2 Year Old with an Attitude "I Don't Want That!"

Updated on July 18, 2008
C.B. asks from Geneva, IL
5 answers

Recently (over the past couple days) my normally easy going toddler has learned a new phrase -- "I don't want _____!" He uses it for everything & doesn't even listen to what we're saying! If you ask if he wants to go outside he replies, "I don't want to go outside", if you tell him it's time for breakfast, it's "I don't want breakfast". It is constant and about everything! When we do ask him what he does want, he doesn't have anything to suggest, either because it's too hard for him to formulate a thought or he doesn't have the verbal skills to express himself. I have tried explaining that we need to use nice words and say things like "I want to go outside!" (to which he replies, "I don't want to go outside"). So then I say, let's be happy and use happy tones. His reply -- "I don't want happy" and then mopes around. I don't want to pay too much attention to this and perpetuate the situation, but at the same time I want to stop this attitude! Any help?

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S.C.

answers from Chicago on

It sounds like he's just trying out his new learned independance for a run. Also, it sounds like you're on the right track too, although frustrating. My suggestion would be to try to get him to ask you for things. Instead of asking him "do you want juice?" to which he'll reply "I don't want juice" then stand there with the cup until he asks for it. Make sure he sees you pour it and maybe you can take a drink and say "yum, this juice is really good" which may peek his interest. Also, try saying things like "boy, wouldn't it be nice to go play outside? Mommy would sure like to do that, it looks so nice out there" and then mope yourself. He's just testing limits which all children do. But you have to turn the tables a little and get his to lead the way which may be what he looking to do. Get him to make the suggestions and then applaud him for being such a bright and smart boy for giving you the idea. As parents it's very easy to control the day with when it's time to eat, sleep, play, go outside but when kids get to a certain age they want to start being able to control some of the show. Ask him what he wants to do and if he can't tell you then you will do nothing, throw your hands up and say "ok then, we're going to stay here, sit and do nothing." He will get bored really quick with doing nothing and will either be a little stubborn and go stand by the door without saying anything to which you can encourage him to suggest going outside or he'll just start saying "I want" rather than "I don't want."

That's my suggestion anyway. Hopefully it works. Just try giving him a little control with decision making and let him be the one to say it and act really super happy he did. I think that should inspire him. Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful
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M.K.

answers from Chicago on

I don't know if you have been watching the show with your son, but Lovey S is absolutely correct about Caillou. I wanted to post another warning to Moms about the show! A friend had told me that the relationships between adults and Caillou on the show were very positive so I allowed my 2 yr old to watch. I had no idea how the "I don't want to" would become a staple of her vocabulary. We no longer allow that show. This problem is very frustrating.

The only tactic I have used is to ignore it. Literally ignore it. I'll say, it's time to get dressed -- and she'll say, "I don't want to get dressed." And I don't acknowledge the comment and go ahead to get her dressed. At first, I used to say, "Okay. You don't have to get dressed." Then she would immediately whine, "But I want to get dressed, Mommy!" So now, I simply ignore the comment. It has diminished over time, but it still pops out every once in a while. Hang in there.

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B.A.

answers from Chicago on

My granddaughters haven't been watching Calliou (sp?), but I've heard the same thing about him from others.

Although I do believe as Sarah posted, he's probably just testing his independence and your boundaries. And at 2, you're probably right, his brain probably isn't really making decisions, or at least when he's asked for an alternative. I guess I'd just keep focusing on the positive -"Let's go outside and jump up and down". Also, keep happy, positive enforcements around him. Limit his television to keep those examples away from him, and turn some bouncy music on instead. Get silly with him. Dance around the room with him. Do this stuff without even saying it - not giving him a chance to disagree. Just pick him up and be silly about it.

After awhile, especially if he's hearing bad examples on television, eventually his words will change.

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M.C.

answers from Chicago on

He sounds just like my grandson. I think he is forming his ego or self-image and you need not be concerned that this attitude will stay with him all his life. In other words, he'll grow out of it.

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L.A.

answers from Chicago on

My 2&1/2 years old DS was doing the same thing few months ago... I found the culprit..CAILLOU- can you believe this he watched & liked this everyday & learned all the whining...I accidentally figure out this ,when once caillou said in front of me one time(same tone ,same style)..I have stopped giving him tv(caillou),he is better now ,now he does but very rarely may be once a week.I don`t have anything against the series but when he was picking just the negative from it ,i had to stop..

Just hang in there ,ignore & don`t show your frustration to him...

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