2 Year Old Already Noticing Racial Differences

I am the mother of a 4 yr. old bi-racial child. I was very worried about what to tell him when the time came, and how was I going to know when exactly that time was. Lol...he did it for me...he was just shy of 3 when he came to me and asked why Reese (his cousin) didn't look like him. I explained that everyone is different in the way we look, act, things we like and dislike. We sat down and went through some of his books and a few of my Parenting magazines and talked about how the people were all different. It has never become a problem, and I believe his early questions and my answers have no made him more accepting and understanding in the differences between people. The earlier they began to understand that people are different in many ways, the better, at least in my opinion!

I think children notice people are different at a very young age. When my daughter had just turned 3, she pointed at an overweight woman in front of her and said "she's fat". Luckily the woman didn't hear but I quickly distracted my daughter with something else. As soon as we were alone, I explained to her people are different and she shouldn't say those things because she could have made the woman feel bad or angry. After our conversation she never did that again.

Also, I don't think kids get that from the parents. I have never called anyone fat ( I'm not too skinny myself) and yet my daughter did. Maybe they hear it from other people around them or tv. Who knows, but as long as you, the parent, let them know all people are different.

I am shocked that the last lady who wrote in said that this is learned from the parents. I have a 5 and 3 year old and when they both turned three they noticed all sorts of differences in people. Color, height, special problems, etc. MY HUSBAND AND I ARE NOT RACISTS and would never teach them to be!!! I am shocked because children are great observers. While my children never compared someone to poop they have asked why they are different from others. My 3 year old even says she is darker than her older sister who is pale. I explain to my children that everyone is special and you never make fun of anyone. Color is just a color and if they do have questions to please ask me and I will explain to them when we are in the car or home. I also ask them not to stare and they usually don't. We talk about things. Comparing someone to the above mentioned is obviously disrespectful and I would nip that one right away. There is nothing wrong with being curios though and I encourage them to ask me a lot of questions so when they are in different situations they understand that some are fat, thin, black, white etc. etc.

Hi S.

Kids only do or say things that they have heard or have seen. It is a taught behavior, I dont agree with some of the parents, the statement like he looks like poop. That is a very races remark, and need to be corrected. Sometime kids dont even notice there friend color ontill some one bring it up. kids at this age dont even see color they see the friend. I have a daycare with all different color and ages 2-12yrs. Never have I heard such comments. I am a Black Woman who has a white grandfather on my dads side, growing up we never notice color only when people start saying thing, like how come your grandfathers white and you guys or brown? That is when the questions started to unfold, but we were about 6-7 years old. Im just having a hard time understanding these parents thats saying its ok to say such cruel things, That is a taught and tolorent thing, That is how hate began, saying its ok..

I think you should defintely give him the basics, as far as some people have dark skin and some have white, thats just the way we were made. Make it fun and light hearted. Maybe search for childrens books that you can share with him and address the issue that way. Just make sure you tell him that you should love everyone the same. I am sure he is only observing and probably can't understand all the details.

Good Luck.
A. :)

Hi S.,
He is quite normal by realizing that people are different. He is developing autonomically and comparisons are often made. I can see where the poop remark would be offensive if anyone else had heard him, but he is only making a comparison. He could be offered other forms of comparison, such as carmel or chocolat or crayon shades. What skin tone does he have? Mommy? Daddy? etc.

The poop comparison may seem overtly negative, but if he hasnot received any negative messages about people of color, it may be harmless. But if he is receiving negative messages about people of color, it can develop into much worse attitudes.

Sometimes adults say things around children that children may take more literally than the adults intend. Sometimes the messages are from media and societial sources.

Your son is very impressionable, all children that age are, so just help him be a strong independent person and show him how to be compassionate, tolerant and caring through example.

OH it is very normal. There is a difference in them remarking on a color or shape than using a racial slur. I am a big woman and I have had little one's comment before. If they aren't around different races or sized people, they just don't know. It is no different than commenting on a red truck. Now is when you start teaching them about the different people in the world. You wouldn't think much of it if she mentioned someone's hair was the color of a banana...know what I mean?

