2-Year Old Hitting Me... Advice Please

One of the most effective things I have used with very young children when they are acting out of stress is to smile, scoop them up in a big, gentle hug, and say, "I love you, and I can't let you do that to me!" The child may either melt into the hug or struggle to get away, along with sound effects.

In case of struggle, particularly if she tries to hit again, hold her arms down for a little longer and say, "If you don't want me to hold our arms down, don't hit me! Every time you hit, I will hold you like this, because I don't want you to hurt me!"

Keep the mood light, cheerful and matter-of-fact. Be completely consistent. Never be angry; you don't want her to think she has the power to manipulate your reactions, and you don't want to add to her stress. And children who are acting out are feeling stress over the behavior, in addition to whatever is making them upset in the first place. They know hitting (biting/kicking) is wrong. Your ability to absorb the negativity and give love back is very reassuring, and models a response pattern they will start to copy as they mature.

When she stops struggling (and maybe yelling or crying), tell her you will always do your best to keep her from hurting other people, because that's what mommies are supposed to do for their children. Tell her you know she will learn to stop hitting, and then you won't have to hold her like this. But be prepared to do this over the next few weeks, until the changes that are upsetting her have stopped and she has a chance to adjust.

This gentle, consistent response gets through to an upset child in a way that time-outs can't match. Even if it appears to increase the upset for a time, it is more reassuring than sending her off to be by herself, which could feel like exile or rejection. This proves to her, over and over, that you are there for her. You are not coddling her.

You can also help with her general anxiety by taking every possibly opportunity to relax, talk and laugh with her. Keep her informed about what is going on and the projected time line. She probably understands more than you think.

I learned this technique from a very successful child-care worker who used it with some very troubled kids. They all ended up loving and trusting him, even though the process sometimes appeared to aggravate them at the beginning.

A big move for a little one can be very stressful. All the changes in living areaas may be causing the hitting episodes. There is no surefire answer to your problem, but try little things like letting your child select a "moving buddy" like a favorite stuffed animal that stays with your little one all through the move. Keep your bedtime routine and other rituals like bathtime as regular as possible throughout your big move too. Kids need consistancy even when life isn't. When she hits, let her know that you understand that the changes can be scary, but that hitting others is never okay. If she is frustrated, give him some quiet time with his moving buddy, and follow it by letting her talk to you through her moving buddy to say why she is sad/scared/mad... When her behavior improves for a week, try rewarding with a special treat for her and her moving buddy...like family movie time with a rental movie she picks out! Hope the ideas help! Kimberly in Milwaukie Oregon.

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A.

As a mom who uprooted a one-yr-old and a three-yr-old from CA a year and half ago, I know that this is a tough transition. One of the best things I can recommend is to buy/utilize an item that she IS allowed to hit, like a large beanbag. Or perhaps use another manipulative toy with a hammer and pegs. If she threatens to hit a human, then try to redirect her to her "hittable" object. Sometimes even smashing play dough will work, to get out frustration.

All of this may work better after you are settled. For now, just reinforce how much you love her and that in a family that loves each other, hitting is not ok. Also, you could remind her that moving is very hard for you, too.

Lastly, I know my almost 2-yr-old struggled with being in a hotel room for a long stay, too. Cabin fever is real! Consider the covered sandbox at the Portland Zoo. The yearly membership has proven to be extremely worth it for us! Best of luck to you.

The advice from the Rosanna is on target. Our 3 year old boy started this around 1 1/2 and there wasn't anything going on in our lives. Just be consistent. Tell her No Hitting in a stern voice and then she goes to time out. We are almost through this phase. Once in a while he will try to hit, but I stay out of reach or grab his arm firmly before he can make contact. I say No and he automatically goes into time out. He knows he can come out when he can say he's sorry and knows what he has done. Consistency is the thing.

Hi T. and welcome to Oregon. I agree hitting is not the answer, but I do believe there is a different between hitting and spankings. I've raised 4 children and they understood no matter the situation, I'm the mommy and that comes with respect. I spanked my children on the bottom (padded by a diaper) and they learned very quitely to show me that respect at a young age and still show this repect now that they have grown up. They have children of their own and when they get out of hand they now understand how important that little swat makes them understand it is not acceptable to disrepect your parents. I hope this helps you... Enjoy Lake Oswego.

She will stop hitting you eventually if you have a negative consequence to every time she hits, and EVERY time, you say a firm, "NO HITTING." Maybe take away her favorite stuffed animal each time, or put her in time out. Whatever it is you think she will not be happy is happening to her. Then, she will think twice before she hits again. As a mother of four, all of whom are older than your daughters, I can attest to this working eventually. You just have to be 100% CONSISTENT in your discipline, and she will soon get it. Don't worry too much though. She is little, and doesn't know any better. It is your job to teach her that hitting is unacceptable, and you have the power to do that!

She needs a little spanking to show her that you and in charge and not her. She is indeed looking to be comforted right now with all the changes and is trying to figure out where the boundries are.
Tell her in one of your calm moments that she will recieve a spanking when she hits. Then when she hits you get a wooden spoon and apply about three hard hits to her bottom, if she screams and throws a bigger fit give her another "round".
You will gain respect over night and she will be that much happier for knowing the limits you set for her are inforced.
Good Luck, you are the mom not her!

I am a mother of a 5 year old girl and 2year old boy who hits in frustration.I am also a parenting life coach. what your child is doing is normal and to be expected because all of the trasition. try to give your child words for his or her frustration. I live in Lake Oswego (and am from CA.)if you want to have a play date. My # is ###-###-####.
welcome to a wonderful city,
J.