2 Year Old Won't Stop Saying No

Updated on March 23, 2008
L.S. asks from Round Lake, IL
13 answers

I know it's typical behavior, but my 2 year old won't stop saying no. He says it in a very sassy tone. Any advice on how to get him to stop?

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M.S.

answers from Chicago on

Very Simple. You must be careful with how you respond to his "no". And If it is something that you want him to do or need him to do just have him to do it anyway with a reaffirming "YES" and keep doing this consistently. Because he may be reacting to how you're responding to his "no" He might get a kick outta that. Even though he's 2

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A.M.

answers from Chicago on

I try really hard not to say no myself, so my kids don't pick it up. I did this with my daughter after she started saying that sassy little no to everything. It was harder for me to stop saying it than it was for her. Instead I changed everything to be a little more specific. I said things like: stop that, don't stand, don't touch, hands off, please sit, it's hot, wait here, sit there, etc. If I had to do it, I tried to shake my head, thinking if she shook her head at me all day long at least she wouldn't be yelling no! Of course, she said all of those other phrases all the time instead, but it was a LOT better to hear that variety than just hearing no. I've done the same thing with my 22 month old girl/boy twins. They are really picking up a variety of phrases. Even when they fight with each other, the'll say, "Stop that!" to each other now! I'd take that any day over a big NO fight. About the only time I hear an actual no from these two is when I ask them if they want something specific, and even then, they shake their heads, or they usually answer like their big sister...."Nope!"

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M.M.

answers from Chicago on

Do not dignify it with a response. Smart little 2 year old, btw! I love kids like that.

Seriously, though. When he starts going into his "no" gear? HE IS INVISIBLE. Thank goodness they're still pint-sized at that age, you can simply move about the room and concern yourself only with not stepping on him.

Sound cruel? It's not. He's playing a game with you and testing the hell outta you. Ignore him. Even negative attention is ATTENTION (and a more passionate kind - kids often seek THIS kind over the coddling kind because it's more intense). He'll tire of it on his own, just don't feed the fire. You are simply "too busy to regard someone who can't speak to you properly, sorry!" Feel free to say this aloud to the open air in his presence, too. No kidding.

He is lucky to be learning such a key social lesson at such a young age! Good luck and hugs to your bright boy.

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S.C.

answers from Chicago on

YES - I have the best advice ever. Set up a reward system instead of a punishment system.

Meaning - - if he says no, he doesn't get a reward after dinner. If he is well behaved and doesn't say no all day, then reward him with a piece of candy. YES - only a piece of candy.

The idea is that all day long you remind him about being good. When he is good say how proud you are of him or say "good job",then at the end of dinner make a special announcement to everyone at the table about how good he has been today and he gets a piece of candy for following the rules.

If that still doesn't work and he is ornery keep the reward system up, but hold him in your lap in a chair for 2 minutes (even if he is kicking and screaming)whenever he is sassy to you. Officially it's just a "time-out", so it's not like you're hurting him or beating him or anything. He'll act like you are, but it's discipline.

Reward for good as much as you can by praising and encouraging.

Good luck!

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A.T.

answers from Chicago on

It kinda depends on a lot of things---if he's saying no just to say it or if he answers no to everything or if it's sass. My kids used to say no just to hear their own voice sometimes. I wouldn't be asking a question they'd just say no. For example, I put peas on their plate without comment from me and they'd say no. For that kind of thing, just ignore it. It's irritating to Mom but it's really them just listening to their head roar. At 2 they are just learning to master real words and "no" gets a response so it becomes a big power kick. Bottom line is...it's fun to say no and see what Mommy will do. If the no is to a request to do something such as you say "put on your coat big guy" and you get a hip thrust and a "no" from the little man...then we need to be talking time outs. Give 2 warnings (ask him to put on his coat 2 times) and 3rd time it's time out time. 2 minutes no more.
There's no single technique every time the kid says no. You have to evaluate every time and decide if it is a "no" that needs ignored or requires some action. I remember people telling me it's a good sign that your kid says "no"...they are learning to assert themselves. While I knew that to be true I always felt like my kid was asserting me right to the funny farm! So far I haven't had the guys in white jackets come to get me...and you'll make it through too. Good luck!

