in there!
