I have a 26 month old who seems to have started a whining phase. He has never done the temper tantrum (yelling/screaming/kicking etc.) thing, but has now started somewhat calm crying if things don't go his way. And the whining is getting out of control. Any suggestions on how to quiet the whine? He seems to do it most when I have to tell him no or to wait a while because I am nursing his sister, but really, he does it all day long.
Also, another area that he whines about is food. He says he is hungry and wants to eat all day long, but has gotten extremely picky and won't eat what I give him. I refuse to give into him and only give him the junky food all day every day, but I don't know how to stop his whining when I offer him something else .
Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks!
It's a normal phase.
I always just told my son that I couldn't understand him while he was whining like that. When it comes to food, offer him choices. He can have a piece of fruit, a bowl of cereal, or carrot sticks (you know, whatever). Those are his choices. This could be about junk food, but it also could just be about independence.
This too shall pass!
The best thing I ever heard, and it worked with our son, was telling him I couldn't UNDERSTAND him when he talked with whining voice, and that he needed to use his regular voice. And you can't give in to what they want when they whine. When he uses regular voice, he gets it. Then you can ask "do you get what you want when you whine?" and they have to recognize they don't.
He is doing what comes natural. That's like saying I have a teenager that is rolling her eyes at me. Yep, that's what they do. And it will be worse before its better, much worse at 3. Find a parenting strategy and stick with it. Love and Logic is pretty good. Read the book in your few mins of down time.
Keep calm and try to head it off before you sit down to nurse. Put out a snack, every time, before you nurse. Don't be driven by his whining. He says I'm hungry, point to the snack. I don't want that, point to the snack. Don't ever reward whining. Tell him the words to say. Tell him I can't understand you when you whine. He is very young so try something that can keep him by you while you nurse. Read a book with him, give him a toy he can only play with when you are nursing, a stuffed lovey especially for that time.
It's just a kid. You will either teach him TO whine, or teach him NOT to whine, by your actions. For years. This is one of the tough parts of parenting.
I always kept a basket of books by the couch. When it was time to nurse my DD, my DS (then 2) would get to pick out some books for us to read together. We all sat on the couch so there was room. It was actually a really special time with both of them and he enjoyed it!
The food thing could be for attention. We have 3 meals per day with one possible snack between lunch/dinner and another bigger snack after dinner/before bed. That's it. Other than those times, the kitchen is closed. period.
He sounds bored and maybe needing a bit more attention.
Whatever you do, do not try to jolly or bribe him out of it. Don't try to distract him or have a conversation about it. That just leads to more whining. Ignore it entirely when possible, even to the point of leaving the room if he is in a safe place to be unsupervised.
Telling him you can't understand when he talks like that will help a little.
The other thing about wanting food but ONLY junk food - stand firm on that one.
If he's hungry he can have some cheese/yogurt/fruit (what ever you feel is healthy for him) and if he's not hungry for what you give him then take it away after 10 min.
Set a timer for 1 hour and tell him since he didn't eat his snack he must not be hungry, so he can't ask again till the timer goes off.
When it goes off - give him his healthy snack and he has 10 min to eat it.
Repeat as necessary.
Once he learns you are serious, he'll only ask when he's really hungry and he'll eat what you put in front of him.
If it's a bid for attention (just because you are nursing), put him in his room/crib/playpen for some quiet time until you are finished nursing.
I know someone who was able to tell her kiddo that they can whine all they want as long as they do it in a lowwwww voice. It worked for her - tried to make it work or me but it did not - maybe it's something you can try!
Just teach him another way of rephrasing what he is saying so that it doesn't sound like whining-start with, "May I please have..."
"I can't hear you when you whine," or "I can't hear you when you talk like that."
Does he ever get his own one on one time with you? Maybe he's jealous of the attention his sister gets when being nursed.
When my son was little I took a muffin pan (the kind that makes 6 large muffins) and filled the wells with various appropriate bite-sized snacks then left it on the kitchen table. He was free to eat those when he wanted. In his case it never affected mealtimes.
Since the tantrums are not too severe, I agree with simply telling him you can't understand whining and ignore it.
We used "I don't hear whining" and then proceeded to ignore. Telling her that we didn't understand her led to "You CAN! You CAN understand me!" and that made it worse. So we just would say "I don't hear whining" and then ignore until a regular tone of voice was heard.
My daughter never whines. It's great!
Some whining is normal at this age but for sure you can control some of it, like don't keep any junk food in the house.