My 6 yr still argues that black people are brown and white people are pink! Really he is right! LOL You have a very observant little boy, so feed his mind. Get a book and point out the different people to him.

Good luck!

Kids say the darnedest things! I can understand why you were shocked but understand that at two, your son has few, if any, inhibitions. When my daughter was about that age, she referred to people as "brown or red or yellow or black" based on the color of their hair. A woman chastised me for "allowing" her to speak that way. Just take time to explain to him that God made us all different...some of us are girls. Some of us are boys. Some of us are tall. Some of us are shorter. Some of us are skinny...and some of us...well, wish we were skinny! (haha!) Explaining that God made each of us to be our own special selves is a good place to start and about all the information his two year old brain can handle for now.

I disagree with victoria..... children notice things on their own. i highly doubt your child was tuaght by you that the little black boy looks like poop. that is just insane. my concern is for the children at the daycare she has.... how can they be taught grammer when she has none. by the way victoria, RACEIST IS NOT SPELLED RACES!!!!!

It is a bit unusual for a child to notice a difference in race at such an early age.But it is also an oppurtunity for you to teach him about the differences between different races,cultures...there are books you could read and things you can explore with him to teach him all about different people.It could be a great learning experience for you both.He has the oppurtunity to be a well rounded young man with a lot of knowldege about other races and cultures.I would take it and run with it as a chance to teach him.Good Luck!!

Kids do say the strangest things, don't they? I would start telling him that everyone is different and explain that to him. Since he is already talking and seeing the difference then I believe that it is alright to start talking to him about it.

Hey S.,

It's natural for children to notice that we're all unique. That's what makes the world so interesting. He will learn by YOUR words and actions that being different is ok.

My 5 year old has a best friend at school who is African-American. One day he remarked that his friend Caleb is brown and that he looks like caramel candy. I simply replied, "Yes he does and YOU look like Vanilla IceCream. Isn't it neat how God made both of you so special?" And he said, "Mom, God is so smart."

That says it all.

No worries! You're doing a GREAT job as a mom!

E.--WAHM in Texas
www.CEOfamilies.com

S., I have been there. I have a daughter who is 5 now almost 6. I was brought up non racist and I wanted her to be the same. My huspands side was brought up pretty racist so it has been a battle. We had to have a talk with her grandpa to watch his language and such. We sat our daughter down and showed her pictures of all different kids and asked what was different about these kids. You know glasses, color, clothes.....we then explained that God made everyone different but we are all still the same inside. We all have the same body parts (give or take a few) I explained to her that we all have a heart and that is what makes us a real person. I think this really helped her know that everyone is different. (this also worked with kids with dissablilities. Yes she still stares but that will go away with time) Good luck, I know it can be embarrasing....

A.

This is normal. Be thankful he has the ability to recognize differences. He is too young to be in any way offending anyone. He doesn't know about this (unles he is being taught). My daughter noticed differences when she was very young. I say there is no need for explanations at age two. I kept things very innocent and my response to my daughter was "You're right!" and we went on with our play. Five years later, her best friend in school is of different color!

Like the others said, very normal.

I taught preschool and in our classroom we had a couple of black children in a mostly white class. We had books that talked about children from all types of places. We talked about how God made us all and gave us variety so we would each be unique and special. There are not just white or black or yellow people. There are white people with dark hair, with yellow hair, etc. It is just part of life.

He is just noticing something. He may not have been exposed to other types of people before, or may have just realized it. But if is pretty good that at this age he is so observant and able to express this observation. How you react to it determines if he is going to come across to others as offensive.

For instance if my kid made a comment like that in a public place I just told them that is a true statement, but not something we say loudly because it might bother someone else. Other people get their feelings hurt when we point out their differences loudly. Like you would not point to a wheelchair and say loudly he can't walk. It would hurt the persons feelings that you are pointing them out. Just whisper about these things or tell mommy at home so we can talk about, cuz it is good that you notice these things. ;-)

Good luck,