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E.F.

answers from Chicago on

Give him a multiple choice question instead of a yes/no questions? Instead of do you want juice aske do you want orange or apple juice? Instead of do you want lunch ask do you want a pb&j sandwich or chicken nuggets? etc. etc. Also when trying them to stop doing a certain action give them an action to do instead of saying stop it. for example instead of stop jumping on the couch, say please get off the couch. if you want them to stop running tell them to walk. they don't understand contractions at this age. So you either give them an action or direction to follow or you say You may not do ....... you may do ...... instead. You'll still get a level of sass it is their way of testing and see if you've changed your mind.

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A.P.

answers from Chicago on

just ask your child to do exactly the opposite of what you want him to do. they don't realize what no means at this age and they are just testing your buttons. good luck.

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P.T.

answers from Decatur on

I would try ignoring it and just taking him by the hand and placing him where you want him to be. With my older kids I learned that if I paid no attention to the wrong things they said it lost all the power they got from saying it. I mean that they can't get any reaction and any child that finds they can get attention from what they say be it good or bad will stop when they no longer get any attention. Might be worth a try.

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L.C.

answers from Chicago on

I have a 2 year old that is beginning teeny tantrums and a generally contrary attitude. I've been hearing a lot of "no". Have been getting the advice that I should give my daughter a choice so she feels more in control. So I ask her, "Would you like to wear the red dress or the blue dress." To which she replies, of course, "no".

The one bit of advice that does seem to work is to start introducing things in advance, instead of abruptly changing her current situation. For example, mention that we will be going to grandma's house later in the day. Later, mention again going to grandma's and what we will be doing when we get there. Then, we're going to grandma's in a few minutes and finally, it's time to put our coat on to go to grandma's house.

Geez.

Best of luck!

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A.B.

answers from Chicago on

I have twin boys where only one of the twins says unappropriate words. When he does, he gets the bar of soap, with alot of screaming. Just a dab on the tongue. It works!

He now puts the bar of soap in his own mouth. I carried the bar of soap in my purse, because he embarrassed me at a restaurant and he knew he could get away with it. Not anymore. I just pull it out and he says he is sorry.

You'll know when to use it so he won't get confused. Tell him you don't like his tone and it hurts your feelings (so he realizes how it effects you). That might work without the soap.

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H.K.

answers from Chicago on

well what ''cured'' my son when he was that age was for his cousin to do the same thing to him,she started telling him no each time he would say something to her within an hour or so he stopped saying no to everything,now if there is not another child of the same age around you could try doing the same thing yourself,everytime he asks you for something tell him no and stick to it,unless of coarse its something that could hurt him or if he asks if you love him etc
might help
H.

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C.L.

answers from Chicago on

Stop saying "no" to him all the time. Because toddlers hear "no" so often, it is very common for then to use it all the time too.
Instead of telling him what he can't do, tell him what he can. (instead of "don't touch this" try "here's something for you to play with")
Keep in mind that his intention may be to play with you when he says "no". Try being playful back to diffuse the situation. My son and I began the "no" game. He says "no" and I say "yes". And we'd continue the no's and yes's until he started giggling! It's a game we still play sometimes, and he's now 9.
Good Luck!

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J.F.

answers from Chicago on

Hi L.,
At my parenting class they told me just ignore the behavior I didn't want my son doing. It works great. They get really mad at first, and then they learn that they're not going to get your attention that way. Like for example if he wants your attention and you give him alot of it when he's doing something you don't want him to do- start catching him doing things that you DO want him to do and praise him to death. Then just ignore the other behavior. He'll learn very quickly that saying, "no" or any other behavior will not get him the attention that he craves. I hope that helps. :) Happy Easter!
blessings,
J.

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